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About the MetalStorm Awards


Written by: BitterCOld
Published: 13.01.2010


More brutal, more kvlt, more tr00, and every bit as predictable as the Oscars, each year Metalstorm hosts it's own awards, where we ask you to step up and vote for your favorite albums of the year.

So here are some thoughts, observations and answers for you in regards to everyone's favorite time of the metal year.

To preemptively answer the question that seemingly gets asked 16 times a day starting in mid-October?

"When are the awards?"

They kick off the same time they do every year. Like clockwork. February 1st.

Why February you ask?

Well, dear reader, it is because they are a truly colossal undertaking which, unless you have played a part in the process, cannot hope to fully wrap your head around.

Simply put there are an awful lot of albums released in any given revolution around Sol. We must sift through these and weigh in on what we liked, what we thought was mediocre, and what we'd rather puncture our own eardrums with a rusty ice pick than listen to again? stuff them all into nice little genre packages (not easy when many bands blur lines, invariably you bastards always bitch about why Band A should be Donkeyrape Metal rather than Donkeysodomy Metal or whatnot), and then with all of our distinct tastes, we bribe, fondle, threaten, entice, belittle, badger, and immolate one another until we finally "weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved" awards and come up with a Top 10 for each genre. Or less, in some cases.

Even then, things are not clean, ties (and maybe bones) must be broken.

Finally, once that is complete, we hit the stage in the game where the real work begins. Last year saw 19 different genres represented. Nineteen. The vast majority of which have ten nominations? which, according to my mad math skills, means that there are somewhere around 190,000 write-ups that must be done.

And 190,000 bands which, via hook or crook, must be notified so that they can display their nomination on their web/myspace/facebook/twitter/(whatever the fuck is trendy this week) pages to encourage their fans to show up and vote in support.

Also at this stage, 190,000 separate entries, not to mention the drama, cover songs, video, stuff which falls outside genre specific polls, must then all be dumped into proper web formatting, all album covers inserted, all 4,200,000 links (190,000 home page + 190,000 myspace = 4.2 million) checked for accuracy, etc.

That is a lot of work.

Keep in mind your MS Staff and Eliters lead busy lives - both in their "human" guise, doing such mundane things as going to work, visiting family for the holidays, taking exams, and puking on public transport, as well as in their MetalStorm alter egos, like fighting crime, helping crime, slaying dragons, bedding chicks, bedding dragons, slaying chicks, bedding then slaying hipsterposers, leaving the hall for Manowar shows, conducting interviews, writing reviews, answering emails from MSers who spam each and every staff member as to why we haven't proofed their review within 23 minutes of them hitting the submit button, and our weekly Ice Cream Social in the sacred halls of MetalStorm Towers.

It truly is a labor of love on our part. Heavy on labor, heavy on love.

So hopefully that has helped it sink in a tad what a Herculean undertaking this is each and every year.

The awards will effectively kick off in a couple weeks. Enjoy them. And, please, take advantage of the 190,000 myspace links we plug in. Check out the nominees. You have a fucking month. No need to hurry, awards are not won or lost on day one. Take your time and enjoy the ride.

And for the love of Zarquon, don't be the douchenozzle that blows your wad three minutes after the polls open clicking on your favorite bands then whining when, inevitably, the most popular artists win 90% of the categories? after all, their fans did the same thing you did.






Written on 13.01.2010 by BitterCOld has been officially reviewing albums for MetalStorm since 2009.


Comments page 2 / 3

Comments: 90   [ 3 ignored ]   Visited by: 818 users
15.01.2010 - 22:37
bloodwrage
Pagan Angel
I do a lot of the stuff he talks about.
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16.01.2010 - 11:37
albatros

Excellent article, BitterCOld

You made me laugh
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16.01.2010 - 12:57
Doc G.
Full Grown Hoser
Written by DoomGuard on 14.01.2010 at 19:17

Mastodon Mastodon Mastodon Mastodon!

That's all I gotta say swept me up this past year

And I assume you'll blow your load and vote for them without first listening to other bands nominated in whatever category they get nominated in...
----
"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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16.01.2010 - 13:04
Elio
Red Nightmare
oh man, I love MS' articles.
----
IntoPlighT said: "Slipknot is 15 years old how the fuck is that Nu metal?"

BEST. QUOTE. EVER.
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16.01.2010 - 22:58
DoomGuard

Written by Doc G. on 16.01.2010 at 12:57

Written by DoomGuard on 14.01.2010 at 19:17

Mastodon Mastodon Mastodon Mastodon!

