The Joke Thread (the sequel)
Posts: 997
Visited by: 415 users
Original post
Posted by Introspekrieg, 26.07.2008 - 20:13
Two men are sitting next to each other on a train, both with black eyes. Naturally curious, the first man looks at the other and says,
"So, how'd you get the black eye?"
The other guy responds, "Well, it was a freudian slip."
"What's that?" the first asks
"It's when you mean to say one thing but say another that exposes what you thought." answers the second
Then the first guys waits a second and asks, "Oh. So what happened?"
"Well, i was buying my ticket for the train, and the woman at the desk had the biggest boobs i'd ever seen. So, when i meant to say 'two tickets to pittsburgh', i accidentally said 'two pickets to tittsburgh', hence the black eye."
And so the first guy responds. "You know, that's weird, something very similar happened to me. This morning, I was eating breakfast with my wife, and i meant to say "could you pass the jam", but i accidentally said, "you ruined my life you stupid whore."
| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416  |
I'm creating a stage play about giants. My best friend helped make all the things on the set. Massive props!
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
People online are arguing over which of The Legend Of Zelda characters would be the most rude and where. Link in the comments.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| John_Doe Posts: 5170  |
“I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for those who like country music, denigrate means to ‘put down.'” – Bob Newhart 
---- I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
My circle of friends was destroyed by a love triangle.  What a bunch of squares!
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
If I was a character in A Quiet Place, I'd tell the monsters some jokes. I bet they'd be all ears.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
I've disrespected Dracula by forgetting his official title so many times I've lost count. I was once arrested for pretending to be a mute. It was really confusing when they told me I have the right to remain silent. I recently visited a small village named Owher. It's a nice place, but it is in the middle of nowhere. My inability to focus has quadrupled over the last year. My ADHD is now AD4K.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
I was once on a date with this woman and she expressed her love for communism with a prop. It was a huge red flag.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| nikarg Staff Posts: 7435  |
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| Azarath Free as a.. Fish Posts: 966  |
Metren loves his prop jokes. As do I, I must confess.
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| John_Doe Posts: 5170 |
Written by Metren on 27.11.2022 at 11:09 I've just noticed this one. 
---- I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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| SONGSfromHEAVEN Account deleted |
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Wife: "Stop making Depeche Mode jokes and just be quiet for a bit!" Me: "Ok, honey! Enjoy The Silence!" Sir Alex Ferguson was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness. The doctor at the hospital said he has six months to live. However, doctors working for The English Premier League have given him eleven additional years. As a schoolkid I would say literally anything to make my classmates laugh. It didn't work. Turns out "literally" and "anything" aren't funny words. "We've found a cure for your impatience." "Wow! I can't wait!" "We know."
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
"Damn, I love repetition!" "You can say that again!" "OMG! We're kindred spirits!"
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| John_Doe Posts: 5170 |
Written by Metren on 25.07.2023 at 20:27
---- I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
This conversation based on Baldur's Gate 3 actually happened today, between me and my friend. It's lame, but apparently it's #badjokeFriday, so... Me: "I think Matthew Mercer captured the essence of Minsc well with his voice acting performance." Friend: "I feel like I'm the only person on earth who hates Minsc. Dumb man with dumb hamster." Me: "Everyone, Boo this opinion!"
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
I wish to dye my hair raven-black, but fear I'll be ostrichized for being emu.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Has anyone written a book on conflicts within the early Norwegian black metal scene? Varg might want to take a stab at it.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| John_Doe Posts: 5170 |
Read this joke yesterday, funny but also disturbing  "What's worse, being ignorant or being indifferent?" "I don't know and I don't care!"
---- I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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| Karlabos Posts: 5762  |
Written by John_Doe on 17.09.2023 at 12:50 Why disturbing?
---- "Aah! The cat turned into a cat!" - Reimu Hakurei
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| John_Doe Posts: 5170 |
Written by Karlabos on 17.09.2023 at 14:18 Because people who answer like this exist. Maybe "disturbing" is a harsh word, this joke is just a rather sad but true situation.
---- I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
What is Edna Mode's favorite movie? Cape Fear Badum Tshh!
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
You know what's refreshing after spending long hours online on your PC? F5
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Netzach Planewalker Posts: 1761  |
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? One ought to be enough for them to realise you're being serious.
---- My "blackened synth metal" solo project: maladomini.bandcamp.com. Whenever I write something funny, weird, or pretentious... I learned English by playing Baldur's Gate, okay?
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Doggy style is by far the best sex position, because if she is upset that I finished in five minutes, I can rightfully point out that in dog minutes I lasted for over half an hour.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
My three brothers and I embarked on a five-day mountain hike once. Our grandfather advised us to be cautious of the lightning storms around here and recommended that we bring only plastic items, like cups, utensils, and tools, to prevent drawing lightning strikes towards us. A lightning storm arrived on the fourth day, and I was prepared because I had listened to my grandfather and brought a plastic shovel. This meant I had a tool to dig graves for my brothers after they were struck by lightning.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
I was playing a gig and and someone in the audience yelled out "Your music saved my life!" I always knew turning CPR instructions into song lyrics would pay off someday.
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Physicist: "We succeeded in making time stop in the lab yesterday." Journalist: "For how long?" Physicist: "GTFO!"
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
Ubisoft Entertainment SA proudly present their latest game: Deja Vu Simulator "It's like nothing you've never seen before!" - Game Informer "I wish I could experience it again for the first time, though it wouldn't make any difference." - GameSpot "My brain got confused and I bought it twice" - Steam user Davie420
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
"Your test results came back. Bad news I'm afraid." "What is it, doctor?" "You have the big C." "The big C? Sounds like an abbreviation." "It is." "An abbreviation of what?" "Your lifespan."
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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| Metren Dreadrealm Posts: 1416 |
"I am going to write a book about kids fighting aliens with spoons and hair dryers." "That's not very realistic." "Of course not, it's a sci-fi comedy." "I mean you writing a book."
---- My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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