1st of April Black Sabbath review
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1st of April Black Sabbath review
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7.4 | 14 votes |
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Let me make my opinion clear at the fery beginning of this refiew. I think it is a affront against metal, no, a blasphemy! To call this little piece of monotonous tones, the first metal album efer. I don't think that there is one pop song that has less difersity than this album, the only thing other than deep, distorted, repeated guitar riffs on this album is a bit rain and a f*ing harmonica. Betonmolen. The worst thing though is probably that the term black metal might perhaps probably maybe hafe been derifed from the name Black Sabbath, who are, as we all know, power metal and not black metal, and power metal is for pussies (hence the p as in power metal) that proletic part pisses me permanently. Therefore, my brethren in metal, I strongly suggest that we rename the whole genre of black metal to satan metal. Actually we should distinguish it efen more black metal because it's made by white people and not black people, and that aside corpse (grim) paint is also white. So we should call our belofed genre WHITE SATAN METALL. The second L is because WHITE SATAN METALL has more rawness and beauty and wonderful grimminess in it, therefore it also deserfes more Ls. Isn't it simple to create new genre names my fellow brethren of the abyss in white satan metall? I think it's pretty obfious that it makes more sense this way as well. Unfortunately not all names can be as unmisleading, for example Black Sabbath which is completely misleading, as I explained earlier. Eisberg. I doubt that I hafe to be fery detailed in my explanation of this CD's shortcomings. First of all it's too much like a cookie it's too sweet and small and simple and oferrated, and it isn't efil at all, Cthulhu agrees with me. Second, it's from england, and usually real metal doesn't come from england, it's as simple as that. Real metal can come from Norway, or Poland or efen Germany, but not from England, only cheerful things like Monty Python come from England, and netal, most of all WHITE SATAN METALL, may NOT be cheerful. Broodzak. By the way as a final note I'll tell you that I decided that on a site like this a grim word should be added at the end of efery paragraph. Preferably in different languages. This way we can build up your tr00 focabulary while you read our refiews, it's a win-win situation. Zadrot. Performance: 4 Songwriting: 3 Originality: 1 Production: 6 Rating 4 |
Comments
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Comments: 44
Visited by: 418 users
| Elijah Dance, bitch! Posts: 2925  |
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| DoomGuard Posts: 368  |
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| Warman Erotic Stains Posts: 7695  |
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| Lucas Mr. Noise Elite Posts: 13427  |
Betonmolen! Broodzak! Finally a review that does justice to this immoral album. (I do hope they get deleted soon, lol)
---- SLUDGE. DOOM. DEATH. Wait, what?  "The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." - Barack Obama
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| iaberis Advice Troll Posts: 1698  |
What a sucky album... Totally overrated band...
---- Bitch! Please
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| Valentin B Iconoclast Posts: 10096  |
yeah. probably the least important metal album of all time. zabrak. totally not necro. nazg.
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| Valentin B Iconoclast Posts: 10096 |
Written by Lucas on 01.04.2008 at 17:13 ovn a svide nvote, i mvust cvongratulate yvou on lvooking almvost thve svame lvike Qvorthon, thve trvue fvather of the onvly mvusic wvorth mventioning. mvost grvim of you! and yes thve fvact thvat i pvut a v after evvery fvirst cvonsonant of each wvord is tvotally nvecro(i hvope) >:[ Hoodlum.
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| Damnated Churchburner Posts: 4943  |
this is just isn't funny.
---- Blessed is he that murders Christ in himself and in his fellow men.  Written by TheBigRossowski on 10.02.2009 at 16:01
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| selken Irreligious Posts: 949  |
Black Sabbath? pff they should be deleted! totally intrascendent band Britney Spears is the best Doom Pop evur, she is the real Paranoid cause everyone wants a piece of her!!!!!!!!!!!! xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD
---- 
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| IronBlackZepp Posts: 180  |
This is one of the worst reviews I have ever seen, Black Sabbath is a classic peice of metal, far better then any Black Metal.
