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Impaled interview (01/2008)


With: Ross Sewage [bass and vocals] Jason Kocol [guitar and vocals]
Conducted by: Herzebeth (e-mail)
Published: 02.01.2008

Band profile:

Impaled


The guys at Willowtip Records hooked me up with the guys of Impaled...I can't thank you guys enough as I finally have someone willing to see my amateur naked pictures (They're on the way Jason )

Note: Images taken from band's website, logo taken from label's website







-Hello, I'm Francisco Eguiza from MetalStorm.ee To begin with I would like to thank you for allowing me to do this short Interview, and of course for giving your fans a chance of reading a little more about Impaled, as I said, I would like to thank you but I don't have the time as I'm working on an Interview right now...

Ross: Ironic, as I am working on an interview right now, too!



-Really? We should hold hands one day...anyway let's break the ice, how are things working out with your new album?

Ross: They work out fine. I love working out to our new album. It gets me PUMPED and I can totally bench press the weight of a small dog!

Jason: I, on the other hand, can still barely lift this sandwich. Little help, please?



- How cute, I mean is it every single thing you wanted it to be? Do you think this is the most impressive and most perfect album you've released to date?

Ross: It's definitely my favorite Impaled album. I'm not ashamed of the way I played on it (others probably are) and I think it's the most solid listen from beginning to (thankfully abrupt and not 20 minutes of a heartbeat) end.

Jason: While nothing can ever be perfect - except my glorious hair, of course - I think this album sounds the best out of all of them. The amount of work we all put into it really shows.



-How could you possibly know there are so many "Chancres observed on genitals", do you go around asking people in the mall about their VD's on a regular basis?

Ross: We're fucking doctors, of course we're checking out VD all the time. Now, while I cup your balls, turn your head and cough.



Didn't do my homework apparently, hopefully you'll still cup my balls









-Let's talk about something less gross?what happened with your last label Century Media, did they make bad jokes about your hairdo? As far as I know they still hang out with the money of bands like Caliban, Lacuna Coil and Arch Enemy?maybe you weren't as insanely hostile and br00tall/kult as those dudes...could you please tell us what happened there?

Ross: They asked Sean to get breast implants, so we could have more appeal like Arch Enemy. Whatever happened to their old vocalist? In any case, we had a really crappy working relationship (including drunken angry emails from me) and they didn't really support the record after our first A&R rep quit. When the kicked us off, it was win win.



- I think their old vocalist actually got a boob job and changed his name to Angela...still I'm not quite sure...Anyways do you remember your past albums as being real masterpieces?

Ross: More like disasterpieces? at least The Dead Shall Dead Remain. If an album's merit was measured by how drunk and out of tune the members played, it would be tops.



-But you're now on a different label, how's Willowtip Records suiting you?

Ross: Willowtip has been good. Willowtip doesn't read our interviews and say "You can't do that! Zeez peeple are trying to help you! Vee have vays of making you do serious intervewzzzz!"

Jason: Willowtip also updates their site frequently with correct and pertinent info, instead of having a link on our band bio go to some other band's website, as a previous label found so fit to do for the better part of a year.



-Back to your last album, did the label shift help with the creation of "The Last Gasp"? How was the concept of this album conceived?

Ross: We thought of it. That's how it was conceived. Do I have to explain neurological brain science to you? Try reading a book? that's what we (finally) did.

Jason: I like when concepts are conceived. Recursive definitions are the best!



-You got me on that one...can I get the phone or e-mail of the girl on the cover then? It just looks like she's into really twisted stuff?

Ross: She's twice the man you'll ever be. I don't think she'd give you the time of day? we didn't pay her enough to buy a watch. Shannon Lark is rad, and does some cool horror shit like Living Dead Girlz dance troupe and a local femal horror movie showcase. She also still talks to us after the whole experience, so she's rad.







-Do you think sending her a naked picture of myself would be a rude move?

Ross: It'd be even ruder when she laughs at your pecker.

Jason: Although, you can e-mail that picture to me anytime, big stud!



-As I'm very stupid and I don't have an anus I want to be that guy who asks you this question for the 10,000th time. There's people out there saying you're a band just copying Carcass even in the "let's give our solos a name yeeey!" concept, is this true? Do you have any statement about this matter oh dear incredibly original band member? Did I mention I think you're very original and unique? Do you think is uncool not to have an anus because I can't deliver poo on someone else's hand?

Ross: It's okay to not have an anus if indeed you are one. I can't think of another band who named their solos, so yeah, I guess we ripped that off from them. So be it. We do a lot of things like Carcass, and we do a fair share of things like Dismember, Autopsy, and a lot of other bands. I don't really mind what people accuse of us, so long as they enjoy what we're doing. Or don't enjoy it, so long as they don't enjoy it to the point that we cause them pain. That's awesome.

Jason: I love any and all comparisons between us and any other band. Because that's the only way the worth of any music can be determined; by how it compares to some other music.



