A woman to her husband: "You know darling, you'll be proud of me if you hear that. I drove through red lights three times today and I wasn't caught not fined by any policeman. For the money I saved I bought myself a new hat."

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of cherades, especially if your team are bad guessers


my computer beat me a chess, but i beat it at kickboxing



i used to compete at sports, but then i realized you can buy trophies.




i went into a store and the girl asked what my size was. i said "actual"




i like to go the beach at like 5 in the morning and throw bottles in the water, then when somebody finds one, i run up behind them because when they open the bottle the note says "i'm standing right behind you"

I libery
guy: have you a book about suicides
liberian: fuck of, you wont bring it beck

Written by Boxcar Willy on 11.08.2010 at 16:21

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of cherades, especially if your team are bad guessers


my computer beat me a chess, but i beat it at kickboxing



i used to compete at sports, but then i realized you can buy trophies.




i went into a store and the girl asked what my size was. i said "actual"




i like to go the beach at like 5 in the morning and throw bottles in the water, then when somebody finds one, i run up behind them because when they open the bottle the note says "i'm standing right behind you"

Demitri Martin is awesome.

Q: Whats better than 10 babies in 1 bucket?
A: One baby in 10 bucket

Q: How do you get a baby to stop drowning?
A: Take your foot off its head.

Q: Why are black people scared of chainsaws?
A: Because when you start it up it goes run nigger nigger nigger


An african american man Goes into a shop to by a motorbike. When he starts it up, however, the idling engine noise sounds like: "nigger nigger nigger." He complains, but the Salesman says: Its ok, when you get it out on the highway, it'll be fine. So he buys the bike and takes it for a ride. he gets out on the highway, and the bike begins to make another noise: "Coooooooooooooooon coooooooooooooooooooooooon coooooooooon."
He gets to a railway tracks and stops as a train goes past, which makes the sound: "blackfella blackfell blackfella."
He then gets hit by a car and goes straight into the train. He wakes up in the back of an ambulence and thinks: "thank god this day of racism is over." The he hears the siren: "Aaaaaabbbbooooo Aaaaabbbbbooooo"

So, there's a man crawling through the desert

hopefully this hasn't been posted yet

What do you say when you see your TV floating in the middle of the night?

Drop it nigger!

A drunk man is sleeping on the ground in a public place. The reactions of women of different nationalities.
British lady: "How shameful! A drunkard sleeping in a public place! And surely his poor wife and children are waiting at home!"
German lady: "MEIN GOTT! A PERSON HAS LOST CONSCIOUSNESS! SOMEBODY CALL ZE AMBULANCE!"
French lady: "Whose man is it? Nobody's? Taxi!"

Written by whatsacow on 25.08.2010 at 03:00


An african american man Goes into a shop to by a motorbike. When he starts it up, however, the idling engine noise sounds like: "nigger nigger nigger." He complains, but the Salesman says: Its ok, when you get it out on the highway, it'll be fine. So he buys the bike and takes it for a ride. he gets out on the highway, and the bike begins to make another noise: "Coooooooooooooooon coooooooooooooooooooooooon coooooooooon."
He gets to a railway tracks and stops as a train goes past, which makes the sound: "blackfella blackfell blackfella."
He then gets hit by a car and goes straight into the train. He wakes up in the back of an ambulence and thinks: "thank god this day of racism is over." The he hears the siren: "Aaaaaabbbbooooo Aaaaabbbbbooooo"

What is Coooooooooooooooon and Aaaaaabbbbooooo?

Chuck Norris is able to turn USA into USB

Written by Ellrohir on 26.08.2010 at 23:33

Chuck Norris is able to turn USA into USB

That's so stupid I find it funny.

Written by Bad English on 26.08.2010 at 16:17

Written by whatsacow on 25.08.2010 at 03:00


An african american man Goes into a shop to by a motorbike. When he starts it up, however, the idling engine noise sounds like: "nigger nigger nigger." He complains, but the Salesman says: Its ok, when you get it out on the highway, it'll be fine. So he buys the bike and takes it for a ride. he gets out on the highway, and the bike begins to make another noise: "Coooooooooooooooon coooooooooooooooooooooooon coooooooooon."
He gets to a railway tracks and stops as a train goes past, which makes the sound: "blackfella blackfell blackfella."
He then gets hit by a car and goes straight into the train. He wakes up in the back of an ambulence and thinks: "thank god this day of racism is over." The he hears the siren: "Aaaaaabbbbooooo Aaaaabbbbbooooo"

What is Coooooooooooooooon and Aaaaaabbbbooooo?

