Very stupid joke hehehe:

the bear was chilling in the apple tree. a guy comes round and sees the bear and asks:
what's up?
ah, nothing, just chilling and eating some pears.
pears? but you're in an apple tree, why are you eating pears?!
i had them with me.

Best e-mail addresses....

10. Helen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) - eatonsht @ dku.edu

9. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) - dickinme @ iup.edu

8. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) - kissinfk @ lvu.edu

7. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) - aspicker @ pu.edu

6. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) - ibballin @ bsu.edu

5. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton Canada) - btkisser @ bendover.com

4. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) - ihadcock @ tru.com

3. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) - cumminme @ fu.edu

2. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) - blowmegd @ dropdrawers.com

...but at No 1, it had to be...

1. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) - beeranbj @ myplace.com

Dedicated to our Finns and K7....

15°C / 59°F
This is as warm as it gets in Finland, so we'll start here.
People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves. The Finns are out in the sun, getting a tan.

+10°C / 50°F
The French are trying in vain to start their central heating. The Finns plant flowers in their gardens.

+5°C / 41°F
Italian cars won't start, The Finns are cruising in cabriolets.

0°C / 32°F
Distilled water freezes. The water in Vantaa river (in Finland) gets a little thicker.

-5°C / 23°F
People in California almost freeze to death. The Finns have their final barbecue before winter.

-10°C / 14°F
The Brits start the heat in their houses. The Finns start using long sleeves.

-20°C / -4°F
The Aussies flee from Mallorca. The Finns end their Midsummer celebrations. Autumn is here.

-30°C / -22°F
People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth. The Finns start drying their laundry indoors.

-40°C / -40°F
Paris start cracking in the cold. The Finns stand in line at the hotdog stands.

-50°C / -58°F
Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole. The Finnish army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.

-60°C / -76°F
Korvatunturi (the home for Santa Claus) freezes. The Finns rent a movie and stay indoors.

-70°C / -94°F
The false Santa moves south. The Finns get frustrated since they can't store their Kossu (Koskenkorva vodka) outdoors. The Finnish army goes out on winter survival training.

-183°C / -297.4°F
Microbes in food don't survive. The Finnish cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.

-273°C / -459.4°F
ALL atom-based movent halts. The Finns start saying "Perkele(=damn), it's cold outside today."

-300°C / -508°F
Hell freezes over, Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest

As you can see, the last thing has already happened....

Written by Ernis on 27.08.2009 at 21:30

Best e-mail addresses....
___

Dedicated to our Finns and K7....

15°C / 59°F

Those email addresses are great, and the other one is great too

I have originally heard this with Russians and there was other comparisons...but this version is great too

This one's a bit intellectual:

There was an explosion at the pie factory.
3.1415965 ppl died.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

gang rape.

Written by Entropic Silence on 01.09.2009 at 09:20

This one's a bit intellectual:

There was an explosion at the pie factory.
3.1415965 ppl died.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

gang rape.

Pi factory

Written by Entropic Silence on 01.09.2009 at 09:20

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

gang rape.

Written by Ellrohir on 01.09.2009 at 19:58

Written by Entropic Silence on 01.09.2009 at 09:20

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

gang rape.

I guess the one who doesn't like it is the dude with the green and white hat/bandana.

Possibly

That was some really hot looking girl.

Written by Ellrohir on 01.09.2009 at 19:58

But I want that one just for me! She's hot indeed.

Written by Entropic Silence on 01.09.2009 at 09:20

Pi factory

I am so happy someone got that.

Written by Entropic Silence on 02.09.2009 at 11:13

I am so happy someone got that.

i guess (and hope) more people had

I did too, but it just wasn't fun tbh :

How do you know there's incest in the family?

You can taste your sister on your dad's cock.

Written by Immortal on 05.09.2009 at 09:29

How do you know there's incest in the family?

You can taste your sister on your dad's cock.

Hahaha, sick funny stuff!

