Band:	Neoandertals
Album:	Ebu Gogo Gutting The Child
Style:	Avantgarde death metal, Brutal death metal
Release date:	April 13, 2011
Guest review by:	Götter

01. Homo Floresiensis
02. Child
03. Cut-Throat
04. Funeral Ejaculation
05. The Gutter
06. Entombment
07. Unburying The Carrion
08. Diet Of Worms
09. Survival Beyond Death

You'd think that by the 21st century, long-extinct species of pre-humans would be content with lying dead in their stony graves.

You'd be wrong. Dead wrong.

Approximately 150 years after the anthropological discoveries in Neander Valley, various forms of extinct hominids all over the world came back to life with an intent to kill and eat every homo sapiens on the planet. This was the topic of the first album by the brutal death metal band Neoandertals, titled "Neanderthals Were Master Butchers." Their new release narrows the scope and takes us into the island of Flores where folklore has preserved the memory of a lost tribe of tiny human-like child-abducting creatures, known to science as homo floresiensis. Like the debut, this one is also a concept album, and it details the relationships of a young human girl and a group of the creatures that local legends call Ebu Gogo.

As those among you with more evolved brains have already deduced, it's not all fun and games for the girl involved. In fact, the nine tracks on the record describe her premature defloration, a lengthy rape sequence, and eventual gruesome death. Now there is something undeniably romantic about being ravished with fossil cocks, and the songs make no secret of that. The lyrics are charming, complete with some obligatory bad English, with only the lack of obscure medical terminology separating it from gory death metal perfection:

"They saw love as we see death
A playful play, joy from fresh cadavers
After death-day
Most painful of fuckings and feasts of the night"

When it comes to the band's music, it might be that I'm not the best judge, considering my interest for death metal is moderate at best. But Neoandertals does it for me. Maybe it's because they stray quite far from the norm. There are really only two important aspects to their sound: the extreme speed and the omission of a normal guitar. The band's instruments consist of a masterfully handled bass, drums that work like a sexually aroused Geiger counter in Fukushima, and abyssal growls. All this comes together to create a seemingly chaotic noise that resembles mentally challenged ape-men arguing over how to best drill a jackhammer into your heavily-sedated skull. A truly befitting genre label for Neoandertals would be "fucking crazy caveman shit." The bizarreness of the sound fits a band that comprises a vegan couple writings songs about cannibalistic necropedophiliac undead Gollums. And it's all totally enjoyable - with the exception of unwanted bowel movements that occur when you turn the bass up too much.

Neoandertals' music boasts a genuine paleolithic atmosphere - something that brutal death metal almost never has. It's easy to imagine a frantic caveman orgy around a roaring campfire that overlooks a moonlit prehistoric jungle. Every feeling that the album evokes is intentionally primitive - as if an ancient cave artist, when tasked by his tribe's chief to paint some elaborate phallic symbols, took his best tools and simply drew up a fat dick. "Ebu Gogo Gutting the Child" stirs our most basic instincts and primeval fears... fears about light simian feet rustling in the undergrowth, about disproportionately large hobbit phalli held erect in anticipation of a brutal gang bang, about crude flint knives prepared to cut you up, about bloodshot eyes glaring at you hungrily from the bushes...

Hold it, what was that noise? Oh, hi there, little guy! Wait... you're an Ebu Gogo. Oh my God, they're here! THEY'RE HERE!!!