More than a hundred percent.
Have you all stopped to think where you fit in this equation?
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings, where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
Here is a little mathematical formula, that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%.
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%.
But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%.
And, B-U-L-L-S-H-*-T = 21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%.
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you: A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G = 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = a whopping 118%

So one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard work, and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. Bullsh*t and Ass Kissing will put you over the top!

Your hair smells nice

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.
The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why.
The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "He's a midget."

Written by Ellrohir on 17.09.2009 at 19:11

Never heard this about hungarian women

lol maybe because you don't have a national feud with them hahaha

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

One, if you swing it properly.


What's the difference between a truck full of sand and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't unload the sand using pitchforks.


A rapist, a zoophiliac, a sadist, a necrophilliac, a pyroman, and a masochist are sitting in a park and chatting.

Rapist: "Let's rape someone."
Zoophilliac: "We could rape a cat."
Sadist: "No, let's torture a cat and than rape it."
Necrophilliac: "Or, we can torture a cat, kill it and than rape it."
Pyroman: "Ok let's torture a cat, kill it, than rape it and than burn it to ashes."
Masochist: "Meow."

Written by Zmaj Ognjeni Vuk on 19.09.2009 at 00:57

Rapist: "Let's rape someone."
Zoophilliac: "We could rape a cat."
Sadist: "No, let's torture a cat and than rape it."
Necrophilliac: "Or, we can torture a cat, kill it and than rape it."
Pyroman: "Ok let's torture a cat, kill it, than rape it and than burn it to ashes."
Masochist: "Meow."

i knew a longer version where everyone says shit like:
zoophile: if i had a cat, i'd fucking rape it.
sadist: if i had a cat, i'd torture it.

etc.

I've got another one. Beware, it's pretty gross.

Two gay guys are talking on the phone.
#1: "Man can you please come over? I need urgent help, can't explain now!"
#2: "Ok, I'll be right there!"
#2 comes to his friend's place, only to find him sitting on the bed - doggy style and naked.
#2: "Wtf, if you wanted sex, you could have just said so."
#1: "No, no! I have something stuck up in my ass and I need you to take it out."
#2: "Okaaayyy..."
Then he goes on and puts one of those surgical gloves on his hand and sticks a finger up his friend's ass.
#2: "Hmmm, can't feel a thing."
#1: "It's there you just need to go deeper."
So he puts his whole fist in his friend's ass, but, again, finds nothing.
#1: "Go deeper. It's there!"
So #2 now raps his hand in the sheets not to get dirty and sticks his hand up the elbow. He finally feels something underneath his fingers and pulls it out. It's black bag with something hard in it. He proceeds to clean the little pieces of shit from the bag and unwraps it only to find a golden Rolex.
#2: "Why do you have a golden Rolex up your ass???"
#1: "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

Written by Valentin B on 19.09.2009 at 01:16

Written by Zmaj Ognjeni Vuk on 19.09.2009 at 00:57

Rapist: "Let's rape someone."
Zoophilliac: "We could rape a cat."
Sadist: "No, let's torture a cat and than rape it."
Necrophilliac: "Or, we can torture a cat, kill it and than rape it."
Pyroman: "Ok let's torture a cat, kill it, than rape it and than burn it to ashes."
Masochist: "Meow."

i knew a longer version where everyone says shit like:
zoophile: if i had a cat, i'd fucking rape it.
sadist: if i had a cat, i'd torture it.

etc.

I knew it like that, but instead of a masochist, it was a homosexual

Written by Zmaj Ognjeni Vuk on 19.09.2009 at 01:31

#1: "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

...O man, that's brutal

indeed it was gross

I came up with this one myself and I'm actually quite proud of it.

Q: Why isn't it a good idea to have sex with a pessimist?
A: Because the vagina is always half empty!

I don't think I've participated in this thread yet, and hopefully no one's heard this one before but it's my favourite joke... my wife told me this one!

How do you make a five year old girl cry twice?


You wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear!!


Another good one, courtesy of my wife.

What's red and gooey and crawls up a womans leg?

A fetus with home sickness!!

Written by Bitter Dawn on 28.09.2009 at 12:01

How do you make a five year old girl cry twice?


You wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear!!

O my... that was some funny sick shit!
Congrats for having a wife like that

A: Hello, are you there?
B: Yes, who are you, please?
A: I'm Watt.
B: What's your name?
A: Watt's my name.
B: Yes, what's your name?
A: My name is John Watt.
B: John what?
A: Yes, are you Jones?
B: No, I'm Knott.
A: Will you tell me your name then?
B: Will, Knott.
A: Why not?
B: My name is Knott.
A: Not what?
B: Not Watt, Knott.
A: What?

I got a headache with that one

Written by Ellrohir on 17.09.2009 at 19:11

Never heard this about hungarian women

haha, a girl told me this joke once:

Ildiko(common hungarian female name) in Romanian class.

Teacher: "Ildiko, my dear, would you tell me the comparison forms for the adjective <deep>?"

Ildiko: "sure. deep, deeper.... ooh yeah."

Written by Ellrohir on 18.09.2009 at 12:12

American and Czech:
- "In the USA we have: Barack Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope, Johny Cash..."
- "In the Czech Republic we have Jiri Paroubek - no wonder, no hope, no cash!"

i laughed at that one.

God to Adam:
"Adam, i know you've been feeling lonely so i thought about making a companion for you. she'd be very good at sex, she'd cook the greatest meals ever, she has a perfect body and she'll always clean after you."

"That's awesome, God!! thanks a lot!"

"There is one drawback though.."

"What?"

"I'm gonna need your liver, both of your legs and one testicle."

"That's too much... what can i get for a rib?"

Written by Valentin B on 29.10.2009 at 21:44

"I'm gonna need your liver, both of your legs and one testicle."

"That's too much... what can i get for a rib?"

Awww man!!!! What a selfish bastard! He could have help us all!

Written by Valentin B on 29.10.2009 at 21:44

God to Adam:
"Adam, i know you've been feeling lonely so i thought about making a companion for you. she'd be very good at sex, she'd cook the greatest meals ever, she has a perfect body and she'll always clean after you."

"That's awesome, God!! thanks a lot!"

"There is one drawback though.."

"What?"

"I'm gonna need your liver, both of your legs and one testicle."

"That's too much... what can i get for a rib?"

Hahaha!! Wow, man, really sexist but great joke (No hard feelings, ladies )

Nun's driving. Suddenly the car runs out of gas and stops. Luckily, the nearest gas-station is about one kilometre from the place so the nun only needs a vessel to transport the gas with. The only vessel she has, though, is a chamber pot. But well...she walks to the station and returns with the chamber pot filled with gas. When she starts emptying the pot into the car, a man drives by, sees her and stops, saying...."If only God gave me as much faith as to you, holy sister!"

The husband : Darling tell me somthing that would make me happy and sad in the same time
The wife : your @#$% is longer than any of your friends

Joke with pics

Yeah...there would be more peace on the earth if everyone just smoked pot and it was legalized everywhere instead of it being shat on...

Written by tulkas on 06.11.2009 at 07:44

Joke with pics

Haha, I love the moral of the story.

Ahaha I didn't see that coming at all

The ending was perfect, I really laughed with the Koala saying "shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit dude".
And yeah, quite a good message

Written by Nexus on 30.07.2009 at 19:48

Haha, just had this one told to me and thought it was pretty humorous ...

Some years ago I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb can of coffee
& 1 lb package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'


I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely right! I am single, but how on earth did you know that?'


The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

Haha that was brilliant

Two madmen are eating bananas.
One asks: "Shouldn't you peel them?"
"Why, I already know what's inside."

Written by Ernis on 10.11.2009 at 22:46

Two madmen are eating bananas.
One asks: "Shouldn't you peel them?"
"Why, I already know what's inside."

Haha, that one can be complemented with your signature

Written by tulkas on 11.11.2009 at 04:07

Written by Ernis on 10.11.2009 at 22:46

Two madmen are eating bananas.
One asks: "Shouldn't you peel them?"
"Why, I already know what's inside."

Haha, that one can be complemented with your signature

- "Shouldn't you peel them?"
- "Why, I already know what's inside. BTW, Anything else you should be telling me?"
- "You're an idiot."