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Turmion Kätilöt - Global Warning review



Reviewer:
8.0

24 users:
7.12
Band: Turmion Kätilöt
Album: Global Warning
Release date: April 2020


01. Naitu
02. Kyntövuohi
03. Sylkekää Siihen
04. Viha Ja Rakkaus
05. Turvasana
06. Kuoleman Juuret
07. Syvissä Vesissä
08. Sano Kun Riittää
09. Jumalauta
10. Revi Minut Auki
11. Syntisten Laulu
12. Ikävä
13. Mosquito Á la Carte (To Be Contiuned 5)


I'm no fun at parties anymore, but I've never been invited to a party quite like this one. I'm quite certainly better off just listening to it, though.

While it's industrial metal at heart, the tag "extreme disco metal" would do this music more justice - the kind of disco you might find yourself at as the sun starts to rise after a night of heavy drinking, innumerable uppers acquired from your shady acquaintance's shady acquaintance, and an overdose of research-chemical Viagra, that is.

Since releasing their "Rammstein-on-MDMA"-tinged debut album, Hoitovirhe (Malpractice), 16 years ago, Turmion Kätilöt (Midwives of Doom) have departed from their Neue Deutsche Härte upbringings to craft a sound of their own - which I would describe as an extreme metal version of the sorts of party tunes I faintly recall hearing at the elementary school "discos" in the late '90s - becoming one of the most well-known metal bands in Finland in the process.

Here, you will hear none of the baritone vocals associated with the aforementioned German superstars but rather a mix of rhythmic black metal screaming and gruff, sometimes melodic not-quite-growling playing off each other, courtesy of vocalists Shag-U (yes, really) and MC Raaka Pee, respectively. Global Warning is Turmion Kätilöt's first album since getting signed to Nuclear Blast and starts off with "Naitu" (Fucked) setting the stage with an EDM synth line soon exploding into a pumping kick beat accompanied by ringing guitar chords. Turmion Kätilöt's two vocalists soon enter, taking turns to bellow out their depraved yet still quite thoughtful Finnish lyrics about sex, corruption, love, and human nature at a breakneck pace.

"Piinani valuessa reidelläsi / Me olemme niin kauniita / Haureutta, himoa ja valuuttaa / Ei uutta ennen kun on entinen naitu"
("As my torment trickles down your thigh / We are so beautiful / Lewdness, lust and money / A new one only after fucking the former one")

What this band lacks in subtlety and good taste they more than make up for in sheer entertainment value. Mostly every song on the album contains female backing vocals, adding melody behind the harsh singing, turning choruses into proper earworms. The songs are varied enough, with "Kyntövuohi" (Plowing Goat) showcasing thrashy riffs over a faster beat, "Sano Kun Riittää" (Say When It's Enough) shifting from serene singing to trance/dub-fueled shouting matches, and this reviewer's favourite track, "Kuoleman Juuret" (Roots of Death), with its pseudo-spoken-word verses serving to make the listener unprepared for Turmion Kätilöt to drop the catchiest chorus of the decade so far.

So, you might ask, what is wrong with Global Warning? Well, except for the tasteless cover art (anybody fancy a t-shirt?)... At nearly 50 minutes, this music has a tendency to wear out its welcome, especially as the band has contiuned [sic] with their experimental "To Be Contiuned" series of outro songs, this time in the form of "Mosquito Á La Carte" incorporating some salsa influences but as a whole just padding the album into tiresome territories. The slower tracks as well are well-enough placed in the track list, but they find themselves getting skipped over as I repeat this album. Somewhere before the tenth track, "Revi Minut Auki" (Tear Me Open), I tend to lose focus.

Extreme disco metal might not sound too enticing on paper (I wouldn't have thought so, had I not been a fan of Turmion Kätilöt since 2010) but the thing is sometimes I'm pining for the next atmospheric post-rock crescendo, sometimes I need my soul ravaged by the nastiest black metal imaginable, and sometimes I want to sit in amazement of a professionally composed prog opus. Mostly, though, I just want to have a damn good time and this album (while far from perfect) certainly scratches this itch. Catchier than chlamydia, cheesy as... fine, I'll spare both you and me the end of that train of thought. Check out the music video for "Naitu" below for a good example of Turmion Kätilöt's music and aesthetic style (NSFW).

Recommended tracks: Kuoleman Juuret, Jumalauta, Turvasana, Naitu.



Rating breakdown
Performance: 8
Songwriting: 8
Originality: 9
Production: 7

Written by Netzach | 24.04.2020




Guest review disclaimer:
This is a guest review, which means it does not necessarily represent the point of view of the MS Staff.


Comments

Comments: 5   Visited by: 18 users
26.04.2020 - 02:39
DeliciousDishes
always right
This almost sounds like a heavier, better version of Combichrist to me. So that's nice to have. Definitely gonna check out some more of their stuff. The video was in equal parts horrible and great at least hahaha
----
You are the hammer, I am the nail
building a house in the fire on the hill
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26.04.2020 - 18:35
Rating: 8
Netzach
Planewalker
Written by DeliciousDishes on 26.04.2020 at 02:39

This almost sounds like a heavier, better version of Combichrist to me. So that's nice to have. Definitely gonna check out some more of their stuff. The video was in equal parts horrible and great at least hahaha


Thanks for reading, glad you found it enjoyable! I can understand people not liking this but they gotta pull their pants down and get their groove on. The video is definitely something else, hilarious in a "who comes up with this lunacy"-kind of way.

For more Turmion Kätilöt, check out Pirun Nyrkki (2006), USCH! (2009) or Technodiktator (2013), in order of personal preference. This album is at least on par with the third one on that list, I'd say.

Dance on, and don't mind the guy over there putting pills in your drink.
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26.04.2020 - 19:50
RaduP
CertifiedHipster
Extreme disco metal sounds like a blast, I need to check this
----
Do you think if the heart keeps on shrinking
One day there will be no heart at all?
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10.08.2020 - 00:45
zoller
Account deleted
Lol, that video! I give that video a 10/10. The girl in the video with the black hair is actually super hot, I likey.

This music is insanely interesting to me, and like I told you, it's crazy they are on Nuclear Blast. And even still being on this label, they don't seem to get the attention they deserve.

Rammstein on MDMA is pretty accurate too, and I definitely like this more than Rammstein. I think "extreme disco metal" does sound really exciting, no matter what

Great review man, looking forward to more of them!!!
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10.08.2020 - 02:09
Rating: 8
Netzach
Planewalker
Written by Guest on 10.08.2020 at 00:45

Lol, that video! I give that video a 10/10. The girl in the video with the black hair is actually super hot, I likey.

This music is insanely interesting to me, and like I told you, it's crazy they are on Nuclear Blast. And even still being on this label, they don't seem to get the attention they deserve.

Rammstein on MDMA is pretty accurate too, and I definitely like this more than Rammstein. I think "extreme disco metal" does sound really exciting, no matter what

Great review man, looking forward to more of them!!!

Yeah, this is their first album on Nuclear Blast (they used to be on Spinefarm, then went independent for a long time because of contract disputes) and that video makes quite a statement No, these guys are a lot more fun to listen to than Rammstein, and it was mostly their debut album that was obviously close in style (highly recommended nonetheless). I have always liked how the electronic "disco" parts never come off as an afterthought.

We all need more extreme disco metal in our lives, this stuff almost makes me want to dance. Almost. Thanks for reading!
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