Band:	Crowhurst
Album:	The Mountain Of The Cannibal Goddess
Style:	Noise, Experimental black metal
Release date:	January 18, 2016
A review by:	ScreamingSteelUS

01. The 50 Foot Cannibal Goddess
02. Flesh Eaters Of The SS

This is not music.

This literally does not belong to the genre of extant thing that we humans call "music." You think I'm kidding? You think this is a game? You think I'm only saying that because somebody, somehow, found a way to make an album of containing less musical merit than all the other awful, awful albums I've reviewed - Surachai, Six Feet Under, Liturgy, Six Feet Under, Manowar, Six Feet Under - and I'm simply not sure how to process this stunning occurrence? No, friends, I say that because The Mountain Of The Cannibal Goddess literally does not constitute music in any format recognizable by humans.

People like to describe bands such as AC/DC or Motörhead with that same, tired punchline: "Oh, if you've heard one song then you've heard them all, ha ha, lol!" Shut up. To hear the very first second of The Mountain Of The Cannibal Goddess is to not only destroy your ears and your headphones in one fell swoop, but to hear the entire 19-minute running time of this EP at once. These two tracks are nothing but a consistent, unbroken, unsolicited shower of angry, crackly, abrasive noise. Not even the good kind of harsh noise, either. I listen to Boris and Merzbow, I have willingly sat through Whitehouse on repeated occasions, and I bought a Nurse With Wound album once. I've spent more money on Stalaggh, Gulaggh, and Anal Cunt than any human reasonably should. Just today I got another Melt-Banana live album in the mail. Jute Gyte, Abruptum, Aderlating, whatever. Bring it.

What I mean to hammer into your head by pointlessly explaining my pedigree is that I can take the noise. I can take nothingness and monotony and painful amplifier discharge. But THIS? This is less than nothing. The Mountain Of The Cannibal Goddess has no change in structure, no attempts at evolution, not even any substantive difference between the two tracks. There do not need to be two separate tracks on this EP. They are both exactly the same.

Well? I suppose that's not entirely true.

Around minute seven of "Flesh Eaters Of The SS," the noise monster changes to a slightly higher pitch and a distinct whirring noise cuts in for about a minute before vanishing again, leaving the steady monotone of rattling feedback untouched for the remainder of the EP. If the preceding sentence seems like the dumbest thing you've ever read in an album review, you and I are in agreement, friend.

I almost had a complete existential crisis while I was listening to this EP. If a recorded work contains nothing but blasting feedback, how do you rate it on a scale intended for music? This isn't even drone or ambient or noise music at this point. This EP isn't music and clearly was never even intended to be - and hey, sometimes I think I could use a wall of flat, endless, harsh noise to calm my nerves, so I'm not about to say that this kind of aural project is completely devoid of conceivable applications.

What I am saying is that this isn't music at all in any way, shape, or form. This EP does not need to exist and I cannot justify assigning artistic value to it.