Sorry, im australian. Abbo is short for aboriginal, and coon is also racist against aboriginals.

Written by whatsacow on 27.08.2010 at 01:30

Written by Bad English on 26.08.2010 at 16:17

Written by whatsacow on 25.08.2010 at 03:00


An african american man Goes into a shop to by a motorbike. When he starts it up, however, the idling engine noise sounds like: "nigger nigger nigger." He complains, but the Salesman says: Its ok, when you get it out on the highway, it'll be fine. So he buys the bike and takes it for a ride. he gets out on the highway, and the bike begins to make another noise: "Coooooooooooooooon coooooooooooooooooooooooon coooooooooon."
He gets to a railway tracks and stops as a train goes past, which makes the sound: "blackfella blackfell blackfella."
He then gets hit by a car and goes straight into the train. He wakes up in the back of an ambulence and thinks: "thank god this day of racism is over." The he hears the siren: "Aaaaaabbbbooooo Aaaaabbbbbooooo"

What is Coooooooooooooooon and Aaaaaabbbbooooo?

Sorry, im australian. Abbo is short for aboriginal, and coon is also racist against aboriginals.

Thats why I never heard it

Written by Bad English on 27.08.2010 at 01:38

Written by whatsacow on 27.08.2010 at 01:30

Written by Bad English on 26.08.2010 at 16:17

Written by whatsacow on 25.08.2010 at 03:00


An african american man Goes into a shop to by a motorbike. When he starts it up, however, the idling engine noise sounds like: "nigger nigger nigger." He complains, but the Salesman says: Its ok, when you get it out on the highway, it'll be fine. So he buys the bike and takes it for a ride. he gets out on the highway, and the bike begins to make another noise: "Coooooooooooooooon coooooooooooooooooooooooon coooooooooon."
He gets to a railway tracks and stops as a train goes past, which makes the sound: "blackfella blackfell blackfella."
He then gets hit by a car and goes straight into the train. He wakes up in the back of an ambulence and thinks: "thank god this day of racism is over." The he hears the siren: "Aaaaaabbbbooooo Aaaaabbbbbooooo"

What is Coooooooooooooooon and Aaaaaabbbbooooo?

Sorry, im australian. Abbo is short for aboriginal, and coon is also racist against aboriginals.

Thats why I never heard it

Yes. Sorry for the confusion. But that is also why we find coon cheese so amusing

Written by whatsacow on 25.08.2010 at 02:47

Written by Boxcar Willy on 11.08.2010 at 16:21

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of cherades, especially if your team are bad guessers


my computer beat me a chess, but i beat it at kickboxing



i used to compete at sports, but then i realized you can buy trophies.




i went into a store and the girl asked what my size was. i said "actual"




i like to go the beach at like 5 in the morning and throw bottles in the water, then when somebody finds one, i run up behind them because when they open the bottle the note says "i'm standing right behind you"

Demitri Martin is awesome.

indeed he is.

I was just reading the agnostic thread and remembered this joke...

Have you heard about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
Stayed awake every night wondering if there really was a Dog...

Penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy and his owner beats him

Written by Dangerboner on 26.08.2010 at 10:06

So, there's a man crawling through the desert

hopefully this hasn't been posted yet

DAMN THAT WAS BORING

Lol that story gets all different sorts of reactions from people xD

I thought it was entertaining to read (killed lots of time at work!), before the punch line at the end haha

Written by Firebringer on 01.09.2010 at 01:36

Written by Dangerboner on 26.08.2010 at 10:06

So, there's a man crawling through the desert

hopefully this hasn't been posted yet

DAMN THAT WAS BORING

You actually finished it? I gave up somewhere around the halfway mark it was so uninteresting.

I also finished it and I liked it

Written by Boxcar Willy on 11.08.2010 at 16:21

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of cherades, especially if your team are bad guessers

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

Written by Dangerboner on 01.09.2010 at 06:08

Lol that story gets all different sorts of reactions from people xD

I thought it was entertaining to read (killed lots of time at work!), before the punch line at the end haha

hahahhahahahahahahah that was fucking awesome as hell, really entertaining and like a great short fiction story

One day bill over hears his parents arguing and mom calls the husband a 'bastard'

and so then the dad calls the wife a "bitch"


So the next morning billy goes to his mom and says "mom what's a bitch and a bastard?"

and the mom says "well, a bitch is a lady and a bastard is a gentlemen"




and then later billy goes outside and listens to his neighbors having sex, and hears "Put that dick in my pussy!"


