Burzum - Umskiptar review
| Band: | Burzum |
| Album: | Umskiptar |
| Style: | Black metal |
| Release date: | May 21, 2012 |
| A review by: | Troy Killjoy |
01. Blóðstokkinn
02. Jóln
03. Alfadanz
04. Hit Helga Tré
05. Æra
06. Heiðr
07. Valgaldr
08. Galgviðr
09. Surtr Sunnan
10. Gullaldr
11. Níðhöggr
Imagine this: During a weekend away from home, you decided to hit up as many fast food restaurants as humanly possible. But not just the major chains. You also make stops at all the small franchised take-out places that put the Triple Whopper to shame. You keep consuming and consuming until your stomach feels like it's been filled with bricks... This is a sure-fire sign that you need to take a shit. A big one. But you remember the last time you took a shit after a long weekend out... it was fucking unpleasant. And this time it's going to be much, much worse.
That's an analogy, in case you were wondering. Varg Vikernes, GENIUS MASTERMIND OF GLORIOUS BLACK METAL PROJECT Burzum, has been releasing - for lack of a better term - quite a stream of shit since his release from prison. Belus, Fallen, and now Umskiptar. Somewhere in there exists a compilation of re-recorded shit, too. Probably the result of too many trips to the little take-out chains. This shit is much different than before, however. This time around we're exposed to something far more shitty. Umskiptar marks a major departure from any of the shit Varg's been involved with before... although that doesn't necessarily mean it's not shitty as well. In fact, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it right now. This album is the worst of a bad bunch. Shit.
Having essentially moved away completely from the dark, atmospheric black metal of yore, Varg is now seemingly interested in "paying homage" to the likes of Bathory and early Enslaved by playing some stripped down version of what people back in the day called viking metal. The problem is the complete lack of anything going on. This album takes simplicity and meandering to an entirely different level. Rather than beautifully composed epic melodious black metal anthems, encouraging atmospheric tales of fantasy and historical wars, or even the traditional grim and frostbitten stylings of the second wave (of which Burzum was a significant part), Varg presents the world with his least imaginative work to date - even taking Dauði Baldrs into consideration.
I've heard more variation on a "sleep music" CD.
Picture an aging man dressed in some cheesy medieval battle costume chanting a Norse poem in his native tongue around a campfire to the same uninspired snail-paced riff that leads absolutely nowhere, beginning with the same folk-inspired "melody" as it ends with. Did I mention that all of these elements are buried deep in this weakening fuzzy production? Now picture this old man chanting to his one-dimensional folk-driven atmospheric music. Now do yourself a favor and don't bother ever making that mental image a reality.
Rating breakdown
| Performance: | 3 |
| Songwriting: | 2 |
| Originality: | 4 |
| Production: | 4 |
 | Written on 11.05.2012 by I'm total pro; that's what I'm here for. |
Rating:
8.2
8.2
|
Rating: 8.2 |
Another year passes, another Burzum album is released. Since Varg Vikernes, the most controversial Norwegian figure, has been released on probation from jail, he managed to put a new album every year and 2012, the year when the Mayan "apocalypse" is supposed to take place, is no exception. I do not know what Varg has been doing in jail. For 11 years he hasn't released a new record and in 2010 we get Belus and one year later Fallen. What can we say about Umskiptar? A new direction? Maybe, but not quite. Is it good or not? Depends on the individual. Since this is my own review I have to admit that when I listened to it first, I wasn't impressed but after a couple of auditions, I get that even Varg tries to take a step towards innovation. Read more ›› |
Comments page 4 / 6
| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18378  |
Written by Slayer666 on 12.05.2012 at 13:33 Welp, I personally don't believe it's that bad, neither does Joe considering his first comment. But I would definitely put it in the 4-5 range. So yeah, it's bad.
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| !J.O.O.E.! Account deleted |
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| Slayer666 Posts: 2466  |
Written by X-Ray Rod on 12.05.2012 at 14:20 About halfway through it right now, and sweet Jesus it's boring... Not downright offensively bad like Striborg or Gallhammer, but more monotonous than going through 2 hours of Teletubbies.
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| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306  |
Written by Merchant of Doom on 12.05.2012 at 10:58 I don't regret any of my reviews. Some of them breed "controversy" because I'm offensive and I make a lot of jokes. I'm an amateur writer who says what he wants about the music he listens to. The fact you didn't like it is out of my hands - the majority of my audience tends to appreciate my reviews for their content - even if the content is primarily comprised of jokes and insults.
