MetalStorm.ee - Switches To MetalStorm.net
NOTE: This was posted on April Fools day 2010. Although the contents of this news are not entirely true, the .net part entirely is! A real explanation to what has happened can be found here:
http://www.metalstorm.net/events/news_comments.php?news_id=10756
--
Yup, it finally happened. The underground MetalStorm.ee switched to mainstream as fuck MetalStorm.net.
If you think "holy moly, this means the dawn of a new era," well, congratulations, you discovered the pizza truck with a giant satellite dish right in front of your window. It's been camping there for years, but whatever.
The truth is we started selling out years ago - when we turned the zine into a serious corporate business. That's right, it's all political nowadays. We've been accepting money - good money actually - to make bands like Atreyu, Slipknot, Avenged Sevenfold, Bullet For My Valentine and the likes, visible bands on MS for years now.
After the whole Executive management (what you know as the Staff) and the shareholders (aka the Elite team) got a company car as a New Year's bonus (a pitch-black BMW Z4 E85 - aw yeah, we're those kind of guys), we think it's time to show our true colors - or better yet, untrue colors - and switch to MetalStorm.net.
Not joking around this time.
Of course, somewhere deep in your rotten heart, you all wanted this too. Just look at those Band Suggestions you guys are making. The thing is filled with metalcore/deathcore/crapcore bands, scene shit and even Linkin Park. Good going!
So thanks a bunch for those suggestions! We'll think of you next time we pay a speeding ticket (those BWM's are not made to ride by the speeding rules, or what did you think?) with the money we got from In This Moment, The Devil Wears Prada, Bring Me The Horizon and Oceano to make them a visible band, appearing in the news, reviews and interviews all the time... No, that was an April's Fool's joke... we won't be thinking of you.
We announce this news on April 1st because it perfectly fits our long-term strategy in deceiving you. Hell, in the past years we - intentionally - fed you crap like Disco Storm, Blakk Metul Storm, Flower Storm and whatnot, just to make sure you wouldn't believe this conspiracy theory. That's right, we want you to reject belief in this conspiracy. Because this time, it's all true, MetalStorm.net IS happening.
Around MS Corporation, we tell you what to believe and what not - we always have.
No, seriously, we're not messing around, MetalStorm.net is a fact.
Sincerely yours,
Thryce - Senior vice president of development and public affairs
in coordination with Ivan - Chief Executive Officer
PS: Nope, we're still not adding Dethklok. What are those cartoon characters gonna pay with? Monopoly money?
http://www.metalstorm.net/events/news_comments.php?news_id=10756
--
Yup, it finally happened. The underground MetalStorm.ee switched to mainstream as fuck MetalStorm.net.
If you think "holy moly, this means the dawn of a new era," well, congratulations, you discovered the pizza truck with a giant satellite dish right in front of your window. It's been camping there for years, but whatever.
The truth is we started selling out years ago - when we turned the zine into a serious corporate business. That's right, it's all political nowadays. We've been accepting money - good money actually - to make bands like Atreyu, Slipknot, Avenged Sevenfold, Bullet For My Valentine and the likes, visible bands on MS for years now.
After the whole Executive management (what you know as the Staff) and the shareholders (aka the Elite team) got a company car as a New Year's bonus (a pitch-black BMW Z4 E85 - aw yeah, we're those kind of guys), we think it's time to show our true colors - or better yet, untrue colors - and switch to MetalStorm.net.
Not joking around this time.
Of course, somewhere deep in your rotten heart, you all wanted this too. Just look at those Band Suggestions you guys are making. The thing is filled with metalcore/deathcore/crapcore bands, scene shit and even Linkin Park. Good going!
So thanks a bunch for those suggestions! We'll think of you next time we pay a speeding ticket (those BWM's are not made to ride by the speeding rules, or what did you think?) with the money we got from In This Moment, The Devil Wears Prada, Bring Me The Horizon and Oceano to make them a visible band, appearing in the news, reviews and interviews all the time... No, that was an April's Fool's joke... we won't be thinking of you.