That's all I gotta say swept me up this past year

And I assume you'll blow your load and vote for them without first listening to other bands nominated in whatever category they get nominated in...

yessir, I don't listen to any other stoner metal other than them. Mastodon is the only band of the Noisecore/Stoner metal style that I actually enjoy, everything else is rubbish to be quite frank sir. imo of course
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16.01.2010 - 23:09
Doc G.
Full Grown Hoser
Written by DoomGuard on 16.01.2010 at 22:58

Written by Doc G. on 16.01.2010 at 12:57

Written by DoomGuard on 14.01.2010 at 19:17

Mastodon Mastodon Mastodon Mastodon!

That's all I gotta say swept me up this past year

And I assume you'll blow your load and vote for them without first listening to other bands nominated in whatever category they get nominated in...

yessir, I don't listen to any other stoner metal other than them. Mastodon is the only band of the Noisecore/Stoner metal style that I actually enjoy, everything else is rubbish to be quite frank sir. imo of course

In that case, do us all a favour - don't bother voting at all, in any category.
----
"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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16.01.2010 - 23:11
DoomGuard

Written by Doc G. on 16.01.2010 at 23:09

Written by DoomGuard on 16.01.2010 at 22:58

Written by Doc G. on 16.01.2010 at 12:57

Written by DoomGuard on 14.01.2010 at 19:17

Mastodon Mastodon Mastodon Mastodon!

That's all I gotta say swept me up this past year

And I assume you'll blow your load and vote for them without first listening to other bands nominated in whatever category they get nominated in...

yessir, I don't listen to any other stoner metal other than them. Mastodon is the only band of the Noisecore/Stoner metal style that I actually enjoy, everything else is rubbish to be quite frank sir. imo of course

In that case, do us all a favour - don't bother voting at all, in any category.

I'll vote in all the categories in which have bands i enjoy, just to spite you sir
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16.01.2010 - 23:18
Doc G.
Full Grown Hoser
Written by DoomGuard on 16.01.2010 at 23:11

I'll vote in all the categories in which have bands i enjoy, just to spite you sir

I'm sure you will.

I just hope there are enough users out there who appreciate the work put into the awards and check out all the bands, at least in some capacity, before just rushing through. I'm hoping there will be enough to counter-balance all the infantile morons out there.
----
"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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16.01.2010 - 23:24
DoomGuard

Written by Doc G. on 16.01.2010 at 23:18

Written by DoomGuard on 16.01.2010 at 23:11

I'll vote in all the categories in which have bands i enjoy, just to spite you sir

I'm sure you will.

I just hope there are enough users out there who appreciate the work put into the awards and check out all the bands, at least in some capacity, before just rushing through. I'm hoping there will be enough to counter-balance all the infantile morons out there.

yea well some other people like only having a few bands they listen to, stick to those, and enjoy those. Everyone doesn't always need to be finding new bands and constantly adding 100+ bands to their library. Not interested in that sir.

But what I can tell you is that Crack The Skye is a fantastic album and they put alot of effort into it and a great album all around. Best album of 2009 hands down in my mind sir.
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16.01.2010 - 23:29
Doc G.
Full Grown Hoser
Written by DoomGuard on 16.01.2010 at 23:24

yea well some other people like only having a few bands they listen to, stick to those, and enjoy those. Everyone doesn't always need to be finding new bands and constantly adding 100+ bands to their library. Not interested in that sir.

But what I can tell you is that Crack The Skye is a fantastic album and they put alot of effort into it and a great album all around. Best album of 2009 hands down in my mind sir.

Where did I ask you to expand your library? What I meant was, consider the fact that there could be - oh my God! - A better album out there?! Perhaps checking out the other nominees will lead you to some great discovery? I know it did with me and Keep Of Kalessin's "Armada".

So if you refuse to even take into consideration other nominees, what the fuck is the point of voting? Seriously.
----
"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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17.01.2010 - 07:40
DoomGuard

Written by Doc G. on 16.01.2010 at 23:29

Written by DoomGuard on 16.01.2010 at 23:24

yea well some other people like only having a few bands they listen to, stick to those, and enjoy those. Everyone doesn't always need to be finding new bands and constantly adding 100+ bands to their library. Not interested in that sir.

But what I can tell you is that Crack The Skye is a fantastic album and they put alot of effort into it and a great album all around. Best album of 2009 hands down in my mind sir.

Where did I ask you to expand your library? What I meant was, consider the fact that there could be - oh my God! - A better album out there?! Perhaps checking out the other nominees will lead you to some great discovery? I know it did with me and Keep Of Kalessin's "Armada".

So if you refuse to even take into consideration other nominees, what the fuck is the point of voting? Seriously.

perhaps i will
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17.01.2010 - 08:24
Maxx666
Meshuggahian
Oh man can't wait for it.Still one more month to go, damn.
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17.01.2010 - 11:44
Doc G.
Full Grown Hoser
Written by Maxx666 on 17.01.2010 at 08:24

Oh man can't wait for it.Still one more month to go, damn.

