Poetry
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since MS started all overagain, i decidied to get rid of the numbers. but i believe this should have been the 5th poetry thread.
anyways, you guys know the rules. post somethig you wrote, or a friend of yours wrote. or if you dont want to post some poem, you can always read others work and comment on that. unlike the last poetry thread, lets try to comment on every poem we get in.
(if you want me to add or remove something, just PM me, and i'll edit it right away.)
anyways, you guys know the rules. post somethig you wrote, or a friend of yours wrote. or if you dont want to post some poem, you can always read others work and comment on that. unlike the last poetry thread, lets try to comment on every poem we get in.
(if you want me to add or remove something, just PM me, and i'll edit it right away.)
Bad English Tage Westerlund |
30.05.2010 - 23:45
Almost Finished Its almost finished Story what I write about life and doom About wedding day and bride whit out smile and weddig dress Its almost finished Melody what Im playing about love and hate About wind who shood blow me away, but it makes me stay Its almost finished A Farytale what you telling about me and trust I always say a truth but Im still liar Its almost finished Life what Im living inside in my own sombre cave My tears and smile are my key to eternity and peace
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die" I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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Mertal |
16.06.2010 - 00:59
@whats_a_cow: I am enjoying the crisp imagery . Inside vacuum pushing me out I fight it I don't want to am not ready to come out into the real world.
---- I am a smile a character of fiction a creator of concepts and worlds a human being capable of changing the world
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Bad English Tage Westerlund |
30.07.2010 - 19:11
Justice Where is justice? When you fall in love, but died the next day You thought, she's heaven sent, but she burned your wings Where is justice? You want to see daylight, but cannot find the exit from your tomb You try to find a new home, but there is desert sands a million miles around Where is justice? When you are sleeping, sleeping and nobody even cares You try to die, but nobody wants to let you go Where is justice? You have some friends, but even they don't remember your name You find diamonds and they remember the place where are you staying Where is justice? Life, you try to make it happy But the story always ends with tragedy!
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die" I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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TOUGHEST MEMBER |
30.07.2010 - 21:00
Nice two K7, can say maybe I like the first more,
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TOUGHEST MEMBER |
31.07.2010 - 21:05 Written by Zombie on 31.07.2010 at 00:02 Post it, dude . What you said would trigger more others wanting to see.
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TOUGHEST MEMBER |
01.08.2010 - 16:26
Very deep and emo yeah, is that true story of something ? cuz the pic..
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Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff |
02.08.2010 - 04:52
Only came across this thread today. I've written plenty of poetry in my day, but I'm not very fond of it. I'm working on maturing in terms of content, and ever looking for inspiration outside of my pessimism... Here goes my latest: The Weight Of The Ocean Infected trees surround the dead My hands tear at the leaves Broken wings spill to the ground Tidal shame redeems the breeze We keep feeding the disease to starving roots They weep for life above, below the ground Beneath these boots
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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Lit. Metalhead Account deleted |
03.08.2010 - 01:08 Lit. Metalhead
Account deleted
I love Poetry, but I don't like writing emo stuff. My style revolves around historical events and characters, Fantasy, literature, and humor. I even keep them in a little collection book I call the Book of Lies Pt. II. I wrote this one as a tribute for my cousin who passed away a bit ago. Dancing off to Paradise I never feared what came after me Nor am I concerned. I worried not the dark things For as long as I could learn That thing is coming after me The thing in the black cloak He holds his hand out to me Like depicted in common folk I put on my dance shoes I'm ready to take my stand I'm dancing with the Reaper Off to never never land Don't worry or cry This was meant to be I'm dancing off to Paradise Don't come after me.
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TOUGHEST MEMBER |
03.08.2010 - 19:36
It is very deep and abstract. I would keep it
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Reza Account deleted |
05.08.2010 - 23:38 Reza
Account deleted
When you feel you're alone in world and you have no motivation; Close your eyes, you have a powerful imagination. If you are a rich man or you live in indigence; Be aware of this, it'll be a big experience. there are so many problems in different measures in your state; but don't let them destroy your fate. Stand up with confidence; say goodbye to hopelessness; the situation isn't same for anybody. Don't see yourself low; the life is in flow; This is a fact, everything for nobody.
