[Instrumental]

It's that time of year for goin' shoppin'
It's that time of year for seein' grandma
It's that time of year for lying to children
That's right, Santa doesn't exist

It's that time of year for hatin' fruitcake
It's that time of year for drinkin' egg nog
It's that time of year for bakin' a mince pie
Betcha money by the end of the year you'll be fat

Toys a plenty and choo-choo trains
Summer sausage and candy canes
Wal-mart santa coin donations
Salvation Army dedications

Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers hit the malls, and drive the economy
Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers do your stuff, and make us all glad to be home!

It's that time of year for hanging stockings
It's that time of year for gingerbread men
It's that time of year for getting a fake tree
Decorate or you're not gonna eat

It's that time of year for watching re-runs
It's that time of year for roasting chestnuts
It's that time of year for opening presents
Don't forget, better clean up the mess that you made

Christmas music overplayed
Every minute of every day
Find a present for your mother
Then your dad and then your brother!

Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers hit the malls, and drive the economy
Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers gotta
Buy!
Consumers do your stuff, and make us all glad to be home!

It's that time of year for cheesy sweaters
It's that time of years for fuzzy earmuffs
It's that time of year for footed pajamas
You know the ones with the hole in the butt

It's that time of year for family drama
It's that time of year for lots of drug use
It's that time of year for having a breakdown
Holidays are the days that will make you hate life

Santa didn't keep his promise, so he's getting his cookies and milk no more

All I wanted to get for Christmas was a Boba Fett
Still in original packaging, but Santa has abandoned me

And I wanted me a new guitar
With EMGs and a whammy bar

I don't know why thats so much to ask
I was good this year, but now I'm beatin' some ass because

Santa's a bastard 'cuz he wouldn't give me what I wanted for Christmas
Santa's an asshole 'cuz he didn't give me what I wrote on my wishlist
Santa's all shady 'cuz he won't deliver on the things that he promised
Santa's so lazy making children suffer like a jolly old sadist

Lies!

All I wanted to get for Christmas was a private jet
With a stuardess named Angelina Jolie
But Santa has forsaken me

And I wanted just like every year
A new liver and a truck of beer

I've been so nice and real patient too
But Kris Kringle's got a lot of explaining to do because

Santa's a bastard 'cuz he wouldn't give me what I wanted for Christmas
Santa's an asshole 'cuz he didn't give me what I wrote on my wishlist
Santa's all shady 'cuz he won't deliver on the things that he promised
Santa's so lazy making children suffer like a jolly old sadist

Santa brought a lot of socks

[Robert:] Hey Alex, give me a beat that's metal.
Dude, that's a hardcore beat, not a metal beat.
[Alex:] Actually, this is a hardcore beat. Here's your metal beat.
[Robert:] Huh, well, I guess I stand corrected.

Joy to the world while you're decking all the halls
Ya better watch out or we'll kick you in the balls
Here we come a-wassailing Feliz Navidad
Grandma got run over by a reindeer fa-la-la

Crush your balls with a sleigh
Jingle bells in your face

Jingle bell jingle bell jingle bell metal
Fucking shit up with a double bass pedal
Ring-a-ling hear them ring, jolly and brutal
Escape from this very merry medley is futile

Dashing through the snow in a wintry wonderland
The little drummer boy never really had a band
Come all ye faithful in a manger heard on high
Do you hear what i hear, silver bells, rum-pum-pum

Jingle bell jingle bell jingle bell metal
Fucking shit up with a double bass pedal
Ring-a-ling hear them ring, jolly and brutal
Escape from this very merry medley is futile

Silent Night. All is calm?

My red nose the cause of all laughter
Around here I am just a goddamn chaffeur
Fucking Santa he's laughing he won't do a thing
Choke on blood when you sing

My name is Rudolph, I am the saddest reindeer alive
But I'm gonna take control. I'm taking over the North Pole
I might be smaller, but I'm the meanest reindeer alive
Until I exact revenge, I'm never saving Christmas again.
Red Snow.

My red nose will light up the red snow
Smell the air there's a trace of blood in my blow
There's another victim waiting for me
Hiding in the debris

My name is Rudolph, I am the saddest reindeer alive
But I'm gonna take control. I'm taking over the North Pole
I might be smaller, but I'm the meanest reindeer alive
Until I exact revenge, I'm never saving Christmas again.
Red Snow.

No hope.

The misfits from the island are trained to kill on command
The smell of blood excites them
Recall how they were condemned.
These toys all shapes and sizes, devised clever disguises
They'll infiltrate at midnight, prepare yourselves for a fucking fight

Dasher Dancer Prancer and Vixen
Comet Cupid Donner and Blitzen
Feel my knife on your throat and I'll grin
Put a happy face under your chin

Rudolph's gonna make you suffer

Red Snow

You know that I know that we both know how resolutions and
You know that you are gonna give up yet you still pretend
You can't deny the fact that your convictions bend and break
All you'll abandon every promise that you ever make

You're not gonna see it through
We know what you're gonna do
(You're gonna fail) You're not gonna see it through
(You're gonna fail) We know what I say is true

Happy New Year's Day
2002 and 3 were just like 4 and 5 and 6
Happy New Year's day
You just remind yourself of all the stuff you'll never fix

You know that I know as well as you do it's not gonna last
Did you forget results of resolutions from the past?
File your intentions out of sight and out of mind
You'll never follow through with promises of any kind

You're not gonna see it through
We know what you're gonna do
(You're gonna fail) You're not gonna see it through
(You're gonna fail) We know what I say is true

Happy New Year's Day
2002 and 3 were just like 4 and 5 and 6
Happy New Year's day
You just remind yourself of all the stuff you'll never fix

Happy Fucking New Year