Cheap scotsman jokes

McIntosh decides to do some work around the house.
'John, could you please go talk to the neighbor? i wanna borrow a hammer'
'but dad, it wasn't his, he borrowed it from his friend and now gave it back'
'fucking cheapskate! alright get me own hammer, it's in the tool shed'


McIntosh dies and gets to heaven's door for his final judgment. upon getting right in front he goes
'i once gave a penny to a beggar!!'
st peter replies: 'yeah, sure, whatever.. what else good did you do?'
'i gave another penny to a beggar!'
'yeah, what else?'
'i gave another penny to a beggar!'
Jesus, who was strolling around and just happened to overhear the conversation, stops and whispers to peter:
'look Pete, this is gonna take forever, give him back those fucking 3 pennies and send him to hell already!"

Hm...this reminded me, i heard one good "scottish" recently

Four friends (one from Scottland) are about to make a picnic. One says "ill take bread with". Second "ill take butter, cheese and ham with". Third "ill take drinks with". And the scottish one "ill take my brother with"

The nutcase hospital. one day the doctor responsible for one room goes inside and sees everyone was hanging by the ceiling. next day, same thing. next day, same. he begins to worry though and thinks of a solution as none of them would get down voluntarily. so the next day he goes in and shouts:
-summer's over people, autumn has come and all the leaves are turning yellow and falling!
everyone falls to the ground except for 2 guys in a corner
-hey, what are you doing up there? i said summer is over, autumn's here!!
-we don't care.
-why is that?
-because we're pine cones!!


the nutcase hospital. one guy decides to visit and sees a nutcase walking around holding a string tied to a toothbrush, saying "come on, sparky, that's a good boy!" to it.
the guy approaches him and says "are you nuts man? that's a toothbrush not a dog!"
"of course it's not a dog, it's a toothbrush, like DUHHHH!"
the guy looks at him in a weird way, says "fine, i must be hearing things" and walks on. after he gets out of sight, the nutcase goes:
"come on sparky, let's go for a run we've tricked this asshole too!!!"


a visitor at the nutcase hospital. he opens the door and sees two bodies on the floor with stabbing wounds in their backs. there is blood everywhere. he gets into the hallway, sees three bodies on the floor with stabbing wounds in their backs. there is blood everywhere. goes up the stairs, sees four bodies on the floor with stabbing wounds in their backs. on the second floor hallway he also sees five bodies on the floor with stabbing wounds in their backs. he gets to the manager's office with his shoes full of blood and after walking over way too many corpses. he fearfully opens the door and sees the manager on his chair with bloodshot eyes and breathing very heavily, and asking him to come closer.
"thank goodness you're alive, what the hell happened here?"
"come here for a sec, boy, i wanna show you something... closer, closer... thhat's aaabout right..."
the guy gets close up to him, and the manager pulls out a huge hunting knife and plunges it straight into the guy's back.
with his dying breath, the manager says: "tag. you're it."

O man... the last one is fucking brilliant. the second one was also very good, I can almost imagine the guys voice saying "DUUUH!"

Another cheap scotsman joke

A scotsman is drinking his bottle of whiskey in a bar. As it was time to close, the bar tender tells him he has to leave. The scot takes his bottle puts it inside his jacket and leaves. Being pretty drunk, he stumbles and falls as he gets out of the bar. As he gets up, he realizes his jacket and shirt are all wet and thinks to himself: "I hope it's blood".

Q: what shoe size does a paraplegic kid wear?

A: 18" rims

Written by [user id=17278] on 16.09.2009 at 20:36

Another cheap scotsman joke

A scotsman is drinking his bottle of whiskey in a bar. As it was time to close, the bar tender tells him he has to leave. The scot takes his bottle puts it inside his jacket and leaves. Being pretty drunk, he stumbles and falls as he gets out of the bar. As he gets up, he realizes his jacket and shirt are all wet and thinks to himself: "I hope it's blood".

tbh until now i've never heard people outside of Romania having the whole 'Scots are cheap' jokes i have no idea why.

