Adam and eve were in paradise and after creating them god says to eve: eve, you can wander around anywhere you like, except the sea. do not go in the sea, anywhere else you can go freely.
so, knowng this, evertiem adam and eve got in a fight, adam would go in the sea and start mocking eve since she couldn't get in there with him. untill one day she was very furious at him and she said, 'ah, fuck it', and she went inside. so god appeared and as soon as eve saw him she got out and saw she had a fish in her pussy. so when she took it out god said to her in a loud voice: you see eve, now you left all that stinking like fish!!

A blonde just texted me and asked "what does idk stand for?" i said "i don't know" she said "omg!no one does"

Written by Valentin B on 08.01.2009 at 16:38

A blonde just texted me and asked "what does idk stand for?" i said "i don't know" she said "omg!no one does"

She's right....I also didn't know.....

Written by Ernis on 08.01.2009 at 18:05

Written by Valentin B on 08.01.2009 at 16:38

A blonde just texted me and asked "what does idk stand for?" i said "i don't know" she said "omg!no one does"

She's right....I also didn't know.....

I don't know either.... Am I stupid now?

A man is taking a walk in the park when he suddenly hears a mysterious voice:
"Hey, stop there please!"
He looks around and asks: "Who's talking?"
"It's me, look down here!" - it was a frog standing in front of him.
"What?" The man is surprised. "What's wrong with me? Frogs do not talk!"
So the frog says: "I may look like a frog, but actually I am a princess."
"A princess?"
"Yes, I am a young princess and I own a castle, but there is a very, very powerful and evil witch who turned me into a frog, and I need you to dispel the curse."
"But how am I going to do it?"
"It's simple. You just have to give me a kiss."
The man is confused and says: "What? There must be something wrong in my head. I even hear frogs talking and asking me to kiss them and..."
"No!" the frog shouts angrily. "I AM a princess. If you manage to destroy the curse, I promise I'll marry you and we'll be rich and happy, we'll live in a castle and we'll have many children."
So the man, considering that he has nothing to lose, takes the frog, looks for an intimate hideout in the park, and kisses the frog on the temple. Nothing happens.
"Awww," the frog says, "this witch is really powerful and really evil. We have to try something else. You have to kiss my mouth."
"But - are you crazy?" the man says, "I'm not going to kiss a frog like that! You don't even have any lips!"
"I already told you I'm not a frog, I'm a princess! And if you manage to destroy the curse, we'll marry and we'll be rich and happy, we'll live in a castle and we'll have many children."
The man looks in all directions to make sure nobody will see him kissing a frog, and finally gives in and kisses the frog's mouth. Again, nothing happens.
"Damn it!" the frog says, "I never knew this witch was so powerful! Wait - I have an idea!"
"What idea?" the confused man asks.
"You have to have sex with me. Don't look at me like that! Just unzip your pants and do it in my butthole. I am completely sure that this will destroy the spell. And remember, we'll marry and we'll be rich and happy, we'll live in a castle and we'll have many children."
Reluctantly, the man takes the frog to the darkest place he can find and takes his pants out.
He starts to penetrate the frog. Suddenly the air is filled with rainbows and coloured dust, and magically the frog turns into a beautiful, screaming 13-year-old girl.
And this is my client's version, Your Honor...