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Bad English Tage Westerlund |
06.08.2010 - 13:35
Hell Besides You Hell Besides you, I choose mortality . In eternity, you can drown in your own tears . Trying to wash the sins away, with tears that fall like acid rain . Hell Besides you, I choose mortality . In eternity, you can hide in a cold cold place, but still you are melting . Never knowing why and what is under this stone cold ground . Hell Besides you, I choose mortality . In eternity, cool summer breeze will still howl in your face . And you will freeze in time like a forgotten grave under an ancient gravestone . Hell Besides you, I choose mortality . In eternity, a pain can make you see the truth . And you will wish get your life back and live it like your elders taught you. Hell Besides you, I choose mortality. In eternity, ''demon'' kiss can hurt your pride And you scream out loud , alone, and want to give away your immortality
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die" I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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TOUGHEST MEMBER |
07.08.2010 - 19:18 Written by [user id=41780] on 05.08.2010 at 23:38 refined
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Reza Account deleted |
08.08.2010 - 00:37 Reza
Account deleted Written by TOUGHEST MEMBER on 07.08.2010 at 19:18 Thanks that was the lyric of my song EVERYTHING FOR NOBODY but just the part 1 of it.
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TOUGHEST MEMBER |
09.08.2010 - 00:25
Dude, post the part 2 up, I feel I like this new lyrical theme, simple but philosophysical in it own way.
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Bad English Tage Westerlund |
10.09.2010 - 21:25
Sweet Lady In Black Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of death Standing in the rain, trying to wash black away Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of lies Sitting in the box, watching how sunshine dies Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of pain Dancing on the grave, making people insane Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of rain Playing with toys, don't care about children in pain Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of sin Sleeping with the devil, when angels are watching Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of hate Kissing preist who lost his faith Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of death Smiling at rain, can't wash black away Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of the end Doing the things that make this story end Please Forgive Me Please Forgive Me For that cold winter night in 1985 When I came , I didn't ask , but you made me come alive Now they say they bring only sunshine, I bring only rain Please Forgive Me I remember only sorrow and pain, not one single moment of happiness that we once shared The time in a grey cold autumn night , when we slept under stars , you made me smile Now in pain I even can't find a way to cry Please Forgive Me That I didn't die for you You try search for millions in my soul Rejecting truth you take out all the dust from a hole in my soul Please Forgive Me That I tell the truth about your friends beck in 1996 Bleeding out, dying from knife wounds in my arm But you can only deny it ever have happened and evil existed even then Please Forgive Me I didn't kiss death beck in 2001 You still make me cry , even when I choose wisely But I'm still afraid of sleeping alone in darkness Please Forgive Me Because I didn't jump into water beck in 2004 Didn't swim into eternity, didn't fly with angels And now there is only pain since forgiving is a sign of weakness and death Please Forgive Me When I tryd to talk about thinks beck in 2009 Atcing like you dont care, you trapped me in eternal silance Learning how start talk again, it is so hard , since Im so shy Please Forgive Me Than in raging war Im still alive Bullets fly, and I still can not die I feel pain in my heart, and I still feel mortal Please Forgive Me about the talks in 2010 About meaning of all things that tear us apart Since I'm a liar without a soul and feelings And to weak to open the gates to eternity
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die" I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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Raging Dreamer |
26.10.2010 - 07:44 Written by Kasper on 31.01.2010 at 15:14 Well after a long absence, I have returned, but it will be a slow start back. I am still working 2 jobs, which is the reason I was absent for so long. I see that I have been missed, and I do appreciate the kind words. Since 17 pages was a bit much for me to try to read through, I merely read through the last 2 pages. I'm sure I missed out on some wonderful poems, but what's a busy person to do. If anyone wants an opinion on a particular poem for a particular reason, I will try my best to review them. I'm sure I may not be as good as I once was, but what I read has given me inspiration. I have been unable to write very much in several years, with the exception of a couple of poems. I will try to post one or two of my older ones that were not posted before for your reading pleasure. I've missed this thread and hope that, by simply letting you know my humble opinion, you will be inspired to continue