Ooh

How can we forgive ourselves?
For what we have become?
How should we bear this burden?
Displace the things we've done?

I loved you so fucking much
Nearly lasted a lifetime
Fuck, I scratched my heart out
Just to watch it bleed

I wish I was kerosene
Just to set myself on fire
I wish I was kerosene
I'd burn all we've edified
I wish I was kerosene
Plain to set your world on fire
I wish I was kerosene
Just to feed the flames

And a bottle of whiskey later
I can still recall the shape of your face
While I forgot my way home
While I forgot my own fucking name

While I forgot my own fucking name

Who even calls this place home?
In the best case it's a grave with a dome
I was never really here
But the streets still seem to know my name

Stay
Never mind the emptiness
Leave
Fire walks with me
You kept a lot of secrets
And I kept none
I wish I could go back
And keep some

I usually keep my sadness
Pent up deep inside
Where it can fester quietly
To become mental illness

You were so fucking afraid
You might be living a lie
Oh, poor you
I may have lived like twenty

Oh

Oh

I wish I was kerosene
Just to set myself on fire
I wish I was kerosene
I'd burn all we've edified
I wish I was kerosene
Plain to set your world on fire
I wish I was kerosene
At least to feed the flames

This will never
Be about life
Always about
Love and death

These are the only things
That make me write
The things that let me bleed
That let me starve

The soil below me
Whispers my name and suggests
You are done here
Come home now?
Face the triangle
Of growth, decline, and decay
'Cause the harder you struggle
The tighter the noose
The tighter the noose

It happened in December
In the days when things get sad for no reason
Strangers share a drink called loneliness
And this city turns into the coldest place

Then I keep you in mind from time to time
I resist to scream your name out loud
I'm sorry I gave you everything I had
Without making sure you ever desired it

People get tired of being sad
Being pushed aside
And then they leave
Even though they promised they would not
And it's not as if I did not try
But somewhere between being who you needed
And being who I should become
I became a stranger to us both

Teach your heart how to cherish the people around you
Before they depart
You know they surely will
If not by a choice, death steals them away
And you'll have the remains of your life
To dwell in regrets
'Cause the gallows won't disappear
And for sure the graves won't fill
And for sure the graves won't fill

This is the death of our youths
The requiem to our dreams
Almost thirty summers passed
And dropped down on me like fallen leaves
No, we didn't even ask for happiness
Just a little less pain
Now we sing and drink
Beside the graves we've dug

Perhaps one day we will meet again
Two stars colliding for another time
Recognizing the pieces of ourselves
We left behind in each other's heart

So search for me in the pitch-black night
When the stars hide behind the clouds
And my heart longs for you
Whatever you do, search for me

Steal my heart in autumn
Where I fall in love by time
We roam these fields together
Counting stars and fighting sleep
No, I'm not feeling better yet
It seems I just got used to the words
'Cause the gallows won't disappear
And for sure the graves won't ever fill

This was the death of our youths
This was the requiem to our dreams
Almost thirty summers passed
And dropped down on me like fallen leaves
No, we didn't even ask for happiness
Just a little less pain
This is where we sing and drink
Beside the graves we've dug
Beside the graves we've dug

Someone I loved
Once gave me a box full of darkness
It took me years to understand
That this, too, was a gift
It took me years to realize
You teared my heart through fordable mires
But I wasn't made for shallow waters
My heart is an ocean

And I think that's where I am right now
Floating, drifting away
Too weak to continue swimming
Yet not weak enough to give up and sink
Leastwise I know
That salty waters might cure everything
Shedding tears
Or to walk into the sea

Or to walk into the sea

Did you know
If you hold your breath for too long
You will finally sleep forever?
Did you know
That I never forgave myself
For what we've become?

How odd I can have
All of this inside me
And to you it's just words
Another letter

But what is loss?
What is wealth?
I am nothing
We are nothing
We are nothing
We are nothing

I am the mourning
You are the scars
I am the night
Color me black

I am the mourning
You are the scars
I am the night
Color me black

There's a place in my heart
That will never be filled
And even during the best
And the greatest times

I will know it
More than ever
I will know it
More than ever

Ah

In another night
In another world
Things could have been
So different

In another night
In another world
Things would have been
So different

I am the mourning
You are the scars
I am the night
Color me black

I am the mourning
You are the scars
I am the night
Color me black

Color me black

Oh

Eeh

Somewhere there's a garden
Of everlasting love within me
But I fear that all you can see
Are the scars that grace my skin

These lightless walks will chafe us
And just the drugs keep us warm
People feel so lonely in the dark
I feel so lonely in the light

I feel so sad about the people
That never made it
Behind the bars of their hometown
That never saw
These bottomless depths
That never walked these mires
I have walked

Worth the pain that has burned me
And scarred my soul
For having been allowed to walk
Where I have walked
Which was to hell on earth
Heaven on earth and back again
Under, far beneath
Through it, in it, and above

My dear, the concept of home
Is such a vague notion
As I can't stay in the same place
For more than three days

Once you told me
That I'll never find home without leaving
But now I saw so many places
I at least forgot them all

So I'm lying in my bed
In my house
And all I want to do
Is to go home

Oh

I had to promise them that I won't go
But nevertheless I will leave
I'd like to think they must have known
That I would do this one day

So I hope to arrive at my burial late
Psychotic and wasted
'Cause when it's about death
I feel nothing at all
Nothing but anticipation
Nothing at all

And I will never regret
All the wounds you inflicted on me
'Cause another two of these scars
And the world is dead