Written by Taktsekte on 09.01.2009 at 01:48

A man is taking a walk in the park when he suddenly hears a mysterious voice:
"Hey, stop there please!"
He looks around and asks: "Who's talking?"
"It's me, look down here!" - it was a frog standing in front of him.
"What?" The man is surprised. "What's wrong with me? Frogs do not talk!"
So the frog says: "I may look like a frog, but actually I am a princess."
"A princess?"
"Yes, I am a young princess and I own a castle, but there is a very, very powerful and evil witch who turned me into a frog, and I need you to dispel the curse."
"But how am I going to do it?"
"It's simple. You just have to give me a kiss."
The man is confused and says: "What? There must be something wrong in my head. I even hear frogs talking and asking me to kiss them and..."
"No!" the frog shouts angrily. "I AM a princess. If you manage to destroy the curse, I promise I'll marry you and we'll be rich and happy, we'll live in a castle and we'll have many children."
So the man, considering that he has nothing to lose, takes the frog, looks for an intimate hideout in the park, and kisses the frog on the temple. Nothing happens.
"Awww," the frog says, "this witch is really powerful and really evil. We have to try something else. You have to kiss my mouth."
"But - are you crazy?" the man says, "I'm not going to kiss a frog like that! You don't even have any lips!"
"I already told you I'm not a frog, I'm a princess! And if you manage to destroy the curse, we'll marry and we'll be rich and happy, we'll live in a castle and we'll have many children."
The man looks in all directions to make sure nobody will see him kissing a frog, and finally gives in and kisses the frog's mouth. Again, nothing happens.
"Damn it!" the frog says, "I never knew this witch was so powerful! Wait - I have an idea!"
"What idea?" the confused man asks.
"You have to have sex with me. Don't look at me like that! Just unzip your pants and do it in my butthole. I am completely sure that this will destroy the spell. And remember, we'll marry and we'll be rich and happy, we'll live in a castle and we'll have many children."
Reluctantly, the man takes the frog to the darkest place he can find and takes his pants out.
He starts to penetrate the frog. Suddenly the air is filled with rainbows and coloured dust, and magically the frog turns into a beautiful, screaming 13-year-old girl.
And this is my client's version, Your Honor...

holy shit! offensive is an understatement

Ehm...I didn't get it

Written by Elio on 09.01.2009 at 15:21

Ehm...I didn't get it

The punchline is "Your Honor", i.e. the whole story was made up by a lawyer who was defending a pedophile in court.

Damn.... that was so wrong but I loved it.
I love how's written "a beautiful screaming 13-year-old girl"

-What do nine out of ten people enjoy?
-Gang rape.

Written by buki of steel on 02.02.2009 at 16:05

-What do nine out of ten people enjoy?
-Gang rape.

hahhahah jesus this was priceless!!!!!!

My jokes are usually oldies but i'll spin this one anyway. A couple walk into an art gallery filled with expensive and beatiful artwork, but during there guided tour of the museum they stumble upon a picture featuring three hazaley draw black men on a wooden bench, the artwork is excellent the man of the couple says explaining what the artwork says to him at first glance but he asks gingerishly to the guide "Why does the black man in the middle have a pink penis??" the guide explains many philosophical meanings but with no conclusive vokillisation, then a scottish man approaches the group whilst over hearing that the group of art lovers are more then confused over the meaning of the artwork, then the scottsman says to the small group that he had infact painted this peice, and the group replies "if you had painted this tell us why the black man in the middle has a pink penis" he explains quite simply that the picture is just of three scottish coal miners and the one in the middle just went home for lunch.

Shit joke but thats my imput << and sorry i didnt aim to offend anyone heard that on a commercial rock radio if you got problem with that one tell MMM radio melbourne the place for rock sport and comedy

A little boy sneaked into his parents' bedroom. After standing at the door quiet for a while he then said with an offended voice: and I was supposed to be sent to the psychiatrist, because I sucked my thumb...


A brain cell was lost in a man's head. After a while another brain cell passed it and asked: why are you up here alone, come with me, we're all down there together.


A camel and an elephant met. The elephant asked the camel: why do you have boobs on your back. The camel answered: what a funny question from an animal, who has a penis on his face.


What are elevators like in Moscow?
A Tsethsenian presses a button and eight floors come down.

Written by Ernotar on 03.02.2009 at 19:04


A brain cell was lost in a man's head. After a while another brain cell passed it and asked: why are you up here alone, come with me, we're all down there together.


A camel and an elephant met. The elephant asked the camel: why do you have boobs on your back. The camel answered: what a funny question from an animal, who has a penis on his face.

Ahaha these two are brilliant

Written by Ernotar on 03.02.2009 at 19:04

A little boy sneaked into his parents' bedroom. After standing at the door quiet for a while he then said with an offended voice: and I was supposed to be sent to the psychiatrist, because I sucked my thumb...


A brain cell was lost in a man's head. After a while another brain cell passed it and asked: why are you up here alone, come with me, we're all down there together.


A camel and an elephant met. The elephant asked the camel: why do you have boobs on your back. The camel answered: what a funny question from an animal, who has a penis on his face.


