Band:	Tort
Album:	II
Style:	Sludge metal
Release date:	January 26, 2015
A review by:	BitterCOld

01. Scratching The Coffin
02. When The Raven
03. Horrible Procession
04. Grave Desecrated
05. Cry Of The Damned
06. Dead

So Tort are back. When last we left them they were being interviewed by Pim from Officium Triste for Lords Of Metal and offered this nugget:

"We hope the album will be appreciated by most people. Others can get fucked by Matt Pike riding a mammoth."

I made it a staff pick of mine, which means two things:

1. I was not in danger of being sexually assaulted by the shirtless axe slinger on an extinct mammal.
2. I was really looking forward to the release of their sophomore album.

Speaking of "2", well, they've unleashed II. And we'll just say I'm still not worried about Matt Pike shoving his Frost Hammer where his Frost Hammer ought not to be.

Tort still play a dirty miasma of all things metal unpleasant. They combine the despair of extreme doom with the grit and grime of sludge, and toss in some crunchy thrash riffs. Vocals shift between death metal growls and black metal rasps. So, in deference to their Spanish heritage, the end product is a paella of misery.

They don't fuck around too much. Songs go between slow or mid-paced, glacial grinds giving way to horn-tossing thrash riffs. As with any good thrash, the riffs are switched up at regular intervals so as to keep it fresh and exciting. Occasionally they open the throttle and pound out a few punishing bars - while being shrieked and growled at - before laying off the velocitator and grinding it out. I think I heard a spastic solo in there somewhere. Lasted seven seconds or so before being dragged back down into the Tort tar pit. The production is ugly and far from polished - making it near perfect for the tunes vomited forth.

Oh, and what would a Tort album be without a bunch of soundbite song intros from cheesy 70's z-grade horror schlock invoking Satam? Most are in Español, but they tossed in some English clips as well. Once or twice these might go on too long, but, let's be honest, they are amusing enough it doesn't matter.

So yeah, I dig it. Hope you do too? else you'll be cringing and soiling yourself every time you hear "Fury whip." Better yet, blare it real loud and have your least favorite neighbors deal with getting Piked.