writing. Poetry is an expression of the soul and of feelings that might not be expressed otherwise. It is pure art from the deepest of depths, and I hope that you all will continue in this venture if for no other reason than your personal satisfaction and ability to deal with the pain and beauty of life in whatever form you live it. Now, on to at least one poem in which the artist specifically requested an opinion... The first stanza is really something. It invokes a feeling of the classics, with varying images of the sky and of simple surroundings while growing old. The language is quite whimsical and delightful. The last line, though, I personally would have left off the word "do" and put a question mark at the end rather than a period. It just seems to me to fit the rhythm in my head better. This may, however, be different for you... The second stanza was done quite well also. I felt strength from the words and the 'uplifting' you spoke of was quite literal in the sense that my soul felt lifted the images and feelings being communicated. Become an adventurer Everything a mystery Your teacher probably loved these. They are a bit generic, though something that would go well on a poster with inspirational sayings. It is at this point that the poem begins to sound a little forced, probably due to the letters you had to start with, however, you didn't do bad at all, considering what you had to work with... This part of the last stanza was my favorite: Youth spent finding myself. Over sea, over land. Under rock and dirt. Reading the signs to guide my life. The imagery here was spectacular actually and I loved the choice of words. There is actual feeling here and that is very important. The last part feels absolutely forced, although I liked the word 'liaise' for some reason. It just tickles the intellectual in me somehow lol... All in all, not bad. You should possibly attempt some more poetry and this time without the forced wording. You may be surprised at what you write. I will try to post a little more when time permits. There were some very good poems on these last two pages. To Bad English, one of yours actually caught my attention and I would enjoy very much telling you my thoughts on it. You did very good on that one. Good job! At any rate, I will take my leave for the moment and try to return soon. Take care all and keep up the good work. Raging Dreamer
---- [url]www.mistressofpoetry.wordpress.com[/url] [url]www.mymorningcupofsolitude.wordpress.com[/url]
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Bad English Tage Westerlund |
26.10.2010 - 14:21 Written by Raging Dreamer on 26.10.2010 at 07:44 Wellcome beck, nice to see old faces here
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die" I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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Kasper |
26.10.2010 - 18:01 Written by Raging Dreamer on 26.10.2010 at 07:44 Wow did not expect such a reply - thanks! And you're absolutely right about the forced thing - the last lines are definitely "forced", I had to come up with something and the first letter had to fit. My teacher actually had the same kind of cricitism as you gave me - and I am kinda proud, since it's my first poem. Maybe I should spent some time writing some stuff when I feel for it
---- "An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded"
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Raging Dreamer |
27.10.2010 - 05:22 Written by Bad English on 10.09.2010 at 21:25 To Bad English, thank you so much for your kind words. This poem was really something, with intense visuals and cold cold feelings of darkness. I highly enjoyed reading it. The only thing that I would improve, and I know it would be difficult for anyone who does not speak English as their native language, so it is completely understandable as to the reason, I would add in the word 'the' at certain instances. If you ever wish to publish this, please feel free to contact me and I can edit it to add in these articles in the proper places without changing the poem itself. Aside from this, it's a wonderful poem. One thing, though - you shouldn't feel like you have to rhyme so much. What matters is the feelings portrayed. But this one caught my attention for sure, as did "Hell Besides You". The only thing I really suggest on that one is to remove the 's' from Besides, since besides has a slightly different meaning than what you had intended. These two poems have the artistic spark that really gets my attention. Good job on them! Keep posting whenever you find the time to write. I will try to come here as often as I my schedule permits and read them. I'll try to review a few more poems from the last two pages before posting one of my own. I owe you guys that much. There were quite a few really really great ones on these pages. We have some really talented artists for sure! Keep up the great work everyone! Raging Dreamer
---- [url]www.mistressofpoetry.wordpress.com[/url] [url]www.mymorningcupofsolitude.wordpress.com[/url]
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Bad English Tage Westerlund |
27.10.2010 - 14:56
