School bullying is a growing phenomenon nowadays. Personally I haven't lived this experience from any of the sides, nor have I seen it happening at my school or high school. I really can't understand why certain children need to look down on others, take adavantage of them and not content with that, beat them as hard as possible. These situations really get on my nerves...I'd love to kick those children's asses However, even when a case can be proved, justice isn't done, and if that was my case I would certainly take the law into my own hands.

I'm bringing this topic up because yesterday I was reading a magazine my mum often buys and there was an article about three boys in India who had killed two other kids just to have days off school, as they mourn dead students. You can read more about it here.

This is a quite extreme case, but I'd like to know what you all think about this and if you've ever suffered or witnessed school bullying.

ha, well bullying is getting worse here in England as I expect it probably is everywhere there is a westernised culture..
we have people taking knives to school, all sorts of gangs and whatnot in some areas and all that sort of stuff.. some kid was killed here just because they liked AC/DC or something like that..

certainly when I was in school, and I am sure English people of the same age as me can confirm this - it may be similar to what is going on in other countries as well..
but we had a big division in school

you either like football, white tracksuits, and generally being twats
or
you wear black, grow your hair, listen to some variation of rock and generally get called goths. hahahaha

of course it isn't so black and white - but thats how it is in school - or was when I was there. I don't know how it is these days..
but these two sides didn't get along as you can imagine.. and so that is where most of the bullying attacks come from

There will probably always be bullying though, we wont be able to get rid of it totally - young hormonal teenagers will always get angry and violent at that stage of their life, and all of this combined with peer pressures to conform and pick sides, as well as the girls teenage boys will want to impress and feel all macho about themselves in the process, etc.

the school environment is tough but it builds character - school wouldnt be school if we didnt have to go through all this - so as long as people don't start killing each other more often - there's really no need to do anything

Well I think that it is something that is there and would be there forever , I think that this is not good for the child just negative words and negative actions would not have a positive outcome in the child .. so well yeah the hormone problem could be one too, and well I remember in my phychology class the teacher was saying that humans when they fell so bad about themselves they tendo to push other down because they have the need to feel better , and I do agree with this, it is so common not only in school but at work etc... does who make your life impossible probably envy something about you or feel so bad they need to push you down to feel better but they never are smart enought to realize this is not good at all, and then people wonder why some accidents happen like teens killing and stuff, people push them down so much that it gets out of hands.. and this is terrible !

This is completely weird to me. I'm heard so much of this in the news, especially in France where some kids film others getting beaten and upload them to video sharing networks or whatnot

But like Baz said it's mostly in the Western Culture. I was in a public school where all sort of people were mixed together from the poorest to the rich ones. In 3 years I saw no bullying... no gangs, no categorisations, etc.

Written by Ernis on 04.09.2007 at 23:49

It may sound cruel but....if a child's a retard, then this child should deserve some punches in life......either this will teach something to him/her and help make the child a better person in the future.....or of course....the child may become a tormentor of weaker ones himself.....or simply end up with fucked up nerves....sad, but kids can be cruel.....

I do hope, however, my children(if I'll have any in my life) will not be retards.....and I do hope they won't be bullied....nor do I wish them to be the one's who bully.....

I agree!

I remember of my good friend in high-school, some guy were terrorizing him every day, calling him names, beating him, taking his cigars, and I wouldn't even think to help him. Why? Because I was afraid of that guy? No, I could break both of his arms if I wanted to, but sooner or later he would have similar situations, and maybe then, no body would be there to protect him, he must stand for himself, cause in some point of his life, he will have to do that, and better to do it sooner than later. Well, this story does not have happy ending, he didn't say, that is enough, like he would do in the movie, but one day he will.

We have some bullies in our school, depends in what school you are going, if you are going in some male school, it is not rare that people wear knifes, guns.. in schools, but you can always study more and go into better school, of cause there is bulling there too, but in less dozes. But what is important is to stand for yourself, cause no one else will do that for yourself.