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306 |
Written by X-Ray Rod on 12.05.2012 at 14:20 The general consensus seems to be that this album is bad/boring/repetitive. I just took it a little more extreme, hence the lower rating.
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18378 |
Written by Troy Killjoy on 12.05.2012 at 15:47 "But Troy! A review shouldn't be just jokes and insults! That's not a review!" "Pffff, like if this album deserved any better".
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306 |
Written by X-Ray Rod on 12.05.2012 at 16:07 I think I've used that line once or twice before, honestly. It's very difficult to dissect music "properly" when there isn't really anything to dissect. I'm not gonna bore my readers to death by continuously pointing out the most subtle elements imaginable - I'm gonna make jokes and references to things that express just how bored I am listening to this shit.
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18378 |
Written by Troy Killjoy on 12.05.2012 at 16:12 Like I said before: It's just like Daniel's review for Lulu. Did he make any special music dissection? No. Don't you think it was necessary? Fuck no. Why? Because the album doesn't deserve one since it's one huge pile of monotonous shit that only needs 30-40 words if not less to be explained yet we must follow the rules of reviewing.
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| !J.O.O.E.! Account deleted |
!J.O.O.E.!
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I love how this review has essentially turned into a review of Troy's reviews 
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| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306 |
Written by [user id=4365] on 12.05.2012 at 16:20 This one more than the rest, although there are usually at least a few users who like to review my reviews. 
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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| !J.O.O.E.! Account deleted |
!J.O.O.E.!
Account deleted Written by Troy Killjoy on 12.05.2012 at 16:29 Yeah, seems to be a lot of whinge-bags recently :/
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18378 |
Written by Troy Killjoy on 12.05.2012 at 16:29 This album isn't interesting enough to talk about it.
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| !J.O.O.E.! Account deleted |
!J.O.O.E.!
Account deleted Written by X-Ray Rod on 12.05.2012 at 16:34 Basically yes. I was gonna start talking about the weather until I saw people bitching.
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| InnerSelf proofread free Posts: 2695  |
Yo dawg, we heard you liked reviews so we put a review in your review.
---- He who is not bold enough to be stared at from across the abyss is not bold enough to stare into it himself.
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| Varegan Hamranakara Posts: 912  |
I just hope its the last review about this shit! shit doesnt deserve to be over-shited again and again
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| wolfss1 Posts: 1 |
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| @gent_-_orange Posts: 905  |
This review isn't rubbish purely because you disagree with it. IMO this review is dead on and this album is crap even by Burzum's mediocre (though influential) standards.
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| ThunderAxe1989 Account deleted |
ThunderAxe1989
Account deleted
The voice sounds a bit strange to me..... Ummm I don't think it's quite as bad as the review would lead one to believe (I sort of say that with hesitation)......It's certainly not that great, like I don't know if it's anything to run home about..... But we've definately lost the old Vikernes, that's for damn sure 
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| Merchant of Doom Posts: 702  |
Written by Troy Killjoy on 12.05.2012 at 15:47 fine by me, Troy... if you think your occasional jokey style is good, please go ahead. It's just one opinion... many people seem to enjoy them here. BTW, I listened to it a few times more, and it's not that bad. It has its good moments. Overall, an ok effort. Good background music...
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 9162  |
Written by wolfss1 on 12.05.2012 at 23:40 And that, my fickle friend, is called an opinion, an we all have one, this quite a good/entertaining review, just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean it's a bad review.
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| EdguyAsFuck Posts: 26 |
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| Hendrikse Account deleted |
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18378 |
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Cuca Beludo Account deleted |
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18378 |
Written by [user id=114505] on 13.05.2012 at 23:28 We get advanced copies because we are official reviewers and awesome.
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306 |
Written by [user id=114505] on 13.05.2012 at 23:28 What Doc said, and this album leaked aeons ago.
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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| Bones222 Posts: 8  |
That would have to be one the funniest reviews I have ever read... I'm in stiches at work at the moment, never rated Burzum, could someone flag one of VV's better albums or is it even worth the effort to listen to Burzum?
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18378 |
Written by Bones222 on 14.05.2012 at 09:41 The first 4 albums are classics of Black Metal. The best one being the third album (Hvis Lyset Tar Oss) if you ask me
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| !J.O.O.E.! Account deleted |
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