Raging Dreamer - Thank's I remeber you from old good days , I miss Torelli to, because this tread is sortha dead whit out analises, ;( Avout english and grammer, its eb hard belive me, and I wrote it in wooden box, I was sitting and try write man in a box, but could not do it so then I herad a accstic melody in my head and it came in my mind, its all story abdout hell besides you, it was when I thought what would be better die and live eternal life there, or stay here somethiung like vampire or higlander, and see how all world changing
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die" I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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Bad English Tage Westerlund |
29.10.2010 - 01:30
I think I need start whit explanation , I was writing ''Im alone again'', but I didnt like title, so I to cool my brains look in MA, and I found band Die Toten Kehren Wieder Mit Dem what in english means The dead ones return with the wind ... so I simply stoll a title Die Toten Kehren Wieder Mit Dem Wind I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind In tomorrow's bloom, elders coming from the other side In wastelands far away, young man wonders, then he understands I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind In autumn wind , leaves cover the sleepless man Is my journey over, or it just beginning ? I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind In deep sleep, never ending sorrow is going away But I don't understand how can it be? I'm not dead, but I'm not alive I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind Through raven's eyes, I see revenge has been done No tears in ''beloved'' eyes, only the raven can bring me beck I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind In mournful corridors, no one is calling me back After a hundred years , you can't steal my home in eternity
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die" I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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Raging Dreamer |
29.10.2010 - 10:36 Written by Bad English on 29.10.2010 at 01:30 Well, since yours was the last one posted and the first one I came across tonight, I'll start with this one and then try to do one more before heading off to bed. It's 3am and I finally got some peace and quiet to concentrate! This is an amazing poem, and even though you ripped off a band name , I highly enjoyed this one! First stanza, I am totally enamored with the phrase 'in tomorrow's bloom'. That's just an amazing choice of words and it brings such a fresh, crisp picture to mind of the morning, with its dew and light reflecting through it, with the crisp, chilled air raising goosebumps on your arms and legs. Just the whole feel and sense of morning all around. Simply remarkable! I would word the next phrase slightly differently, to read "Elders come in from the other side". The next sentence, again, I love the visuals it invokes: In wastelands far away. I love those kinds of desolate visuals that come to mind, but that's just me hehe... Again, the next phrase I would adjust ever so slightly to read "a young man wonders, then he understands". All in a single letter and English article. But overall, not bad at all aye? The next stanza you continued with the atmospheric power of words with the man being covered by leaves. In my part of the US, it would be slightly warmer during this part of the day, and a bit windy, so it would be an absolutely comfortable day, good for laying around on the ground and getting covered with leaves, just like your character in this line! Is my journey over, or is it just beginning? I love this question of eternity. It makes you think, really, and wonder what exactly does happen after you die. Good thought provocation! The next stanza again raises the question of our existence after death, and causes me to imagine what it would be like to 'wake up' separated from the body. The stanza after this turns the poem darker, though I love the thought of seeing things from an aerial perspective, through the raven's eyes. The last stanza brings cold to the dark, and in essence, brings the poem full circle, from a bright, crisp morning, to the warm wind against your skin, to the cold and dark of death and the tomb, wandering endless corridors of bemusement, from which no one can make you leave. Really an excellent poem. Great job on this one! You should pat yourself on the back! Keep up the good work! I'll post this and then review one more poem before the night closes the shade on my attention span, sprinkling my ever weary eyes with sleep.
---- [url]www.mistressofpoetry.wordpress.com[/url] [url]www.mymorningcupofsolitude.wordpress.com[/url]
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Raging Dreamer |