When I signed my school, some people didn't like me, and they were showing that. There is no good manners in such situation, I simply beat shit out of them, and after that, they leaved me alone. If you can't beat them, than ask for help, or change school. Bullies like weak people, with lack of self confidence, and I saw many times in my life how some thin asshole terrorize twice bigger guy then he is. I would never jump for anyone (except girls) in such situations. When two or three of them are terrorizing one guy, and if I see his will to do something about it, he can always count on my help.

I know when I was younger, when some kid beat me, I would go and complain to my dad and he would say, I don't care, solve that yourself. I think it is bad when parents go to school to report every single injustice happened to his child, he can spoil him, and later, that would be very bad for the child.

...And why are they doing that? To pretend important, to get some attention of chicks stupider than they are, to heal their complexes, because, they simply enjoy it, there are many reasons whay are they terrorizing other kids.

@ Frodo Of Steel: Well I don't think being retarded is a reason to be bullied. You don't choose how you want to be before you're born, you're not guilty for been retarded (if you're talking about being mentally retarded).

If you're talking about being stupid, well, that isn't a reason either to be bullied. And anyway, be the other person stupid, retarded, ignorant, whatever, who are you to beat them?

@ Frodo & Aronax Of Steel: You're talking about it as if it was wildlife, like in the prehistory when people had to kill to eat...Come on, we live in a civilized society now, bullying shouldn't happen.

I think he wasn't thinking on mentally retarded not on stupid kids.

Ok, and where did I said it is actually ok to bully other kids?

To me, I noticed this gets little by age, like for ages between 10-15 it's in it's peak, then after 15 all weak kids are more likely became at least strong enough to prevent this happening, and bulliers won't enjoy it much as before.. at least from what I saw..


BUT, when it comes to some, they keep on the aggression for even more levels like what Baz mentioned, things like knifes & chains etc. those are mostly students with weak level of education I observed mostly.. still as I told you it's not the deal when it comes to 15 years and above, for under, whatever it goes for then it will learn the student as you guys said, and can make a positive reaction [but not a positive entire feelings]... whatever I hate that.. won't like it if my kids were bullies someday (won't allow it, in a way or another)..

@Aylee.....sorry....life's life....people are cruel and nowadays...especially where I live, you find seldom people you can really trust and hold dear to yourself....I'd say, if I have been spoken bad of by some people, then well....who am I to judge them? I don't have any high self confidence...it has always bveen zero and it isn't below it because of some dear friends....I have few of them....but they are very dear to me and I'm forever thankful to them.....anyway....I don't have any self confidence and I'm often paranoid and often act like a mentally retarded person....I admit that...and I admit that by rights I shouldn't survive....I'm too weak and stupid for that.....so...if anyone beats me, then it has been for a reason....I was worse when I had some pride....then I had some good punches and this made me a calmer person....I'm quite a pacifist now....I learnt not to hate nor accuse people any more....that's why I don't judge people....even those who have done bad to me....

That's what I'd tell my children one day......to be kind to others.....

I agree with Aronax.....bad things in life may hurt....but they may also make a person stronger....modern society yes....but you can't live in a fairy world of yourself....you can't surround yourself with soft walls.....you'll be torn out and beaten.....

However....if I had the strength and agility...I'd help and support the one who's being treated badly.....I would help and try to raise his self confidence....
I would also do anything possible to keep my friends away from pain.....in fact...nobody deserves pain.....

But well....evil is inside each one's heart...we're the ones to decide how much evil we let inside....

Written by APOHAKC on 05.09.2007 at 01:22

Ok, and where did I said it is actually ok to bully other kids?

I deduced it from your "I agree!"

I agreed because I actually knew what he was talking about, I know him and I know what he had in mind, not mentally retarded children but something, rather, different.

I was bullied by a gang ov 12th graders when I was in grade 7, it was my fault for being a dick to them though

A few ov my friends got kicked out ov school for beating up a younger dude back in October [i witnessed the fight]........But when they made the newspapers and were described as Bully Boys, I was most offended, yes my friends beat up a younger person but they are not the bad guys, it was the damn kid's fault! [It's just my friends dealt with it the wrong way, causing them to get expelled that's all] .

Few of them kicked shit out of one guy, one younger guy, really heroic, I can imagine how it was his fault.