What are elevators like in Moscow?
A Tsethsenian presses a button and eight floors come down.

before i read this post i said to myself "one of these jokes is of the feminist type"... guess what i was right!

Written by Ernotar on 03.02.2009 at 19:04

A brain cell was lost in a man's head. After a while another brain cell passed it and asked: why are you up here alone, come with me, we're all down there together.

Why do girls go to the bathroom in pairs?
Because while one of them is taking a dump, the other one presses her head so that everything comes out.

Written by Taktsekte on 06.02.2009 at 14:41


Why do girls go to the bathroom in pairs?
Because while one of them is taking a dump, the other one presses her head so that everything comes out.

hahah, picturing this is priceless. but actually get to see it, whooaa!!

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
Four+; one to change the light bulb and three or more to form a support group.

Haha those kind of jokes are even funnier when shared by a woman

Gay Ray goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

The doctor comes back and says, "Ray, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS."

Ray is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"

"Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,1/2 box of Grape nuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."

Ray asks bewildered, "Will that cure me, Doc? "

Doc says, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your fuckin' ass is for."

Ok here are two extremely offensive ones, one about pedophelia and one about dead jews, note that I think both are horrible and I support these things in no way whatsoever but the jokes really cracked me up
If you feel very offended you are allowed to write me a letter

-----------------------------------------------

Q: How does the pedophile make the five year old girl cry the second time?
A: By wiping off the blood on her favourite teddy bear


Q: How far can a jew fly?
A: The hight of the chimney multiplied by the strength of the wind

Written by Bas on 08.02.2009 at 22:25


Q: How does the pedophile make the five year old girl cry the second time?
A: By wiping off the blood on her favourite teddy bear


Q: How far can a jew fly?
A: The hight of the chimney multiplied by the strength of the wind

wooaahh!! i though i knew cruel jokes, but... now those are some heavy jokes!! funny, but cruel, nevertheless.

ok, here's one i heard on a movie:
Q: what do you call a mushroom that walks into a bar and buys everyone drinks?
A: a fungi

that one actually made laugh my ass off. still does

Written by Graveheart on 08.02.2009 at 01:35

Haha those kind of jokes are even funnier when shared by a woman

Haha, to be honest I love sexist jokes about women. They're my favorite kind. ^^

You know what is the BIGGEST risk?? - Farting when you have diarrhea..

Do you know why the girl fell when she was in the swing?



... She didn't have any arms! DUH!

Written by X-Ray Rod on 10.02.2009 at 16:28

Do you know why the girl fell when she was in the swing?



... She didn't have any arms! DUH!

Do you know why a squirrel fell from a tree?




...Because it was dead.

Written by Fhuesc on 10.02.2009 at 22:32

Written by X-Ray Rod on 10.02.2009 at 16:28

Do you know why the girl fell when she was in the swing?



... She didn't have any arms! DUH!

Do you know why a squirrel fell from a tree?




...Because it was dead.

Eh?

You know why an apple fell from a tree?

... Because of gravity.

My brother just told me this one

Q: why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: because if they flew over the bay they would be called 'bagels'

made me laugh a lot

Couple of them might be slightly offensive ones lol..

Nuns and the Blind man

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice gazongas," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"


=======================================================


Q. What do gay guys call condoms?

A. Mud flaps.

=======================================================

Q: What did the nut say to the bolt?

A: Screw me.

=======================================================


It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre the fighter pilot and says, "Pierre, kiss me!" He grabs a bottle of merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

"What are you doing, Pierre?" asks the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles, and they start kissing.

Things began to heat up. Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." He tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.

"Pierre, what are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!" They resume their passionate interlude. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"

Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of cognac and pours it in her lap. He strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river.

Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms up and screams furiously, "Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"

Pierre stands up defiantly and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"

=======================================================

Why do women rub there eys when they getup in the morning?

Because they don't have balls to scratch.

=======================================================

Why are pubic hairs curly?

So you don't poke your eye out.

A blind man goes into a whorehouse and asks for a girl. The madam figures, since he's blind, she'll just give him an inflatable, lifesize doll -- he won't know the difference. So the man goes in the room with the inflatable girl and comes outfive minutes later. The madam asks him what happened and he says, “I slapped her ass, she farted and blew out the window.”