The Joke Thread (the sequel)
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Original post
Posted by Introspekrieg, 26.07.2008 - 20:13
Two men are sitting next to each other on a train, both with black eyes. Naturally curious, the first man looks at the other and says,
"So, how'd you get the black eye?"
The other guy responds, "Well, it was a freudian slip."
"What's that?" the first asks
"It's when you mean to say one thing but say another that exposes what you thought." answers the second
Then the first guys waits a second and asks, "Oh. So what happened?"
"Well, i was buying my ticket for the train, and the woman at the desk had the biggest boobs i'd ever seen. So, when i meant to say 'two tickets to pittsburgh', i accidentally said 'two pickets to tittsburgh', hence the black eye."
And so the first guy responds. "You know, that's weird, something very similar happened to me. This morning, I was eating breakfast with my wife, and i meant to say "could you pass the jam", but i accidentally said, "you ruined my life you stupid whore."
| John_Doe Posts: 5170  |
Written by Azarath on 12.11.2016 at 17:44 this is funny! Lame U2 joke Why couldn't U2 find what they were looking for? Because the streets have no name...
---- I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416  |
Written by John_Doe on 12.06.2019 at 19:22 Quality pun. Should have thought of that one myself, dang it... I'll compensate with a lame Radiohead joke: OK Computer is Radiohead's best album, No Surprises there...
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Japanese scientists invent self-destructive origami. More news coming as the story unfolds.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306  |
Written by Metren on 12.09.2019 at 16:45 I bet the reaction to that story will be nuclear.
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Written by Troy Killjoy on 12.09.2019 at 17:58 You've won the bet and receive five awesomes. Unfortunately, the awesomes are useless. They can only be traded for fifty kinda awesomes and nothing else. Matters.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
The way Muslims pray is the best way to pray. Hands down.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
As a kid, I wanted to be Super Mario when I grew up. Turned out it was just a pipe dream.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Remember when folks working at an American commercial bakery went nuts and starting cutting off people's limbs? Pepperidge Farm dismembers.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Cynic Metalhead Ambrish Saxena Posts: 7607  |
Seeing the quality of this thread lately has hit lower than expected, here's one I'm gonna pull the strings even lower... My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, "Throw this and wherever it lands?that's where I'm taking you when this pandemic ends." Turns out, we're spending two weeks behind the fridge.
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| John_Doe Posts: 5170 |
A kangaroo, a rabbi and an astronaut walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of joke?"
---- I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
"My plan was to learn the alphabet, but I couldn't make it past the first letter." "Do you have a plan B?" "I don't know what that means!"
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Came up with this some time ago. It's not really structured as a joke, but here goes: Journalists visit the world's first human cloning factory and meet up with its manager. Mr Anders: "Good day, I am Mr Anders!" Journalist: "So you're the head of this cloning factory?" Mr Anders: "The one and only!" Journalists *look at him with suspicion*
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Bad English Tage Westerlund Posts: 62192  |
Written by Metren on 10.01.2022 at 05:40 Journalist: What is Hamburger SV? American: Food Journalist: What is Hamburger SV European: Football team
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die"  I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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| Bad English Tage Westerlund Posts: 62192 |
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die" I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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| F3ynman Nocturnal Bro Contributor Posts: 3092  |
I was going through the oldest comments on this thread. I had no idea there were such talented comedians among us! This thread is a goldmine 
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
A drinking establishment in a basement? That's a low bar...
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
I saw an advertisement for a 5-star restaurant named "F" I thought it was weird for a restaurant to be called simply "F" Anyway, turns out it was a 0-star restaurant named "Fucker" that had been forced to censor their name... 
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Animal testing is fine, depending on what is being tested. I test my jokes on hyenas and seagulls and they appear to have a good time!
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
My late grandfather once said: "Sorry I'm late."
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Sometimes I stuff underwear inside my socks to make my toes look bigger. #lifehack
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
I challenged the cast of Friends to a canoeing contest. I lost pathetically. How was I supposed to know how fast Lisa Kudrow???
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| John_Doe Posts: 5170 |
Written by Metren on 29.09.2022 at 15:35
---- I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Written by John_Doe on 29.09.2022 at 15:39 The cast of Friends have very punnable names. Somebody should keep this going 
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| John_Doe Posts: 5170 |
Written by Metren on 29.09.2022 at 15:44 oh, did you create that joke yourself? Very creative if so!
---- I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Written by John_Doe on 29.09.2022 at 15:55 Thanks! I've actually never shared anything on this thread that I didn't come up with on my own.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| John_Doe Posts: 5170 |
Written by Metren on 29.09.2022 at 16:22 nice! 
---- I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
It's stupid of Jeff Bezos to challenge Nasa in the space race. Nasa's already shown what happens to Challengers. I don't like alcoholics. They've ruined the reputation of us drunks. I know a lot of people get upset at dark humor. It's a fact that whenever I am in a room and tell a dark joke, there's always at least one person in that room **** (That last one kind of needs to be delivered verbally not in written form, but what can you do...)
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
At what speed to rodents upload their music to Myspace? At mice pace. What kind of music do mice hate? Trap beats. What's the trouble with most jokes about mice? They're too cheesy.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Just came up with one more: How did Merry and Pippin act like mice when going to Isengard? They rode Ents.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
People tell me I don't look like I'm 47 years old. Which makes sense, because I'm 32.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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