Band:	Krypteria
Album:	All Beauty Must Die
Style:	Symphonic gothic metal
Release date:	April 22, 2011
Guest review by:	Slayer666

01. Messiah
02. As I Slowly Bleed
03. Fly Away With Me
04. You Killed Me
05. Live To Fight Another Day
06. Eyes Of A Stranger
07. Thanks For Nothing
08. Turn The World Around
09. Higher
10. Victoria
11. (How Can Something So Good) Hurt So Bad
12. The Eye Collector
13. Get The Hell Out Of My Way [2011 version] [digipak - download bonus]
14. Liberatio [2011 version] [digipak - download bonus]
15. Come Hell Or High Water [digipak - download bonus]

I remember the good old times when the term "gothic metal" actually meant just that: metal mixed with the negative, pessimistic and broody atmosphere of gothic rock. Well, I don't actually remember it, per se, as the term was already heavily tarnished by the time I got into metal, but goddamnit why do people stick that label to almost every female-fronted band nowadays? I guess Krypteria are slightly more deserving of the title than some semi-symphonic bands with female lead singers that get dubbed "gothic", but All Beauty Must Die is still very much that poppy type of pseudo-gothic metal, although a fine example of it.

If you've heard at least 3 poppy metal bands (a la newer Tristania, Sirenia and similar "-ia"s), this album with provide you with absolutely nothing new. The main focus is on catchy, chunky riffs that lead into poppy choruses with sweet, innocent-sounding female vocals. Some symphonic elements are used here and there, mostly to enhance the catchy factor of choruses and the same could be said about frequently used choirs. As much as this type of metal is unpleasant to my ears, I won't deny that Krypteria sure know how to pull off some good symphonic-vocal arrangements. Other than the "The Eye Collector", the album runs a verse-chorus-verse structure throughout its entire length, occasionally slapping on a solo which sounds awkwardly out of place. Tracks 1-10 all follow the exact same song writing pattern, but are distinguishing enough not to feel like a same track repeated ten times. Just barely, though.

Of course, this feel good version of "gothic" metal can't be done without extremely cheesy ballads, now can it? Quite fortunately for my mental health, there is only one such ballad "(How Can Something So Good) Hurt So Bad" (good lord, I hope we're not thinking of the same thing...) and as predicted, it overflows with cheese. Cry-me-a-river for my poor, broken lonely heart lyrics hardly help. And oh boy, we come to my favorite part of the album: "The Eye Collector". This 11 minute long yawn fest is an attempt by a very shallow band to create a seriously DERP deep, dark and epic poem that fails more miserably than a 14-year-old writing a pathetic song for his crush and reading it in front of the entire class. Yeah, it might have been from the heart, but that doesn't stop all the other kids from laughing at his stupid ass. In this case, Krypteria is the kid, and the listeners are the class.

Once again, I'd love to slap the piss out of anyone who calls this "gothic metal", because this is what Avril Lavigne would sound with minor symphonies and more distorted guitars. For fans of similar music, I imagine this is a completely satisfying, if not excellent album. But if bands like Tristania or Sirenia give you menstrual cramps, like they do to me, avoid like hell.