-What are you seriously trying to transmit with your scheme (lyrics, layout, imagery, etc.) do you want people to feel disgusted, identified, shocked or you just want to wrap them with cheerfulness and hilarity while your band becomes really popular.

Ross: I want people to read the lyrics of this record and become enraged, then be fueled by the music to the point where they destroy society as we know it. Then we can have a new world anarchist order ruled by G.O.R.E. where death is not the mythical entryway to a new life, but finally and truly the bitter fucking end.



-So far, how the press and the fanatics have reacted to what you're doing?

Ross: People like the record. It's a bitter disappointment to us, as you can imagine, as enjoyment equals passivity. I'd rather they get angry and beat their heads against nails.

Jason: Yeah, I wish we were getting more death threats. C'mon people, you gotta up your game!



-Anyway, Do you think some people dislike your music because they know you worship uncool drunken bands like Megadeth?

Ross: That's probably the main reason people DO like our bands.

Jason: I think some people dislike our music because it doesn't sound like "Band XYZ." Again, you can only listen to music if you are comparing it side-by-side to some other music.









-Billy Nocera sent me an e-mail saying "here's the latest Ghoul picture for the promo pack" instead he sent me a picture of some Impaled members, do you know why?

Ross: Billy Nocera is a piece of shit.

Jason: Hmm, on second thought, maybe you should e-mail him that picture of your penis instead. Oh, who am I kidding; CC me on that still.



-You're already on my "amateur pics" contact list...by the way, what happened to Leon Del Muerte, he was such a nice element in your band, he's actually one of the most missed members by the fans if I'm not mistaken, then he went to Exhumed and happily jammed with Intronaut, do you still love each other and go to pajama parties and roadtrips together? Has he commented anything constructive (or destructive) about your last couple of albums to you?

Ross: We love Leon, but our musical differences became such that we almost didn't like each other. It was time to part ways, for sure, and now we're good firiends. He went on to travel the world, while we toiled in our laboratories in obscurity, so really, who won?

Jason: If Leon was never replaced, I'd be out of a job by now. I think he told me once that our last few albums were lacking in wet beef jerky farts. That's pretty constructive, if you ask me.



-Impaled kicks Exhumed's ass?

Ross: Absolutely. Remove the question mark.



-Why does Ross Sewage has a very weird scar on his eyebrow?

Ross: I guess that was the time when Exhumed kicked my ass? we had a car accident, and instead of dying, I got a super cool scar and insurance money. Both end up getting me laid a lot.



-Do you think Homeless people, metal women, people with no money and big nipples are gross and should be erased from humanity?

Ross: The only people who should be spared are the good Christians. The rest of us can finally rest while they toil for eternity on this forsaken mud ball.



-You guys have really long hairs, is it difficult to manoeuvre when you're trying to sit on a toilet?

Ross: Mine are not so long? except on my butt. Nothing I can do about it but deal with the klingons.

Jason: To save water, I end up using my cat's litter box instead. So yes, it's difficult to keep my hair out of the way, but I'm a total scumbag so I don't even fucking care, man.








-What do you find more attractive on a girl, her armpit, her hairless crotch, her monumental breasts, her sweet latina behind or "I dislike girls and I oftenly enjoy shemales"

Ross: How about her intelligent conversation? It's rad to have intelligent conversations with my girlfriend while we're fucking.

Jason: According to Jackie Treehorn, the brain is the biggest erogenous zone. I am going to have to go with that one myself.



-Do you think 2girls1cup.com should be transformed into a very unsexy movie? Kudos if you haven't seen that site yet...

Ross: I don't see the big deal? I've seen plenty of grosser videos. I've seen Japanese girls vomit on each other, German girls shit on each other, Swedes fuck chickens? I've seen a guy get fucked by a horse to death. Goatse for life!

Jason: The reputation of that site precedes itself. I don't need to even visit it. I saw enough nasty stuff on stileproject.com many years ago to last me a lifetime. Although, I still have the goatse.cx image as my desktop for nostalgic reasons.



-Anyway, I guess I better stop this interview before someone sends my wife one of my ears through the mail...I'll sum things up a little bit....you just had your 10th anniversary as a band, is it everything as exciting and fun as it was ten years ago?

Ross: It's more exciting? Sean, Jason, and Raul keep getting sexier year by year.

Jason: It isn't easy being this beautiful, let me tell you.



-After so many releases, is there any song that makes you really fucking proud of yourself, a song that will make you say "damn, the only good thing in my life was writing and playing that song" in your deadbed?

Ross: Our entire catalog only brings me shame? my guidance counselor said I could be an architecht, and instead I wrote "Back to the Grave" about having sex with a corpse. Go me.

Jason: I feel that way about every piece of music I've written. It's like I've died hundreds of times over and over again, too.



-Finally for the protocol stuff, can you please share some information about tours, where to buy merch and all those things that makes your wallet so fat that we'll see you buying new black ties outside a Bank in California.