29.10.2010 - 11:12 Written by Nexus on 09.01.2010 at 19:54 I could not agree with you more about things changing with the emotion of the poem when you try to refine it. My best poems usually come within about half an hour or so, and if I try to go back and smooth things out, it just tends to get a bit messed up sometimes, though not always, but it does get frustrating lol... Of course, we are always most critical of our own works, aren't we? On to your poem, which I found to be an amazing invasion of atmospheric chaos entwined with hellish visualisations. This I like! The first stanza was like gazing up at a blood-red sky filled with dark clouds, a crack in the very matrix of the heavens. I could almost hear screams of anguish and shouting coming down, just from the power of the words. The next line, all alone, is like a pronunciation of punishment upon humankind, and come forth with a strikingly authoritative tone. The next stanza and its follow-up line goes further into the chaos, confirming the atmosphere the first stanza evoked in my mind. The screams become louder, the sky splits in two from the literal hell that has been created by this powerful poem. In the following stanza, I love the visuals created by the description of an aphotic sky. Then suddenly everything gets turned upside down. The atmosphere becomes thicker, and you can almost feel the heat and choke on the fumes you are so masterfully describing. The next stanza, where you talk about the epiphanies projecting themselves through the disruptions, It was almost as though I could literally see some sort of spirits breaking through the clouds, with the smoke trailing behind them, leaving a hole where they burst through. The figures are horrid, spelling doom to those who dare to look upon them. I love how you describe the protective layer of the earth as a ceramic dome, then break it like glass. When this happens, suddenly the screaming is realized, and it is emanating from us, or at least this is what I have envisioned from your words, and this seems to be confirmed with the last stanza, when the 'murky liquid laces itself to us". That is such a powerful description and unique in the way you have worded it. Then you leave us with food for thought in the last two lines. Such a stark judgment, such a horror-filled nightmare. One could only hope to awake from such a thing, but what if it were real? You've really brought a wholly monstrous vision to the imagination, and have captivated your audience very well. This is an awesome poem. You should be very proud. You are a truly talented sorcerer or words! Keep up the good work. I look forward to any future poems you may decide to post. Well it seems that I shall need to get some rest now. Work was murder tonight and I must recuperate. I hope to be able to review a few more poems for you guys very soon. Reviews may begin to get a little shorter in the coming weeks, but this is by no means an indicator that your poems are less worthy. We've got some really really superb poets in this thread and I hope you all will continue to post, and if not, then at least keep writing for yourselves. Poetry is a very important avenue for the release of emotion and artistic venture, and you all do it so well. Until next time, Raging Dreamer
---- [url]www.mistressofpoetry.wordpress.com[/url] [url]www.mymorningcupofsolitude.wordpress.com[/url]
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Bad English Tage Westerlund |
29.10.2010 - 12:00
Raging Dreamer - Well rip of bands name is not a crime because there planty same titled poems whatever whit sane mane, and I liked how it sounds and german langauge gives to poetry like clensing it sonds so beautifull, and also menaing 1th well I try see dark, gloomuy, foogy feeld, in my head, also iageds about afterlife, dark forest ,etc and it came in my mind and about youg man, simply he understand he's dead , not all dead soulds undesrtand it thay think, thay are alive and keep living whit us...well a lot of discovery (haunting ) and docs about afterlife All leaves are on ground here some rotten, its like you die near trea and wind covers corpes whit leaves and there nobody who found you.... ---- generaly its about death, afterlife,where is eral life, I was lsitenbing Bathory and valhalla, living up in nordth what you see is darkness, harsh wether, and you look in west see a light and it somehow make you go to yourney, same deep forest sorounds you, nice place where walk, also you thinkk about valhalla, crossing rainbow bridge, and such thoughts + emotions,
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die" I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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Soliloquy |
31.10.2010 - 04:16
First, my god i cant believe my thread i made in 2006 is still alive! second, its good to see some of the old faces still writing here. third, for the new folks, welcome, and thank you for posting poems and making sure this thread doesn't die. i've kinda hit a real rough patch in life as of late. nothing i'm doing is going according to plan. everyone has given up on me. everything thinks i'm a disappointed, and even my closest friend, who is also my girlfriend isn't really helping my situation at the moment...but while i'm here, it has helped me write some great work. well, great in my opinion. i think my writing has matured a lot and is forming a lot of different layers, and depths to them.... anyways, heres something i wrote recently. The Call Her Home... memories of an old woman, and her wisdom i ponder on even to this day. upon her knee i listened to her magical tales of worlds long gone; she relived her colorful life just for me. even with hardship, she rose her children to be strong, who chased after busy lives, like bee hives, and how she wished they would visit often. collectively, her children came back to the empty halls, to where they once called home, where she departed alone. i squeezed my mothers leg, with her tears raining on my head as i asked her 'why is my mentor asleep?' now i've grown to understand her teachings...
