Band:	Mötley Crüe
Album:	Cancelled
Style:	Glam rock
Release date:	October 04, 2024
A review by:	omne metallum

01. Cancelled
02. Dogs Of War
03. Fight For Your Right [Beastie Boys cover]

Sometimes.... dead is better.  

Epiphaniess are something to be listened to: that moment of self awareness and realisation of one's experiences and place in life, such self-actualisation is something to be admired. So when Mötley Crüe finally heed the calls to once more fade into the history books by cancelling themselves, it should be applauded... wait, they just named their new EP that and are serious about continuing? Oh... oh no. 

In the words of LL Cool J, "don't call it a comeback" because a) they'd have to admit their ruse to sue each other should they reunite was a publicity stunt, and b) this isn't going to get them back to the low perch they had fallen to before they broke up, let alone any kind of peak they may have once occupied. How do you manage to damage your reputation in just three songs? Well, where there's a lack of will, there is a way. 

For a band that was once regarded as America's most dangerous, the songs on Cancelled play things remarkably safe, following a cautious and stale radio-ready formula that is about as threatening as a Coldplay album. Indeed, the only danger this band pose is getting cut off at Hooters. The trio of songs only demonstrate that when people assumed the band were going to age disgracefully, it wasn't due to their debauched lifestyle, but at how poorly their music has transitioned to the world of the 2020s. 

"Cancelled" is about as nuanced as your drunk uncle at a family reunion decrying things that kids of the day do, like TikToking. Indeed, it is an irony that Mötley Crüe are raging against cancel culture, given the fact they continue to exist despite having built a career (and even revelled in it with The Dirt) that by most standards is 'cancel' worthy. 

With what may go down as one of the worst career moves in metal, John 5's decision to leave Rob Zombie in order to take up the position of guitarist for this is... well, brave. It can at least be said that he is the one audibly trying to improve the songs at least, though it's like a crew member on the Titanic trying to bail water out using a colander. He's wailing away in the background of "Dogs Of War" trying to lift the song up as the rest bring it down (heck, maybe I have underestimated Mötley Crüe and the whole song is meta and aimed at John 5 - don't let the bastards bring you down, indeed). His talents are undeniable, it's just a shame they're wasted here. 

As for the Mötley part of the Crüe? Well they don't cover themselves in any glory; Vince Neil continues his journey to memedom with a performance on "Fight For Your Right" that sounds like he's about to fall off a bar stall rather than rally a revolution. He sounds as if someone has dragged him off of a sofa and away from his favourite daytime TV show so he can begrudgingly put in his shift behind the microphone. Mötley Crüe's butchering of the classic Beastie Boys anthem is the worst thing to happen to Adam Yauch this side of the millennium... and he died. About the only person who comes out of this with reputation intact is Mick Mars, knowing he got out before the band courageously went to new lows without him. 

For a band that used to be raunchy and reckless, they sound vanilla and harmless on Cancelled. Rather than relive their youth, Mötley Crüe are acting their age, which takes the form of a group of people more in danger of forgetting to take their cholesterol tablets than anything illicit. Pretend this band didn't put any releases after Mötley Crüe and save yourself the time.