Written by Valentin B on 13.03.2009 at 16:46

How do you keep an idiot busy?

read below

how do you keep an idiot busy?

read above

This is a classic

Now this is an old joke.


6 Truths of Life:

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.


Oh, and:

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

Written by Ragana on 13.03.2009 at 19:34

Now this is an old joke.


6 Truths of Life:

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

Damn!!!! I got busted... And I'm still smiling!!!

Written by Ragana on 13.03.2009 at 19:34

Now this is an old joke.


6 Truths of Life:

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

AAAAGHHH DAMN YOU that was epic

Yeah, but there was another joke with reaching your elbow with your own tongue or something... that was even more stupid.

Written by Ragana on 13.03.2009 at 21:06

Yeah, but there was another joke with reaching your elbow with your own tongue or something... that was even more stupid.

yeah but i know you can't do that, lol. i bet that 90% of the metalstormers reading this will try it in 3, 2, 1...

Don't know if you heard the joke but here goes...

A swedish woman comes to america for the first time. She walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hello, I am from Sveden and would like to try your American beer, what do you suggest?" and the bartender goes "Anything Anheuser-Busch" and then she goes "Very good, and hows your veiner?" hahaha it goes better if you say it with the accent.

Heres another one thats so wrong and sick,

Whats worse than eating a bald pussy?.....

putting the diaper back on! ewwww....lol

and my lil bro told me this one...

Blond walks into a bar... DING!!!!!

Written by Ragana on 13.03.2009 at 19:34

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

I've already done the first three

Written by {aud}devil on 13.03.2009 at 22:05

Don't know if you heard the joke but here goes...

A swedish woman comes to america for the first time. She walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hello, I am from Sveden and would like to try your American beer, what do you suggest?" and the bartender goes "Anything Anheuser-Busch" and then she goes "Very good, and hows your veiner?" hahaha it goes better if you say it with the accent.

i didn't really get this one

Written by Valentin B on 13.03.2009 at 22:31

Written by {aud}devil on 13.03.2009 at 22:05

Don't know if you heard the joke but here goes...

A swedish woman comes to america for the first time. She walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hello, I am from Sveden and would like to try your American beer, what do you suggest?" and the bartender goes "Anything Anheuser-Busch" and then she goes "Very good, and hows your veiner?" hahaha it goes better if you say it with the accent.

i didn't really get this one

Anheuser-Busch, said in America is like "AND HOWS YOUR BUSH" do you get it now?

Written by {aud}devil on 13.03.2009 at 22:35

Written by Valentin B on 13.03.2009 at 22:31

Written by {aud}devil on 13.03.2009 at 22:05

Don't know if you heard the joke but here goes...

A swedish woman comes to america for the first time. She walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hello, I am from Sveden and would like to try your American beer, what do you suggest?" and the bartender goes "Anything Anheuser-Busch" and then she goes "Very good, and hows your veiner?" hahaha it goes better if you say it with the accent.

i didn't really get this one

Anheuser-Busch, said in America is like "AND HOWS YOUR BUSH" do you get it now?

lol i get it now, hadn't really heard of that brand of beer.

Written by Valentin B on 13.03.2009 at 22:48

Written by {aud}devil on 13.03.2009 at 22:35

Written by Valentin B on 13.03.2009 at 22:31

Written by {aud}devil on 13.03.2009 at 22:05

Don't know if you heard the joke but here goes...

A swedish woman comes to america for the first time. She walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hello, I am from Sveden and would like to try your American beer, what do you suggest?" and the bartender goes "Anything Anheuser-Busch" and then she goes "Very good, and hows your veiner?" hahaha it goes better if you say it with the accent.

i didn't really get this one

Anheuser-Busch, said in America is like "AND HOWS YOUR BUSH" do you get it now?

lol i get it now, hadn't really heard of that brand of beer.

They are the ones that make Budweiser, Anheuser-Busch is the company, surely you heard of that right? lol

Written by {aud}devil on 13.03.2009 at 23:14

Written by Valentin B on 13.03.2009 at 22:48

Written by {aud}devil on 13.03.2009 at 22:35

Written by Valentin B on 13.03.2009 at 22:31

Written by {aud}devil on 13.03.2009 at 22:05

Don't know if you heard the joke but here goes...

A swedish woman comes to america for the first time. She walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hello, I am from Sveden and would like to try your American beer, what do you suggest?" and the bartender goes "Anything Anheuser-Busch" and then she goes "Very good, and hows your veiner?" hahaha it goes better if you say it with the accent.

i didn't really get this one

Anheuser-Busch, said in America is like "AND HOWS YOUR BUSH" do you get it now?

lol i get it now, hadn't really heard of that brand of beer.

