Band:	House Of Lords
Album:	Precious Metal
Style:	Hard rock
Release date:	February 21, 2014
A review by:	ScreamingSteelUS

01. Battle
02. I'm Breakin' Free
03. Epic
04. Live Every Day (Like Its The Last)
05. Permission To Die
06. Precious Metal
07. Swimmin' With The Sharks
08. Raw
09. Enemy Mine
10. Action
11. Turn Back The Tide
12. You Might Just Save My Life

House Of Lords never really made it out of the '80s. While we all wish that we could say the same of certain bands, House Of Lords are not so much experiencing a perennial case of the glory days as spinning their wheels in a creative wasteland.

In days gone by, House Of Lords hosted members of Quiet Riot, Whitesnake, and Dokken, which should indicate the kind of circles HOL ran in; while these musicians have moved on (and, indeed, the rest of popular music), their influences clearly have not. I do need to confess that I wasn't alive in the '80s, but those ludicrous keyboards that announce the arrival of "Battle" put me in mind of moon boots, Rocky IV, and that one rap song that featured Freddy Krueger. I haven't heard in quite a long time a band that so convincingly reproduced the recyclable, utterly bland tripe that passed for hard rock/heavy metal in hedonistic halls of the Sunset Strip.

On past albums, this refusal to move on usually manifested itself as flavorless sing-alongs with generic riffs and just the right amount of earnestness to make each song uncomfortable. No matter how hard they try, however, this approach still sounds as manufactured, toothless, and uncompelling as ever. Precious Metal isn't all that different, aside from a few instances of sickening keyboards. More obnoxious and atrocious than they have been in a long time, these keyboards simper and drain everything of flavor, like some kind of giant, pathetic vacuum that sucks up dignity. The keyboards make everything so much worse - ironic, as the band was founded by keyboardist Gregg Giuffria. For examples, see "Battle," "Epic," "Enemy Mine," and "Action." Actually, don't listen to "Enemy Mine" at all.

Bland. Just bland. Like the color beige, white rice, a bowdlerized Anal Cunt album, or Egg from Arrested Development. No amount of shredding, harmonies, or disingenuous balladry can save it. It's soft, uninspired, ancient pop music that does about as much for me as the real House of Lords.