More like 2 weeks!....Oh shit, 2 weeks! There's still more work to do!
----
"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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17.01.2010 - 12:10
GT
Coffee!!
Haha a great read as always Craig...

...and yes please try to listen to at least a few of the other nominees. There's a lot of good albums from 2009
----


Dreams are made so we don't get bored when we sleep
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18.01.2010 - 01:33
arj

Love the awards! Thanks for all the hard work put into this
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18.01.2010 - 07:31
Jan

Great article - made me chuckle as I read.

Looking forward to see the lists.
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18.01.2010 - 19:39
pazuzuovbabel
Pazuzu
Cant wait tell they start ,, for me 2009 was the best year in my metal carrier so far ..

btw, i just checked the nominees suggestion forum, which i dramatically missed it , n there is very important release that wasn't mentioned, i really hope the saffers will not forgot it, which is COBALT - GIN [Black Metal], because its really one of the best BM releases of the year, & had been awarded by many critics in there end-year-top lists, its even mentioned FOX NEWS

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19.01.2010 - 00:33
Syk
myspace/bonerama
Written by pazuzuovbabel on 18.01.2010 at 19:39
Cant wait tell they start ,, for me 2009 was the best year in my metal carrier so far ..

btw, i just checked the nominees suggestion forum, which i dramatically missed it , n there is very important release that wasn't mentioned, i really hope the saffers will not forgot it, which is COBALT - GIN [Black Metal], because its really one of the best BM releases of the year, & had been awarded by many critics in there end-year-top lists, its even mentioned FOX NEWS
Uhhh yes it was, a few posts above the bottom of this page. Stop cheating Namedrop something good that hasn't had the honour already, like Hellwitch (death/thrash) - making a return after ~20 years

I'll also be interested to see if Rudra or Heathen make it in, as I haven't yet checked them out but they're getting massive praise
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death ? thrash ? death/doom/prog ? Hail Zoldon!

he's not the kind you have to wind up on Sundays
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19.01.2010 - 01:11
Darkside Momo
Retired
Written by Syk on 19.01.2010 at 00:33

Heathen

Well, not in the 2009 awards, as the release is scheduled this month... From their Myspace:
Quote:

Heathen's new album "The Evolution Of Chaos" is available now in Japan via King Records. The album will be available in Europe on January 26th and in the US on February 16th via Mascot Records.

But I agree it's a good album
----
My Author's Blog (in French)


"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you"

"I've lost too many years now
I'm stealing back my soul
I am awake"
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19.01.2010 - 11:33
Metalodious

Tl;dr - i just wanted to know when the awards start. Oh well, I'll just ask the shoutbox
----
It's not that I don't want to be happy, I'm just not sure I'd enjoy it.
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19.01.2010 - 16:29
Dangerboner
Lactation Cnslt
Who designs the logos for the MS awards? They look really cool every year.
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19.01.2010 - 17:04
Marcel Hubregtse
Grumpy Old Fuck
Written by Dangerboner on 19.01.2010 at 16:29

Who designs the logos for the MS awards? They look really cool every year.


Ivan, the MS-ubermaster, does that
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Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight
Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.)
05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996

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20.01.2010 - 01:07
midland_don

Please be one of the few places to recognise the absolute and undeniable greatness of Cattle Decapitation!!!!!
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20.01.2010 - 12:04
Walter Iego
Author
Great, looking forward to it!
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20.01.2010 - 18:02
THE_BLACK_GOD
Account deleted
MS awards is one of those awards which I respect it, maybe sometimes its not my taste! but all in all so better than any other awards. I wish a better year for MS awards, it seems that our Staff worked a lot for it, especially about Myspace stuffs.
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22.01.2010 - 08:46
BMR Monkey

Can wait to vote for behemoth
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23.01.2010 - 21:20
Maxx666
Meshuggahian
Yeah, Cobalt-Gin is a great release of 2009, its deserves a spot in the nominees.
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28.01.2010 - 04:51
thewall30

I can't wait, I already now most of my votes!
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28.01.2010 - 05:48
BitterCOld
The Ancient One
Really?

so you already know which albums the staff have nominated, and have listened to them all already?
----
get the fuck off my lawn.

Beer Bug Virus Spotify Playlist crafted by Nikarg and I. Feel free to tune in and add some pertinent metal tunes!
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28.01.2010 - 06:37
Introspekrieg
Totemic Lust
Written by BitterCOld on 28.01.2010 at 05:48

Really?

so you already know which albums the staff have nominated, and have listened to them all already?


It doesn't matter what you nominated, people will only vote for their favorite band without even bothering to check out the others. I've even seen write-in votes for Dream Theater - Metropolis Pt. 2 years after eligibility...
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