We announce this news on April 1st because it perfectly fits our long-term strategy in deceiving you. Hell, in the past years we - intentionally - fed you crap like Disco Storm, Blakk Metul Storm, Flower Storm and whatnot, just to make sure you wouldn't believe this conspiracy theory. That's right, we want you to reject belief in this conspiracy. Because this time, it's all true, MetalStorm.net IS happening.
Around MS Corporation, we tell you what to believe and what not - we always have.
No, seriously, we're not messing around, MetalStorm.net is a fact.
Sincerely yours,
Thryce - Senior vice president of development and public affairs
in coordination with Ivan - Chief Executive Officer
PS: Nope, we're still not adding Dethklok. What are those cartoon characters gonna pay with? Monopoly money?
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| Darkside Momo Retired Elite Posts: 9089  |
Written by Bas on 01.04.2010 at 16:23 Good luck finding that money 
---- My Author's Blog (in French)  "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you" "I've lost too many years now I'm stealing back my soul I am awake"
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| Bad English Tage Westerlund Posts: 62025  |
Written by Bas on 01.04.2010 at 16:23 I thought you gonna buy poll in your house .... huh girls girls girls ...now i know about what Ivor talk when MS staff ofer sex to female members
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die"  I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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| Bas Retired Staff Elite Posts: 5591  |
Written by Darkside Momo on 01.04.2010 at 16:33 We already have it, it's the money Marcel would've gotten before he chickened out  Written by Bad English on 01.04.2010 at 16:37 Yeah but I'm building that pool from my own money, those plans are about Marcel's money. Bas Senior Business Development Manager
---- BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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| Darkside Momo Retired Elite Posts: 9089 |
Written by Bas on 01.04.2010 at 16:42 You might want to check again, loser. We already used that money for some radical stuff
---- My Author's Blog (in French) "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you" "I've lost too many years now I'm stealing back my soul I am awake"
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| Bad English Tage Westerlund Posts: 62025 |
Written by Bas on 01.04.2010 at 16:42 Marcels money is good for donation to this
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die" I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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| Raiden Down Under Staff Elite Posts: 8292  |
Ahh just 22 and I already have enough to retire on. Life is good 
---- "Scream for me Melbourne!!!!" - Bruce Dickinson "I don't see any god up here" - Yuri Gagarin (while in orbit, 1961)
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| Shadowcross The Summoner Posts: 481  |
Lol this is classic... I love the Halo dude owning the globe - LMAO
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| Ivor Staff Posts: 5495  |
Written by Thryce on 01.04.2010 at 15:57 How pitiful. You think it's all about money, Mr. T aka B.A.*. No it isn't... Well, to some extent it is. I haven't been paid for two months now. However, it is mostly about the backstabbing attitude some of you have developed. We've been a supporting pillars of this site, some of us longer than others but that doesn't matter. Don't think you'll get away with all the stunts you've pulled so far. I just want paid what you owe me. After that we'll see what happens. I think it's going to be a long, a very long fight. Right now the time is running out. I. * Mr. Thryce aka Big Asshole
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| Warman Erotic Stains Posts: 7695  |
We who have some community points, do we get something out of the share?
---- 
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| Paradox0 Unasuming Madnes Posts: 592 |
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| BitterCOld The Ancient One Admin Posts: 15288  |
Wtf fuck you ivor you bitch. i'm so fuckibng drunk. got a limo and roadtripped to vegas. know that room in caesar's palace from "teh Hangovr"? i got that sweet. partied like fucking rockstars. room is just asbig a mess, but no tiger aahaha. still havernt't been to bded. ivor, i gave some of my chunk of what had been yer share to a homeless dude so he could get himself a handle of vodka anda 3 girl orgy at Buynny Ranch... hahaha fuck you! fujvck it', i'm headed back to the bar.
---- get the fuck off my lawn. Beer Bug Virus Spotify Playlist crafted by Nikarg and I. Feel free to tune in and add some pertinent metal tunes!