I don't know if anyone's up for reading all of this but here.
When i was about 12, 13 or so...there was this motherfucker at my school who was my friend at first, but then for NO apparent reason he decided not to like me anymore AND decided to turn everyone against me.
Mind you, this was only because was and is a spoiled brat. So anyway, you all know children are cruel and of course they went along with it and i can say it was bad. The ignoring was the hardest.I blocked a lot of it out though, but it was a very confusing time of my life cause there was no reason for them to be doing this. I remember going to school and not one person wanted to talk to me, if they did it was to say something insulting. This was kind of a game to him, as i see it now because he saw he could take it as far as he wanted. One day he actually hit me, pushed me. Just because he could...i think of that as sick behavior.I was a little girl and he was fucking huge for his age. A lot bigger than me anyway.
One day, i decided i couldn't take it anymore because all the things that they were doing were really starting to take a toll on my nerves. I'm not going to go into detail here but there was A LOT of abuse going on from many kids. I was depressed.I faked sick or something that day, my mom of course got me to confess because i was too sad and obviously not ill. So i confessed everything, and when i think of what that did to my mother and how what they were doing to me hurt her i can say i'm offended when people say that someone might expect it if they're different in any way or whatever that's why the society doesn't change.You all just expect it.I know no one here is the kind of person that would encourage it but you'd tolerate i'm sure.Because it can happen to anyone even your beautiful,smart child you might have in the future.I wasn't different.I was randomly picked.If something went different some given day, this could've happened to someone else in my class, and not me. It was pure gang mentality, "Let's all pick on her just because she was the 1 st person from class i saw today and there's 25 of us and 1 of her" That's sick. I know life is life , no one has to explain that to me. But nobody deserves going through it because it's hell. My mom is a sensitive person and she spent a lot of sleepless nights over this, i really wouldn't want any parent to suffer like she did, i think on some level she was more devastated by this than i was. I know it will still happen in real life but it just shouldn't.

But i digress, so anyway my parents called his parents, and his parents of course looked after their child. When i spoke to his mother on the phone and told her all the horrible things i had to go through, she ACTUALLY tried to make it seem like it was all in my head, and like i'm exaggerating and nothing actually happened...you know? So there i was talking on the phone to some lady whose son gave me big bruises up and down both my arms from grabbing me tightly all the time, and she's telling me he's just playing.The stupid woman was accused of fraud a year later, and i'm glad about it though i shouldn't care.

The whole thing changed how i grew up, i think i'm colder and meaner than i would be if i grew up happier.I'm defensive as hell and if anyone tries to give me shit, they fail because i make them pay.It's good in a way, but sometimes i'm just not too nice to people, and it's partly because of this. I'm very defensive. As far as all the people involved in this. They're all like 19 and 20 years old now and to them it's all forgive and forget, but i won't forget.It wasn't a month. It was a long time of random bullying of a randomly picked person. I still think that despite all my flaws, i'm a better than them just because of what they did.

Nowadays, bullying is so much worse than it was when i was a kid.I feel like children are even more cruel.

Written by Deus Ex Machina on 05.09.2007 at 07:38
The whole thing changed how i grew up, i think i'm colder and meaner than i would be if i grew up happier.I'm defensive as hell and if anyone tries to give me shit, they fail because i make them pay.It's good in a way, but sometimes i'm just not too nice to people, and it's partly because of this. I'm very defensive. As far as all the people involved in this. They're all like 19 and 20 years old now and to them it's all forgive and forget, but i won't forget.It wasn't a month. It was a long time of random bullying of a randomly picked person. I still think that despite all my flaws, i'm a better than them just because of what they did.

And that is exactly what i was talking about. You definitely didn't deserved to be tortured by those ass holes, but at least, now you know how to defend yourself, and how to avoid such situation, something that some people will maybe learn in the age of 40 and maybe not even then.

About children, yup, they are definitely much more cruel now. I know in my sister school they are really horrible, little hooligans. When I was in elementary school, in lower classes I don't remember of any incidents, it was rather peaceful, but again, I was in small country school, city schools are different.

yeh, like I said.. it builds character

unfortunately though althought we are supposed to be living in this "civilised" society and whatever, we are still animals with hormones that make people do things they probably know are "wrong", but thats all part of growing up, being able to control yourself..
you know.. however much we want to glorify our "civilised society" we will still always be tarted up animals - you know.. if you dress a pig in a suit, it will still oink

bullying is inevitable

Written by Deus Ex Machina on 05.09.2007 at 07:38

It was pure gang mentality, "Let's all pick on her just because she was the 1 st person from class i saw today and there's 25 of us and 1 of her" That's sick.