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| Bas Retired Staff Elite Posts: 5591  |
Written by IronBlackZepp on 01.04.2008 at 20:16 chill mate, chill  and let your eyes wander to the calendar when you're at it
---- BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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| selken Irreligious Posts: 949 |
Written by Bas on 01.04.2008 at 20:21 löl sömëönë fëll  BTW: thë ümläüts këëps më trvë, grïm and cvlt April 1st ist bläkk metüll's däy!!!
----
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| IronBlackZepp Posts: 180 |
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| Lucas Mr. Noise Elite Posts: 13427 |
Written by Damnated on 01.04.2008 at 18:05 You know, I expected you would not consider this funny. Don't understand why though. 
---- SLUDGE. DOOM. DEATH. Wait, what? "The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." - Barack Obama
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| Damnated Churchburner Posts: 4943 |
Written by Lucas on 01.04.2008 at 21:15 the welcome screen is truly lol worthy, but this is just pushing it tbh.
---- Blessed is he that murders Christ in himself and in his fellow men. Written by TheBigRossowski on 10.02.2009 at 16:01
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| Bas Retired Staff Elite Posts: 5591 |
sorry mate, but there are very few things that are even more subjectie than tastes in music and i believe humor is one of them
---- BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Elite Posts: 40071  |
Written by Damnated on 01.04.2008 at 22:09 Totally agreed. OKay I found the Britney Spears review hilarious but this was just ott lame IMO, escpecially because kvlt nekro grim krieg tr00 also regard Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath a masterpiece and that is way burning this album to the ground as a joke didn't work.
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996 
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| Damnated Churchburner Posts: 4943 |
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 01.04.2008 at 22:43 exactly. a cunt like Britney Spears may be the catch of a joke, but imo there are things you just can't joke about. and one of those things is this album.
---- Blessed is he that murders Christ in himself and in his fellow men. Written by TheBigRossowski on 10.02.2009 at 16:01
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Elite Posts: 40071 |
Written by Damnated on 01.04.2008 at 22:46 I don't mind people joking about this album at all. But the problem here arises that an album such as this one would never have got a bad review on a kvlt black metal site and that is the reason this joke just isn't funny fot me at all.
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996
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| Bas Retired Staff Elite Posts: 5591 |
like Marcel says you can just find it not funny, but Damnated please relax, even this album, which i love as well as a sidenote, is still just music, and it's not blasphemy or something to make a joke about it, and even if it is, we're in a music style which half lives off blasphemy, this very album included maybe some of you don't think it's funny, which is perfectly fine with me as i already got way more laughs (specially out of the brit review) than i had expected i won't ask you to deem it funny or even to respect it, but please just chill out a bit, it's might not be funny to you but i dont want to annoy people, that's not the point of a joke, so please just don't think too much about it, it won't even be here much longer anyway
---- BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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| BORT Posts: 98 |
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| Damnated Churchburner Posts: 4943 |
Written by Bas on 01.04.2008 at 22:56 lol, it's not as if i can't sleep now.
---- Blessed is he that murders Christ in himself and in his fellow men. Written by TheBigRossowski on 10.02.2009 at 16:01
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| xdissectionx Posts: 29  |
pfft. no points for the album cover? blakk metallers only wish they could make a kvlter album cover
---- 
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| Herzebeth Posts: 5537  |
I think I'm becoming older and balder...I didn't laugh at any moment  I smiled with the cookie picture though 
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Elite Posts: 40071 |
Written by Herzebeth on 01.04.2008 at 23:34 Seems like you also reached the age of 40 (in a month) But like you I smiled at the cookie picture.
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996
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| Ahto Posts: 76  |
This is the best review ever made in metal history!!! Hail white black metall 
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| Herzebeth Posts: 5537 |
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 01.04.2008 at 23:40 OH...MY....GOD!!! :'(
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| IronBlackZepp Posts: 180 |
I cant beleve I fell for that, this review totally pissed me off. And I knew that it was April fools day and everything. Pretty funny!
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| +{Jonas}+ I R Serious Cat Posts: 4955  |
That band sucks. Feh, the most overrated band ever. Zadrot 8I have no idea what that is, but it sound kvlt)
---- "Nobody wants to be the weird kid, you just end up being the weird kid. You don't know how you ended up getting there" - Rob Zombie http://jonas-bs.deviantart.com My dA, mainly photography, go check it out!
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