For how I harmed you, my dear
I am sorry
But as this last summer passed
I could no longer bear the pain
This was our last autumn
And I'll take the blame
I'm so fucking sorry
But that's how it ends

You never were
Aware of me
Since you died
Certain years before my birth
I'm about your age now
Soon to attain
The days you lost
Your vital spark

Although you're not my father
I'm nevertheless
Your daughters' brother
We will never meet in person
And I'll never lay roses
Just thorns to your grave

It was more than three decades ago
They found you close to the woods
Your gaunt dead body
Held by nothing but this plaited noose
My sister was with them
Till today she failed to forget
To her you will never age
Your face will never grow old

These days of autumn
At least wrecked their lives
And in the long run
Somehow it, too, shattered mine
There's no way
Anybody will get well again
And in no way
Anybody will be the same again

There is this graveyard
Far up in the mountains
We met up there
In last winter's coldest night
When mom
Brought you dewy flowers
Like she did
In all the years before

There's so much death up there
Especially at night
Maybe that's the reason
It's the only place I feel home

I can totally get your motives
As I know of severity, too
I was always aware
That nothing ends with suicide
I was always aware
That people die from sadness

We move up to the gallows
Straight up to the noose
In this state of depression
There's no time left to loose

So we pour this tree
This life of reckless dedication
How couldn't we?
Our coffin's shaped by its wood

I don't know if you care
But your old cabin
Still guards the gates to the woods
It's still watching the mountains grow
Watching all these years passing by

And after death almost seized it
We gave our best to fill it with life
It still looks the same like back in the old days
As you'd have left it just last June

I wonder if depression ever ends
Or if it will end me
I'm still dancing on the edge of the blade
Till it cuts me in half

Some days I feel everything at once
Other days I feel nothing at all
So what's worse?
Drowning beneath the waves?
Or dying from the thirst?

Eeh

I dropped my Prozac from one day to the other
I do not regret, why should I bother?
I just wonder what will happen?
Maybe it will kill me, eventually set me free

Neither do I ask the night to explain
I wait for it and it envelops me
And so you, me, gloom, and light
And shadows are

Don't charm away my melancholy
It's everything I've got
To me it's kind of death
But I'm forced to keep living
I won't glorify or romanticize
What you call heartbreak
But nothing in this world
Was promised or belong to you

Someday someone
Won't be afraid of the lows I drag
They won't stay on the shore
They'll meet me in the depths

I am not dead but also not alive
I seem like a ghost with a beating heart
'Cause death is not the greatest loss in life
But what dies inside us while we fledge

We are walking away
Into empty spaces
We are trying to close
The gaps of the past
'Cause of all sad words
Of tongue or pen
The saddest are these:
"It might have been"

Don't charm away my melancholy
It's everything I've got
To me it's kind of death
But I'm forced to keep living
I won't glorify or romanticize
What you call heartbreak
But nothing in this world
Was promised or belonged to you
Was promised or belonged to you
Was promised or belonged to you

To all those
Who acquiesced these scars
Just because they loved the person
Holding the knife
It's getting even time
For those I love, I'll sacrifice
And I'll slit their throats with the knife
They left in my back

Some say time heals
But I'm pretty sure that's a lie
What they really mean
Is that you will eventually
Get used to the void
You will simply forget
Who you were without it
You'll forget what you looked like
Without all these scars

You look like a winter night
My scars hold your dreams
I could sleep inside the cold of you
The hole in your heart that won't close

Your breath resembles
The kiss of death
Causing my thirst
Holding these scars

Together
We drank merely gangrene
Although
Without hesitation down in one

You see, love could be labeled poison
Fuck it, we would drink it anyway
Now this river will cleanse away our traces
May the bridges I burn light your way

Only the injured
Truly understand the wounded
Everything I touch
Turns into quicksand anyway
Sadly this life is my noose
Please hang me higher
I am this grave with a view
The so-called void

So why do you trouble yourself, my heart?
Maybe this wayfare will kill us
But weren't we dying anyway?
Weren't we dying anyway?

'Cause only the injured
Can truly understand the wounded
When everything they touch
Turns into quicksand
Sadly this life is their noose
Come on, hang them higher
We are this grave with a view
We are this void

Thousand miles down the river
Thousand winters upstream
What were we expecting?
What did we bide to signify?

You may have been here
But you left the place very early
So let me go, let me leave
I never meant to stay anyway

I took out my pen and pad
And set to write my manifesto
It was a one line poem, said
Don't let nothing ever get you low
There's a hole open to heaven
And I looked straight through
We were love-drunk
Giving like we was living on the bayou

Who made these fucking rules
And said that I was born to live by?
Give 'em hell 'til I die
Don't bury me in no suit and tie
'Cause I don't wanna work
For another man's money
Yes, sir, no, sir
Give it to me, honey

I had a revelation
I was told a lie
Live to consume
Work to buy and then die
Oh, but truth enters the mind
One little word at a time
And you can't shake the smell
Of the cat on the line

Who made these fucking rules
And said that I was born to live by?
Give 'em hell 'til I die
Don't bury me in no suit and tie
'Cause I don't wanna work
For another man's money
Yes, sir, no, sir
Give it to me, honey

Who made these fucking rules
And said that I was born to live by?
Who made these fucking rules
And said that I was born to live by?
Who made these fucking rules
And said that I was born to live by?
Who made these fucking rules
And said that I was born to live by?

Tell me I'm alive
Show me I am human
I wanna log off, shut down
And leave the room