Tough experience indeed. It's true that it's helped you be a stronger person now, but personally I wouldn't want to go through that to be stronger (I'm not saying you would).

-----------------------------------------

I'm a strong person now and I haven't been bullied...it's just how I am. And those who aren't, let them be, why should they change? If they're weak it's because they don't need to change, they'll become stronger when some situation requires it, but I don't think that situation should be being bullied, especially because you're a kid and you can develope a violent attitude as well as a trauma, since a kid is more influenceable than an adult.

it isn't like bullies say to themselves "oh that person looks really weak, I think I will help them by beating them up, they'll thank me in the future"

the character building is just a by-product of the whole bullying process

Written by Baz Anderson on 05.09.2007 at 16:31

it isn't like bullies say to themselves "oh that person looks really weak, I think I will help them by beating them up, they'll thank me in the future"

Anyway, problem with bullies is that they actually don't think.

Well, bullies actually go for the weakest ones...mainly because they can't defend themselves so they can beat them at ease.

I was bullied at school for 3 years in the comprehensive school. It was pure hell. I suffered from both verbal and physical violence and I've never fully got over it, nor will I. Being bullied changed who I am. My personality changed. I used to be a lot happier, more open-minded and braver. Nowadays it's hard for me to trust in anyone and it takes a long time before I let anyone close to me. I've sort of developed a wall around my heart to prevent it from getting wounded again. I know this sounds really emo, but that's the way I feel.

I can somehow try to forgive, but never forget. It hurts like hell, when those people who once bullied me, try to act like nothing had happened, when they meet me somewhere. They don't seem to realize what I've been through. That's why I rather act like they didn't exist.

In my opinion verbal violence can sometimes be even crueller than physical. To always be the last one chosen at the sports lessons and the group works, to be the topic of the bullshit talked behind my back... Sometimes it would've just been easier to get a kick in the face.

Luckily I've found great people, who support me and want to be my friends. My family has supported me a lot too and I've also talked to a professional. I almost bursted into tears, when I first realized that the people I met in High School, actually wanted to know me and be with me.

Anyway, I suggest everyone thinks twice before they say anything stupid about anyone. It might seem like a bit of harmless fun, but it might also hurt someone. And not everyone is strong enough to let the hurt feelings out...

This is also true. People forget quickly. Their remembrance of school is so much different from ours - they had fun, so now when i meet them somewhere they act like nothing happened and expect me to be okay with it. It's not like I'm holding grudges but forgiveness is really out of the question. I'm not sensitive about it anymore like i was years ago. I don't burst into tears when talking about it now but it left it's mark on me and I'll never forget.So that's why I'd rather just ignore these people completely since i can't forgive. I'd like to think that i can but no.

One day i saw one of the guys who treated me the worst, he was...pure evil. I just passed by him on the street since he means nothing to me but he stopped and said "Hey, aren't you gonna say hi to me?"

I said no, and calmly told him to give me one good reason as to why i should ever even have to bother to look in his direction and asked him why he thinks he has the right to speak to me.Because frankly, if i did that to someone and saw that person later on, I'd be too ashamed of myself to say anything.

He was..ummm..surprised is the best word i guess.He was pretty embarrassed because people heard what i had asked him.He started muttering and stuttering something stupid which i really didn't have time or will to listen to so i just told him to wrap it up and GTFO because i have places to be.
I'm not that mad at him, i just think he lost the right to even address me on the street.

well it isn't like I have had the easiest of rides..
while in school I was usually subject to verbal attacks and very minor physical ones.. but I had a good group of friends to be with at the same time - so all the idiots out there never got me down
the "bullying" here reaches further than in school though, other English people here will know what I mean - but maybe not to such a degree as I had it here in Grimsby
I have been walking with a group of friends, and all of a sudden some idiots jump out and attack us, and I have been walking home by myself and been attacked a few times before (nothing serious thank goodness) - so I know what it is like to be victimised..

but my point here is that bullying and people that aren't nice are everywhere, not just school - so you are going to encounter them some time in your life even if you didn't in school - so it is better to be prepared and hardened to it sooner rather than later isnt it?