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| Ivor Staff Posts: 5495 |
So, not so tough, Mr. T, eh? Welcome to the real world, sucker. It's not like your world of bluffing poker. Here we do what we promise. Now that the debt is paid you can keep your precious site running. I'll see you in court with Jups. I.
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| jrk Account deleted |
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| Bas Retired Staff Elite Posts: 5591 |
Written by Warman on 01.04.2010 at 18:41 That'd make my share smaller, so definitely no. Bas Senior Business Development Manager
---- BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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| Lucas Mr. Noise Elite Posts: 13427  |
What mess do i find here... which side should i choose, who has the money here?
---- SLUDGE. DOOM. DEATH. Wait, what?  "The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." - Barack Obama
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| BitterCOld The Ancient One Admin Posts: 15288 |
Written by Lucas on 01.04.2010 at 19:54 if you want to keep your integrity but eat bread and water for the rest of your days, talk with Jupe. if you want to snort coke off a hooker's ass before she gives you a hummer in yer new BMW M3, shoot Thryce a pm.
---- get the fuck off my lawn. Beer Bug Virus Spotify Playlist crafted by Nikarg and I. Feel free to tune in and add some pertinent metal tunes!
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| Lucas Mr. Noise Elite Posts: 13427 |
Quote: oh yeah baby, im all game.
---- SLUDGE. DOOM. DEATH. Wait, what? "The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." - Barack Obama
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| Thryce Retired Staff Elite Posts: 4346  |
Welcome to the dark side. Thryce Senior vice president of development and public affairs
---- Your favorite band sucks.
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| oroboros Posts: 134  |
Aaargh...i wanna snort coke off a hooker's ass...jus tell me wat do u want me to do?/
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Elite Posts: 40071  |
Written by Irritable Ted on 01.04.2010 at 20:35 Although I am popping in to see how people took my announcement, I have left the side for good. Check on that in the Metal Stormers forum. I explain the reason behind my leaving the site there ion a separate thread.
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996 
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| wildchild Warchild Posts: 4650  |
I have to be here. This is so traditional. =´ Remember the disco era? aehuaheuhae
---- warchildpost.blogspot.com
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| Bas Retired Staff Elite Posts: 5591 |
Written by oroboros on 01.04.2010 at 20:25 Buy coke, pay a hooker to let you do it. If you want to copy our awesomeness, do it with your own money. Although we might consider paying for some "nice experiences" for you if you neutralize Jerry, Momo and Doc for us. Bas Senior Business Development Manager
---- BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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| Daggon Underpaid M.D. Posts: 1689  |
Written by Bas on 01.04.2010 at 22:05 I can do that, just gimme my money and the work will be done by tomorrow... I'm the leader of a rebel team full of this guys 
---- "Les vers savent qu'ils n'ont pas d'ailes, c'est pour cela qu'ils se cachent sous terre"
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| Bas Retired Staff Elite Posts: 5591 |
Written by Daggon on 01.04.2010 at 23:19 That's not the way it works. First the work, then the wage, that's how it goes. But if you're up to it I'm offering 5'000$ a head. Bas Senior Business Development Manager
---- BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 9158  |
How much do the staff get paid?? or do they even??? and i am kinda pissed off that they sold out but eh i would to so...
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| Darkside Momo Retired Elite Posts: 9089 |
Written by Bas on 01.04.2010 at 23:37 Oroboros, Daggon, don't be fooled. Bas has already been dealt with, so this offer is all vacuum. You won't get any money for that. Besides, your Jew-jitsu guys won't do me anything. I've got cats. 
---- My Author's Blog (in French) "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you" "I've lost too many years now I'm stealing back my soul I am awake"
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 9158 |
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| oroboros Posts: 134 |
With jew-jitsu and cats...i hv no fuckin idea wat shud opt for...i do like the sound of 5000 bucks tho..
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| K✞ulu Seeker of Truth Posts: 2573  |
What difference does it make if metalstorm is .ee or .eu or .net?
---- Savor what you feel and what you see Things that may not seem important now But may be tomorrow R.I.P. Chuck Schuldiner Satan was a Backstreet Boy
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