They are the ones that make Budweiser, Anheuser-Busch is the company, surely you heard of that right? lol

who hasn't?

Quote:
Who hasn't?

You are one funny course of nature, dude

Written by Ragana on 13.03.2009 at 19:34

Now this is an old joke.


6 Truths of Life:

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.


Oh, and:

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

one of the funiest things i ever read

Written by Valentin B on 13.03.2009 at 21:25

Written by Ragana on 13.03.2009 at 21:06

Yeah, but there was another joke with reaching your elbow with your own tongue or something... that was even more stupid.

yeah but i know you can't do that, lol. i bet that 90% of the metalstormers reading this will try it in 3, 2, 1...

i actually did

Really can't remember all jokes that have been mentioned, but here we go:

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

-------

Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, sometimes 36 holes.

Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course.

Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; torrential downpour.

There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.

He returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that crap?"

---

Some rather ridiculous ones xD

Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.

Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.

Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!

Jokes a better when told in person

Written by Rozz on 07.04.2009 at 18:49

Jokes a better when told in person

Now... that was a joke too?

However, this is something really stupid:

A blonde walks into the hairdresser with headphones on. She asks the woman working there for a haircut. The blonde sits down in the chair. The woman takes the blonde's headphones off and cuts her hair. At the end, the woman asks how she likes her hair but, to her surprise the blonde is dead! The woman picks up the headphones and listens.
She hears: "Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out."

Written by Ragana on 07.04.2009 at 19:24

Written by Rozz on 07.04.2009 at 18:49

Jokes a better when told in person

Now... that was a joke too?

However, this is something really stupid:

A blonde walks into the hairdresser with headphones on. She asks the woman working there for a haircut. The blonde sits down in the chair. The woman takes the blonde's headphones off and cuts her hair. At the end, the woman asks how she likes her hair but, to her surprise the blonde is dead! The woman picks up the headphones and listens.
She hears: "Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out."

hehe i might have found the alot more funnier in person becuase. i don't no maybe it's just me

i guess ill tell a bad joke haah

How do you stop 5 blacks guys from raping a lady?

Throw them a basket ball

A guy walks into a bar, orders a drink and starts trying to pick up women, but with no luck. 10 minutes later an extremely ugly guy walks into the same bar and suddenly he's surrounded by women, and in 5 minutes he leaves with 3 hotties.

the guy asks the bartender: "wow, that was impressive, he's so ugly yet managed to get those 3 gorgeous girls... what is his secret?"
"i don't know, really, he does the same every night: he comes in, orders a drink and sits there licking his eyebrows.."

Written by Valentin B on 07.04.2009 at 21:51

A guy walks into a bar, orders a drink and starts trying to pick up women, but with no luck. 10 minutes later an extremely ugly guy walks into the same bar and suddenly he's surrounded by women, and in 5 minutes he leaves with 3 hotties.

the guy asks the bartender: "wow, that was impressive, he's so ugly yet managed to get those 3 gorgeous girls... what is his secret?"
"i don't know, really, he does the same every night: he comes in, orders a drink and sits there licking his eyebrows.."

had to read it twice to get it but it is real funny

RULES OF BEDROOM GOLF

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on the course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners have the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as are necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the hole again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course currently being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to bring appropriate rain gear.

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate to discover that someone else is playing what they consider to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the hole temporarily under repair. Players are cautioned to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.

12. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine.

13. Slow play is encouraged, however players should be prepared to play at a faster pace at the request of the course owner.

14. It is considered outstanding performance to play the same hole several times in one match, time permitting.

15. The course owner shall be the sole judge of who is the best player.

Here's one :
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is just like licking your sister's cunt - The taste is the same,but it's just not right...

Written by T_s_T on 08.04.2009 at 00:41

Here's one :
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is just like licking your sister's cunt - The taste is the same,but it's just not right...

ohhhh, maaan!! i love this type of analogys (or whatever it's called )
amazing!

Got this one from a guy on yahoo messenger:
Talking on the phone with my dad:

"wait... damn, i have a hair in my mouth, wait a second"

"make her shave goddamit!!"

Written by Graveheart on 08.04.2009 at 00:36

RULES OF BEDROOM GOLF

this one was hilarious and witty at the same time

Written by T_s_T on 08.04.2009 at 00:41

Here's one :
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is just like licking your sister's cunt - The taste is the same,but it's just not right...

That's fucking brilliant!

A blind one was walking in the kitchen. He touched a grate suddenly. After a moment he shouted "who has written all these nonsenses?!"

What do you call a prostitute hobbit?

a hoe-bbit!

hahaha. came up with it and it made me laugh