Band:	Rotting Christ
Album:	Aealo
Style:	Folk black metal, Melodic black metal
Release date:	February 15, 2010
A review by:	Thryce

01. Aealo
02. Eon Aenaos
03. Δαιμόνων Bρῶσις (Daemonon Vrosis)
04. Noctis Era
05. Dub-Saĝ-Ta-Ke
06. Fire, Death And Fear
07. Nekron Iahes...
08. ...Pir Threontai
09. Thou Art Lord
10. Santa Muerte
11. Orders From The Dead [Diamanda Galás cover]

Melodic Black metal
Recorded: Lunatach Studios, Greece 2009
Label: Season Of Mist
Total Running Time: 50:04



Only if you've been living under a giant rock - or under the beer belly of Tankard vocalist Andreas Geremia - would you be unaware Rotting Christ released a new album last month. There was a heap of buzz about the successor of the mighty Theogonia and, unsurprisingly, the internet is now flooded with so-called in-depth reviews. In normal circumstances, Metal Storm likes to separate the wheat from the chaff, ie. the specialized analysis from whatever McDonalds worker's opinion. But for once we are giving the floor to the "special" kind of reviews to get the message through.


The rehab review: Dude, remember that time Rotting Christ won a MS Award for Black metal album of 2007? Jeezes, what were you guys smoking back then? Somewhere, Euronymous was freaking out in his grave. Anyway, now the band tried too hard to chase the Theogonia dragon again, seemingly without getting some snacks and sleep first. On several parts they sound a bit tired, benumbed and spaced out. Rotting Christ won't pull it off winning another Award this year, unless of course you guys are totally tripping... again.


The everybody knows he's gay except the guy himself review: Alright, I'm just going to come out and say it. If I ever decide to "accidentally" drop my keys in front of someone, it ought to be Rotting Christ. If only Aealo would have rocked at least half as hard as some of their previous releases, this band could have had their way with me. But the album isn't really a turn-on: it's good, but it's far from a metalheads' wet dream.


Review of the people having the same IQ as a jar of raisins*: Wooooooooooooooow!

* this also applies to the hardcore fanboys who already labeled the album as a masterpiece before the whole thing was recorded.


The movie nerd review: Aealo wants so hard to be ancient-sounding and war-themed, it sometimes seems more like a wannabe 300 movie soundtrack than a Rotting Christ record. And what would Captain Picard do when he hears the mixing/molesting of the vocals? The typical harsh vocals and barks are definitely not what they used to be. By times they even sound annoyingly similar to Gollum-like grunts and shrieks; not so precious.


The guest review that is duller than the actual album: Overall, Aealo is a middle of the warpath release. Though Rotting Christ is more ethnic-sounding than ever, it's still not a right portrait of the band's colossal grandeur. The album could use some fresh coffee... er, scratch that one. Anyway, the album unfortunately bares not enough potential to grow on you, and leaves a rather stale and uninspired impression (pretty much like this text - Ed.). The album certainly has its wide awake moments - especially the ones where the album features some interesting contributions and guest vocalists. Those can be considered the highlight of the... zzz (reviewer fell asleep during his own review).


Alexi Laiho's review: This shit is slightly above moderate shit. And it sure as fuck ain't THE shit some of you maggots claim. I mean, come the fuck on, it's Rotting mothafuckin' Christ, y'know. Somewhere in those twenty-three years it has been done already. Most likely by the band itself, y'know what I'm sayin'.


The school counselor review: You barely passed for your report on the fieldtrip to the ancient glories of Hellas, Sakis Tolis. We know you could do much better. Just try a little harder next time, mmkay.


Well, this was fun. And by fun, I mean of course emotionally scarring. In case you aren't blessed with a firm grasp of the obvious, the main conclusion is Aealo evokes too much mixed feelings. To me personally, this album showed a Rotting Christ that was neither tempting nor convincing. Pretty much like a beautiful hooker with a chastity belt.