Written by Valentin B on 17.09.2009 at 11:40

Written by [user id=17278] on 16.09.2009 at 20:36

Another cheap scotsman joke

A scotsman is drinking his bottle of whiskey in a bar. As it was time to close, the bar tender tells him he has to leave. The scot takes his bottle puts it inside his jacket and leaves. Being pretty drunk, he stumbles and falls as he gets out of the bar. As he gets up, he realizes his jacket and shirt are all wet and thinks to himself: "I hope it's blood".

tbh until now i've never heard people outside of Romania having the whole 'Scots are cheap' jokes i have no idea why.

We have that here too. And also the same thing for the people around town Pirot in Serbia

Written by Valentin B on 17.09.2009 at 11:40

Written by [user id=17278] on 16.09.2009 at 20:36

Another cheap scotsman joke

A scotsman is drinking his bottle of whiskey in a bar. As it was time to close, the bar tender tells him he has to leave. The scot takes his bottle puts it inside his jacket and leaves. Being pretty drunk, he stumbles and falls as he gets out of the bar. As he gets up, he realizes his jacket and shirt are all wet and thinks to himself: "I hope it's blood".

tbh until now i've never heard people outside of Romania having the whole 'Scots are cheap' jokes i have no idea why.

Here in Italy we say that Portogueses are cheap

Written by Elio on 17.09.2009 at 12:27

Written by Valentin B on 17.09.2009 at 11:40

Written by [user id=17278] on 16.09.2009 at 20:36

Another cheap scotsman joke

A scotsman is drinking his bottle of whiskey in a bar. As it was time to close, the bar tender tells him he has to leave. The scot takes his bottle puts it inside his jacket and leaves. Being pretty drunk, he stumbles and falls as he gets out of the bar. As he gets up, he realizes his jacket and shirt are all wet and thinks to himself: "I hope it's blood".

tbh until now i've never heard people outside of Romania having the whole 'Scots are cheap' jokes i have no idea why.

Here in Italy we say that Portogueses are cheap

Hey! What the hell is that supposed to mean? lol

Written by Valentin B on 17.09.2009 at 11:40

Written by [user id=17278] on 16.09.2009 at 20:36

Another cheap scotsman joke

A scotsman is drinking his bottle of whiskey in a bar. As it was time to close, the bar tender tells him he has to leave. The scot takes his bottle puts it inside his jacket and leaves. Being pretty drunk, he stumbles and falls as he gets out of the bar. As he gets up, he realizes his jacket and shirt are all wet and thinks to himself: "I hope it's blood".

tbh until now i've never heard people outside of Romania having the whole 'Scots are cheap' jokes i have no idea why.

tbh, it's not a Romanian joke, it's an English one, but it's a known fact the English and the Scots don't get along much. Don't take these jokes so seriously.

Written by [user id=17278] on 17.09.2009 at 18:56

Written by Valentin B on 17.09.2009 at 11:40

Written by [user id=17278] on 16.09.2009 at 20:36

Another cheap scotsman joke

A scotsman is drinking his bottle of whiskey in a bar. As it was time to close, the bar tender tells him he has to leave. The scot takes his bottle puts it inside his jacket and leaves. Being pretty drunk, he stumbles and falls as he gets out of the bar. As he gets up, he realizes his jacket and shirt are all wet and thinks to himself: "I hope it's blood".

tbh until now i've never heard people outside of Romania having the whole 'Scots are cheap' jokes i have no idea why.

tbh, it's not a Romanian joke, it's an English one, but it's a known fact the English and the Scots don't get along much. Don't take these jokes so seriously.

hahaha i don't, that'd be like believing every hungarian woman is a nymphomaniac, every moldavian is a redneck, every bulgarian woman is ugly as fuck and russians can survive naked at the south pole

Never heard this about hungarian women

American and Czech:
- "In the USA we have: Barack Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope, Johny Cash..."
- "In the Czech Republic we have Jiri Paroubek - no wonder, no hope, no cash!"