---- now get on your knees and worship me! -Zakk Wylde
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Raging Dreamer |
31.10.2010 - 06:49 Written by Soliloquy on 31.10.2010 at 04:16 Wow! so good to see you on here again! I only recently came back but it seems well worth it and is good to be back. Your poem is so filled with emotion. I almost wanted to cry at the end. While the wording is not the most eloquent in a couple of parts, you got your meaning across very strongly. It makes me think of my own grandparents and the stories they used to tell... I miss those days as I read this wonderful poem. It's been a long time and I don't quite remember how you used to write, as it has been several years, but there is just so much feeling here that this quality cannot be ignored. Great job! We all hit hard spots in life, but I hope you will be able to overcome this. It seems to be particularly harsh with so many people giving up on you. People really don't have the patience to see the whole story or even care to, but you need some stubborn resilience and it seems you have it in you. Don't give up on yourself even if everyone else has. Prove to yourself first and then them that you are a strong and worthwhile person. I've been in similar circumstances, though not exactly the same. Just take care of yourself and give your spirit what it needs, be that a vacation, a writing project, some other hobby, or maybe a move to a new location or a new job. Just give yourself the chance you need to grow and get past this. I can tell you that this effort will not be in vain. Just look at the power this poem had over me. It means you're good at something. Build on that and continue to persevere! I wish you the best, dear friend. Good luck in all things! Raging Dreamer
---- [url]www.mistressofpoetry.wordpress.com[/url] [url]www.mymorningcupofsolitude.wordpress.com[/url]
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Soliloquy |
31.10.2010 - 18:06
Thank you raging dreamer! you signed up with a new account? i remember you having far more posts than just 9 . how've you been? previously i used to write about politics, with a lot of gothic/romatic themes, with a heavy emphasis on historical backgrounds. even writing in archaic english to mimic Poe, Shakespeare, and old Threatre Of Tragedy. fairly dark stuff. but i'm moving away from that and filling in a more empathetic role, with a touch of feminism. not really feminism, but just issues/topic that deal more with women than with men. also, instead of historical background, i'm moving towards modernism:S like this. i wrote being inspired by my girlfriends mom. my girlfriend lost her dad about 2 years ago. and her mom is just obliterated. coincidentally, patrick swayze died around the same time, and he left his wife all alone with no kids. and since they shared a fairly private life, her consequences were far sever ...so this was a result for it: Working Titles: if i were a leaf / my lost brenard / abandoned puzzles its been quiet a many weeks since i spoke to that wretched man in white... i still refuse to believe his words about you how can they be true? can you feel my hands trying to keep yours warm? i've given all i can yet your hands remain cold like the rest of you... blue never was a color i liked on you yet helpless here i kneel where i've been praying for so long for your lips to return to their former self! now i dont want to learn how it feels to be alone for you've always been there for me you've always been there waiting...on the other side i used to adore the 5p.m. commutes home the three hour train ride, an hours worth of driving so long as i was coming home to you but now i come home and i miss your face so that smile, that long hug those kisses that made me tremble your eyes staring down at mine i miss your celebrations the many puzzels you created around you (like me) seem to last and last yet the only one i've ever made crumbled when you left my purse gets hevier by the day for its filled with your belongings that i cherish so much i miss having you around me i never leave our home with out your jacket and your cologne it keeps them predators at bay or i tell 'em you're on your way my love, my lost Brenard, i hope you can find it in you to forgive me for i wasted time when i didn't have you in my thoughts. is there someone here beside me? i hear your voice call to me i've felt you in the winter breeze i've felt you all around i feel your pressense all around me these shadows on the wall, i feel you in the wind your accompanying voice in my sleep you guide me constantly bet when you touch me through the wind it reminds me of you treating me like a leaf with your tree trunk like arms hoisting me sky high only to reach the top cabinette, which you could have done yourself you rose me to higher heights than i deserved ..... it tore me to see the strongest man i ever knew lying there stoic in the dimly lit room to quote that wretched man who was dressed in white "like that stubborn leaf during a winter storm, holding onto its brand, you keep testing his stenght, as he hangs on for you" as i curled up beside you one last time. i miss your warmth breathing down my spine those soft kisses to my stomach your thunderous strong voice thank you for trying to keep me warm you were as kind as the world allowed my lost Brenard, i beg for forgiveness- for i was being selfish just to keep you hanging on for me i prolonged sending my farewell. the hardest words i ever spoke still haunt me to this day before i said i loved you i whispered by your ear "sweet leaf, my Brenard, you can let go now, my love- you can let go. fly- my leaf you are free to land wherever you wish but you'll always be deeply rooted into my life..."