Written by Deus Ex Machina on 05.09.2007 at 20:26

He was..ummm..surprised is the best word i guess.He was pretty embarrassed because people heard what i had asked him.He started muttering and stuttering something stupid which i really didn't have time or will to listen to so i just told him to wrap it up and GTFO because i have places to be.
I'm not that mad at him, i just think he lost the right to even address me on the street.

That's good he was embarrassed.....this shows that he had grown up meanwhile....too bad he didn't find the strength and courage inside of him to apologise at least now.....

I think he was embarrased just because there were people hearing.

What a fuck is wrong in developed countries? I somehow can't really believe that in Finland, Britain, Spain.. is bulling so often?! For bulling I was considering one joke about someone's nose once in few months and such things, not 3 years of constant torture, I never saw or heard for something similar here, And friend I mentioned, I thought he had though time, but comparing to your stories that was laughable.

Yes. Sadly, that's it. I know him, he's not sorry, and thinks he deserves people's respect.He has an ego the size of the moon so he was just confused that i don't give two shits about him.

I also did read up on bullying before etc. I don't know if I'm right.Maybe not.But it seems most often in England and USA. Though i guess we're all about the same.

In my opinion, one child may bully another probably due to the fact that there are issues in his own life, possibly a divorce his parents had or if he is physically abused by his father. As for me, I have never been bullied, possibly due to the fact that I exhibit behavior indicative of Asperger Syndrome. Actually, I do have Asperger Syndrome. I am the type of child who, instead of going outside to play, sits inside and reads about the world, my favorite subject being history. When I was sent outside, I was too nervous to ask anyone if I could play with them, so I just walked around and looked at all the patterns in the stone walls or on the trees. The children who were bullies had no idea what to do with me seeing that I was so weird, so they just left me alone.

Being the sensitive, imaginative and introvert kid automatically made me a target for the bullies in and outside school. Add the fact that I moved to a new town by the age of six (and therefore didnt have any friends) and you've got a recipie for disaster. I have have been sistematically bullied with varying intensity between second and 10th grade, with the worst period being that between sixth and 8th (by bullying I mean reiterated verbal AND physical abuse, as well as public emargination, derision and humiliation). Eventually, I have bullied other kids myself. As much as I'm sorry about that, I can't really condemn the kid that I was for those actions. Still, I won't consider them completely justified, as, no matter how violent and overbearing your environment is, there is always a choice. It's just that sometimes the pressure is too much for an insecure, victimized child. I would tell those guys I'm sorry if I ever see them again, but I would consider tactless just bringing up the subject now that we've grown up. If they'll do by their own whim I definately will, and maybe I'll even let them punch me on the button
What, then, about my tormentors? I slowly, eventually began to react, again with varying success: I turned some one-sided abuses into wars, learnt to fight back and oh so deeply hated them. Did this stop them? Most of the times, it just ignited their flames, but at least it alleviated the feeling of helplessness that overwhelmed me. As I grew up and people around me changed, things eventually started to get better and I can positively say I've never been bullied ever since I was 16.

Now, I guess I could bullshit (pun unintended) about how much this has thoughtened me up and how useful it's gonna be for the rest of my life since being the target of some kind of abuse is inevitable etc etc, but I actually rather not. Forgive my utter lack of machoism, but I would have preferred to stay sheltered and naive for a while longer. The scars from those days have grown with me, and the severe personal and social difficoulties I still experience are at least partly due to that. It doesnt matter if being traumatized is common, so much that you consider it normal. It still isn't right. Nobody should learn to stand up for himself like that.

@ Aronax: bullying a joke about someone's nose once in a few months? You were definitely underestimating it...you've read Deus Ex Machina and Ernotar's stories...THAT is bullying. And yah, sadly it's happening in developed countries, where children have everything they want and the new way of having fun and spending time is pissing off other kids, and not in a joking way.