Written by:	BitterCOld
Published:	May 09, 2009

So you want to write a guest review for MetalStorm?

As one of the staff responsible to proof reviews before they get published, I thought I'd post up some thoughts that would speed up the process so your piece doesn't spend an eternity in the queue awaiting our attention or bouncing around back and forth in a never ending game of editing ping pong.

For starters, before writing your review, please look over the FAQ. Know and understand the FAQ. Live the FAQ. Be the FAQ. If you submit a review without following these guidelines, well, FAQ you.

Additionally, if you are going to take the time to write something up, take the time to do it right.

Spell check it. Re-read it several times before hitting the submit button to make sure the grammar works. Don't use the same word four times in two sentences - use a Thesaurus. If English is not your native language and you are not particularly good at writing in it, use "KISS" sentences, "Keep It Simple, Stupid." In other words, use basic sentence structures. Make sure the format is good as well. We're not going to dictate a specific 1-3-1 paragraph essay format or anything - write it how you want to express yourself - but for the love of Pete (and the staff proofing your review), avoid the dreaded sentagraph, space your paragraphs out, etc.

Be realistic in your ratings. I realize most people are probably reviewing one of their favorite albums, but not every album is a 9.8. Don't be one of "those guys" that submits half a dozen reviews with every single one of them ranked 9 or higher?

Understand that you are not the only MS member who is submitting reviews. Taking the time to do it the right way will help ensure that it gets published the first time up. It will save both your time and that of the staff who proof your review.

If you submit a trainwreck of a review with twisted grammar and spelling casualties strewn all over the site of the accident, don't be surprised or upset if it gets rejected with a terse explanation to the effect of "l2grammar, noob."

From my perspective, if you make a mistake here or there, I'll fix it up, no problem, but I won't be spending 30 minutes performing GPR (the grammar equivalent of CPR) on your piece.

I recently allowed a piece with severe grammatical issues to be published - and MS posters mauled the thing. It's your name attached to it, take pride in your work, or brace yourself for some criticism.

There are folks on this site who I know do high quality work, and I'll flat out admit it than when I look at the queue and see something they've submitted, I'll review it immediately - even if it means leapfrogging 30 other reviews that were submitted days (or even weeks) earlier. Why? I know that proofing their review will be easy and take two minutes of my time before it gets approved and published. I really don't care if it's "fair" - it's their reward for the quality of their work.

Conversely, there are others whose works I avoid like a SARS infected lion with a frikking laser beam on it's brow run amok through my suburban neighborhood. Why? I know that opening the review to proof it will be about as pleasurable as having my innards removed by a disease-ridden, energy beam toting wild animal.

So take your time, do it right, or expect the reject... or perhaps a 400 pound carnivorous feline with high tech weaponry and highly infectious and communicable diseases knocking on your front door.

***added a couple months after initial publishing***

If you are a first time review writer, do NOT waste your time and ours submitting four or five reviews. Write one. Submit one. If it passes muster, great, continue on. If you have massive issues, it's saved you from having to completely overhaul multiple reviews (and us from having to proof and reject them) - once you get the format and are comfortable with the process, then write all you want.

*** another edit! ***

if an album in question already has multiple reviews, do not bother writing a review unless you have particularly new and amazing insight the others are lacking or your review takes a position that is contrary to the others. if three people have already scored an album a 9+, we don't need a fourth. (we didn't even need a third, to be honest)... but if you can state a good case as to why it's only a 7, we might be interested.