Ross: Go to www.impaled.info and pledge your money to G.O.R.E. We have nice tee shirts that will get you kicked out of school.

Jason: Tours will also be announced on that site as soon as we have things set up.



-I guess this is it, it was nice to make this interview so thank you very much, you can close this interview however you want!

Ross: The interview may finally be over, but since I've already got this gun in my mouth?

Jason: That's not a gun, it's a banana!




Comments

Comments: 19   Visited by: 145 users
02.01.2008 - 20:07
Bararey
Winter is Coming
Pretty funny interview, several gross parts, but overall hilarious

I managed to miss 3 Impaled concerts last year, 2 I couldn't go to coz I already bought a ticket to another concert on the same night, and 1 well no excuse there I was just lazy...
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"Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaegar died."
Ser Jorah Mormont
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02.01.2008 - 20:17
Herzebeth

missing an Impaled concert is outrageous, they came just once to Mexico and I was there two days before...lol...
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02.01.2008 - 21:47
BitterCOld
The Ancient One
great freaking interview. reads like a drunken parody interview at a bar.
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get the fuck off my lawn.

Beer Bug Virus Spotify Playlist crafted by Nikarg and I. Feel free to tune in and add some pertinent metal tunes!
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03.01.2008 - 01:21
Susan
Smeghead
This is so awesome. My favourite parts were when they bashed Century Media about making them give serious interviews and having a useless website, lol.

It's nice to see famous musicians be silly and not be so concerned with having some dark, tr00, serious image.
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"A life all mine
Is what I choose
At the end of my days"
--The Gathering "A Life All Mine" from Souvenirs
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03.01.2008 - 01:46
Insineratehymn
Account deleted
This is delicious! I especially loved the part where they talked about Goatse.
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03.01.2008 - 01:59
Lucas
Mr. Noise
Very nice man, very nice.
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SLUDGE. DOOM. DEATH. Wait, what?

"The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." - Barack Obama
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03.01.2008 - 05:38
Dangerboner
Lactation Cnslt
Weird, this interview reminds me of when I tried to get a group of people to cup my balls the other night when I was drunk.

Oh, and good job mentioning 2 girls 1 cup
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03.01.2008 - 06:54
Opium
Account deleted
Damn this was hilarious, most comical review I've ever read, for sure.
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03.01.2008 - 11:04
GT
Coffee!!
This is one of the funniest interviews I've read so far. Really good since you got a lot of informations in the process as well.
It's always nice to see musicians take it a little less serious.
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Dreams are made so we don't get bored when we sleep
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03.01.2008 - 14:38
Fucked Upstairs.
Account deleted
that link with the shit-eating girls was awesome, finally i could masturbate while reading an interview.

i hereby announce, that this is the best interview ever.
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03.01.2008 - 21:17
Herzebeth

lol...did you really touched yourself with 2girls1cup.com? oh my freaking fucking god dude, that's sick...lol

cool thing that y'all liked the intie
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03.01.2008 - 21:32
Warman
Erotic Stains
It's great to be a coprophile... anyways, very funny interview!
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04.01.2008 - 08:22
Fucked Upstairs.
Account deleted
Written by Herzebeth on 03.01.2008 at 21:17

lol...did you really touched yourself with 2girls1cup.com? oh my freaking fucking god dude, that's sick...lol

cool thing that y'all liked the intie

ah come on herz', you know me
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08.01.2008 - 15:58
ylside

Hahaha funny dudes, I like it when people don't take interviews dead serious.
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11.01.2008 - 00:05
DoomGuard

freaking hilarious!

these guys would be awesome to hangout with
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11.01.2008 - 00:25
+{Jonas}+
I R Serious Cat
Funny and amazing, with many gross stuff. Amazing.
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"Nobody wants to be the weird kid, you just end up being the weird kid. You don't know how you ended up getting there" - Rob Zombie

http://jonas-bs.deviantart.com My dA, mainly photography, go check it out!
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16.01.2008 - 00:48
DrunkenFuck
Thrasher!
Funniest interview on Metalstorm yet!

Sound like great guys ^^
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THRASH!!!
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31.05.2008 - 17:22
Miss_Fermento
Trauma Grinder
Written by Herzebeth on 02.01.2008 at 20:17

missing an Impaled concert is outrageous, they came just once to Mexico and I was there two days before...lol...


muahahamuahhahhahaah i see them in León Gto!!!!!!!!!! the concert was amazing!!!! and the are a real great metalheads, persons.. drunkers, funny and we talk a about Horro Movies, tacos and Menudo!!! (remember, the drumer is MEXICAN!!!!)

cheerssssssssssss
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Patriotic Alcoholic Trauma Grinder

F*** off metal, Support the brutal music! - Purulent
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31.05.2008 - 19:36
Lyra
Account deleted
Yeah Raul Varela is mexican, also they fucking rule! I havent seen them live but my hubby says they rock and after playing and all they were saleing their own merchandise
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