---- now get on your knees and worship me! -Zakk Wylde
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Bad English Tage Westerlund |
31.10.2010 - 21:57
On my road to nowhere I'm a little child who's afraid of dying... ...afraid of living, I hide when heaven starts the rain I know nothing stays forever, and sunshine brings soul pain On my road to nowhere, I found edge of sanity, my reality I'm a little child who's afraid of night... ...afraid of dancing with shadows, close hug burns like pyre In the early morning hours, a song-less bird's morning serenades stops yesterdays fire On my road to nowhere, I found edge of sanity, my reality I'm a little child who's afraid of life... ...afraid of reality, there are millions of eyes to choose from Easy flirt in moonlight, seems daylight will never come On my road to nowhere, I found edge of sanity, my reality I'm a little child who's afraid of strangers smile... ...afraid of smooth dance in spotlight, I don't want be a ''star'' of masquerade On my road to nowhere, I found edge of sanity, my reality I'm a little child who's afraid to give a life.... ...afraid of seeing faces getting older, I know time brings deadly doom Diamond tomb, or pet cemetery be our last room On my road to nowhere, I found edge of sanity, my reality
---- I stand whit Ukraine and Israel. They have right to defend own citizens. Stormtroopers of Death - "Speak English or Die" I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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Raging Dreamer |
01.11.2010 - 07:11
@ Soliloquy, dude! You gotta stop that, making me cry and all. I'm brutal... BR00TAL I tell ya! (Tries to hide the fact that of crying). Dammitt man, the pure emotions coming through this... well I'd call it more of a story than a poem. With the exception of a few distracting misspells and typos, I was gutwrenched in agony the entire time, glued to the words. You have really captured the feelings of this woman, as you had intended. Great job! @ Bad English, seems your wording got a bit lost in trying to rhyme. I like the first and last lines of each stanza, and some parts of the lines are very good, but then the endings seem to get lost in rhyme. The meaning becomes frayed...The basic emotions are there, and it seems to be more of a reflective mood, just try not to focus too much on the rhyme. The last stanza was the best really, though I would have worded the first line a little differently, instead of 'giving a life' you would instead be afraid to 'let go', which makes a bit more sense and makes the stanza more complete. At any rate, overall the poem was an excellent attempt. Just try to focus more on the emotions, less on the rhyming, and then work just a little on the environment and visualisations once you've mastered the emotions. I know you've got it in you! I've seen the spark! Keep at it dear one! I look forward to your next post! At any rate, I'm really tired from work tonight. I can't wait until I have a real day off from both jobs, but I'm trying to spend at least a little time here for you guys. Maybe soon I'll be able to write something myself. I can only hope, but one thing is for sure - you guys are inspiring me, and for that I thank you! I really miss having the time and concentration to write. It would mean so much to be able to do it like I used to years back. Writing is a part of me and I need it so desperately. I envy you even, dear ones, because you are able to write more often, while I have to fight to find even a moment for things I enjoy, even just the simple things. I'm just glad I can manage a few minutes to come here and review your poems, even if the reviews are somewhat short. Keep up the good work everyone... and keep writing! I am enjoying even these brief moments reading your art. Raging Dreamer
---- [url]www.mistressofpoetry.wordpress.com[/url] [url]www.mymorningcupofsolitude.wordpress.com[/url]
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Raging Dreamer |
01.11.2010 - 07:23 Written by [user id=101272] on 03.08.2010 at 01:08 Ah what the heck! I'll do one more, since I've been wanting to comment on this one anyways. Bear with me if I don't make a lot of sense lol... I'm really tired! This is a very beautiful poem and your cousin would be very honored to know you wrote this for him/her. The wording is perfect, even for a rhyming poem. I would only change one word- depicted BY common folk instead of IN. Everything else is quite lovely. This poem even has a mild classical tone to it, which I enjoyed, and the ending was so very perfect, like a final goodbye in honor of their journey, allowing them to let go and enjoy whatever future eternity has in store for them. Good job in honoring your family with this. I would like to hear more from you if you ever have the time, it doesn't have to be emotional poetry. I'm quite delighted to hear poems about history or what have you. Those are every bit as wonderful and worthy of being read, so feel free to let us read your take on things. Raging Dreamer
---- [url]www.mistressofpoetry.wordpress.com[/url] [url]www.mymorningcupofsolitude.wordpress.com[/url]
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