Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 28.07.2014 at 12:39

^ that's not a joke (since it lacked a punchline). It's just a description of an infamous David Hasselhoff night on the town which can be seen here http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/20673/

It is kind of joke, what with how I masterfully lead the audience into thinking it'll be a regular old "guy in bar" joke but then pull out the Hasselhoff story.

If you didn't think that's what I was referring to and just happened to coincidentally make up the exact story of the Hoff's fateful night then that is kind of funny.

A joke doesn't require a punchline to be considered a joke. A joke is basically just a funny story. Of course, "funny" is the operative word here, being that humor is subjective, but still.

Ok this one is a bit macabre but its good:

So,two middle aged men from Balkans went on hunting safari trip to Africa.At end of first day they summaries what have they have hunted :
"I have hunt down two lions and one elephant",said one of them.
"well i was better"said the other one and added "I have hunted down 3 zebras,a lion,elephant ,one rhino and 5 nopleases!"
"Noplease?! what the hell is that?" said the first one.
"well noplease is small ,black,skinny ,hides in bushes and screams "NO PLEASE!" when you aim at them...,i got 5 of them,can you believe that!?"


also :

A:"what is worst than a dead baby in one dumpster?"
B:"Dunno.What?"
A:"One dead baby in two dumpsters!"

EDIT:
this one is the shit

So there was couple of gravediggers in night shift on graveyards.They were so hungry and poor so they have decided to dig up a fresh corpse and eat some!
So they proceeded and dug up a fresh one and started eating.One of them started eating corpses liver and other one just watched him for some 10 minutes.
"What!?" said the first one.
"I believe there was a fly in your liver!"
"Damn it!"said the first one and started puking all over the place.
"Thank you for warming up my breakfast! " said the second one.

The second one is funny. The third is weird cause the guy's disbusted by eating a fly. Doesn't make sense when you're eating a dead guy's raw liver.

Edit: "disbusted" (typo) = mix between disgusted and disturbed.

Yeah, the second one is funny. Most dead baby jokes are though.....

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

A man is out hunting deer, he sees one and shoots it. When he gets up to it, its lying on the ground.
So he puts a tag on its ear but it gets up and runs away. He hears a shot from someone else.
He finds another man standing over the deer he shot.
"Hey that's my deer" the first man said
"No I shot it and killed it" replied the second man
"Well I tagged it, so its mine"
"Mister, if you can run fast enough to tag a deer you can have it"

Written by Totenlieder on 17.08.2014 at 09:43

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

Alternate ending: trick question, they don't use lightbulbs, only rare oil lamps from 1820's coal mines

A friend at work told me this joke...found it on the internet:

Three dead guys are in line waiting to get into heaven. Before they go in, St. Peter asks them how did they die. So he asks the first man and the first man says, "Well I've suspected for a while that my wife had been cheating on me with another man so I came home early from work on purpose. When I got back to the apartement she was lying naked in bed like she had just been having sex. So I checked under the bed and there was no one there. I checked in the closet and there was no one there, so I looked on the balcony and there was some guy hanging from the railing. I got so angry I beat his hands until he fell, then I ran back in the apartement, grabbed the refridgerator, brought it back out, and dropped over the railing right on top of him. Then I was so mad I had a heart attack and died and came here." St. Peter said, "It sounds like you've had it rough, so I'll let you in."

The next man walks up and gets asked the same question. So this man says, "I was in my apartement when I slipped and fell over the railing. I was able to grab onto the railing of the apartement below me but then this guy starts pounding on my fists until I fall. Then he goes and dumps this refridgerator on me and I wound up here." St. Peter lets this guy in too because he has also had it rough.

Then the third guy comes up and is also asked the question. This guy replies, "Okay, so I'm banging this married chick when the husband comes home early. So I go and hide in the refridgerator..."

Written by Ilham on 19.06.2014 at 01:29

Those "jokes" make me feel uncomfortable.

Same here, althought the joke fourms used to be funny back in the day when Beastofmetal456 was still active on MS.

Written by [user id=28526] on 18.08.2014 at 13:13

Same here, althought the joke fourms used to be funny back in the day when Beastofmetal456 was still active on MS.

Sir, you made me curious. But I can only find a guy who has ten posts and nothing special about them. My morning will be disappointing and uninteresting because of you.

Written by Ilham on 18.08.2014 at 14:00

Written by [user id=28526] on 18.08.2014 at 13:13

Same here, althought the joke fourms used to be funny back in the day when Beastofmetal456 was still active on MS.

Sir, you made me curious. But I can only find a guy who has ten posts and nothing special about them. My morning will be disappointing and uninteresting because of you.

Ok, Ma'am wait a second I remember now. He deleted his profile so many times, but his last acount I think was Oaken. The most intresting guy I ever talked with.

Written by [user id=28526] on 18.08.2014 at 14:22
Ok, Ma'am wait a second I remember now. He deleted his profile so many times, but his last acount I think was Oaken. The most intresting guy I ever talked with.

Can't find it .

You have to tell me a joke now. Make amends to me and the thread.

Alright, chalenge accepted.

My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing?
Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.

So I read a good one today which made me chuckle.

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. "What size?" asks the clerk. "Gee, I don't know." "Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly. Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves. A high school kid comes in to buy condoms. "What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"

:-P

Haha. For both JD's and moon's jokes.

Written by Ilham on 18.08.2014 at 14:00
Sir, you made me curious. But I can only find a guy who has ten posts and nothing special about them. My morning will be disappointing and uninteresting because of you.

He went under many pseudonyms, the most recent of which I believe was Oaken.

How does NASA have a party?

They planet.

...

Pfft heard it a hundred times.

This is one of my favourite jokes because it works well even when it's written: what do you call a fish with no eyes?




A fsh.

Those last two were the best ones so far

Ok, here is another one.

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough." 

The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied. 

The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself. These are my cookies!"

That's so funny I almost fell off my dinosaur.

Hhahahaah not bad.

Written by Troy Killjoy on 18.08.2014 at 19:26

... I almost fell off my dinosaur.

Like we say here "that joke is so old it's got a two metre long beard"

I have heard it

Now I know why this fourm is so boring.

So a dude went to pro hooker ,and as he was sealing the deal she said this:
"well how ya wanna fuck me? like experienced or like a virgin?" The dude than said "what's the difference?"
so she than said "well fucking me like a virgin would cost double".The dude had no money so he chose the first option.but he was intrigued for days afterwards."How the hell a pro hooker can be virgin?".So after some time he gathered the money,went back to her and chose the second option.She turned the lights off and they started.
And so as he fucked her,she was screaming,there was blood everywhere and it really felt like it was her first time.
As it ended,lights went on,he started putting back his trousers ,and asked her :"so what's the secret?! how?! how is that even possible "
"well i will tell you that,since you are so eager to know"she said,and carried on "Do you know in what have you sticking your dick?It was not pussy,it was not ass,it was a syphilis wound..."

@_@

I mean I don't mind the gore. But it's not funny.

Written by Ilham on 21.08.2014 at 00:52

I mean I don't mind the gore. But it's not funny.

100% agreed.

NOT FUNNY AT ALL

Btw looked up pictures of syphilis wounds and guess what?...