So Billy goes to his mom and says "mom whats a dick and pussy?"



And so mom says "Well Billy, a dick is a hat and a pussy is a coat"

And later that evening Billy's parents are preparing for thanksgiving dinner, and billy walks in on his dad shaving.And as billy walked in he his dad cuts himself and says "shit"


and billy said "Dad, whats shit"

And then his dad says
"Well billy, shit is a type of Shaving cream "


So billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and yells "fuck!"


and then billy says to his mom "Mom whats fuck?"

"Well billy fuck is a way of cutting the turkey"


and at that time the guests arrive and billy's mom sends him to greet them.

And so Billy says
"Hello bitches and bastards, you can put your dick's and pussy's in the closet.
Right now my dad's upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is still in the kitchen fucking the Turkey"

Many studies have shown that when cows listen to classical music, they produce more milk
But what about the other music styles...

Rap - The cows quit giving milk and asked what was in it for them!
Country - Too much inbreeding started to take place.
Metal - They figured since they were a hoofed animal with horns that they are the dark lord and everyone should follow them.

You have more? Add it!

Written by Dangerboner on 26.08.2010 at 10:06

So, there's a man crawling through the desert

hopefully this hasn't been posted yet

The punchline was so corny that it was awesome! XD
I felt really bad for Nate though, he was cool.

Written by kkktookmybaby on 02.09.2010 at 01:55

One day bill over hears his parents arguing and mom calls the husband a 'bastard'

and so then the dad calls the wife a "bitch"


So the next morning billy goes to his mom and says "mom what's a bitch and a bastard?"

and the mom says "well, a bitch is a lady and a bastard is a gentlemen"




and then later billy goes outside and listens to his neighbors having sex, and hears "Put that dick in my pussy!"


So Billy goes to his mom and says "mom whats a dick and pussy?"



And so mom says "Well Billy, a dick is a hat and a pussy is a coat"

And later that evening Billy's parents are preparing for thanksgiving dinner, and billy walks in on his dad shaving.And as billy walked in he his dad cuts himself and says "shit"


and billy said "Dad, whats shit"

And then his dad says
"Well billy, shit is a type of Shaving cream "


So billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and yells "fuck!"


and then billy says to his mom "Mom whats fuck?"

"Well billy fuck is a way of cutting the turkey"


and at that time the guests arrive and billy's mom sends him to greet them.

And so Billy says
"Hello bitches and bastards, you can put your dick's and pussy's in the closet.
Right now my dad's upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is still in the kitchen fucking the Turkey"

we were telling that joke in grade 4. that joke is older than powdered milk

Bad Star Wars quotes to say/hear during/before/after sex:

"I expect to be well paid, I'm in it for the money."

"Now let's blow this thing and go home."

"I am your father."

"Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size do you?"

"Your target is a small exhaust port, right below the main port."

"This little one's not worth the effort."

"She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."

"What're you looking at? I know what I'm doing."

"If you give it to me, I might forget I found you."

"Sorry about the mess."

"It came from...behind!"

"Look at the size of that thing!"

"Sorry, sweetheart. I haven't got time for anything else."

"That's two you owe me, junior."

"I don't pick up any life readings."

"This is no cave!"

"If only you'd attached my legs, I wouldn't be in this ridiculous position."

"So, you have a twin sister!"

"You're jittery little thing, aren't you?"

"But how could they be jamming us if they don't know... if we're coming?"

"I don't care what universe you're from, that's got to hurt."

"I can't do it, Mom. I just can't do it."

"Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine."

"This is just the beginning."

"I am pregnant."

"Good relations with the Wookies, I have."

"I expected someone with your reputation to be a little... older."

A man was hired to paint the church steeple.
He figured 6 gallons of paint would do the job.
About half way done, he only had two gallons of paint left.
Knowing this would not be enough paint, he added water to make the paint, he would thin it and make it go further.
So he did.
It didn't cover quite as well, but figuring no one would be able to tell from the ground anyway, he continued.
About 3/4 of the way up, he was down to a little less than one gallon of watered down paint.
He needed to finish the job so he just watered down the paint some more...
This very watered down paint did not cover well at all, very transparent, but probably looked good enough from the ground,
so he continued.
With only a few feet at the top to finish, his paint can was practically empty, he figured if he added just a little more water...
JUST THEN ~ a voice from the heavens booms out!
REPAINT, AND THIN NO MORE!