Written by Troy Killjoy on 22.06.2014 at 20:45

People who say they love their significant other without meaning it are usually just afraid of being alone. Sometimes people feel obligated to say it too, depending on a variety of circumstances.

^ That's exactly the case Troy, such people are afraid of being alone, they cannot tolerate their being single and they don't know themselves, the thing gets worse when they start to abuse the other person honesty in having feelings and when their partner grows feeling for them they turn to fooling around and start to pretend like their partner is clingy ! I feel pity for them.

Written by Ilham on 22.06.2014 at 20:51

I really think girls can be just as huge bitches as guys can be total jerks. Really.

Right on, that was my perspective, because I don't remember to fool a guy about love, never I did such though I may had stupid behaviors with my ex but never fooled him or lied

Written by angel. on 22.06.2014 at 20:55

Right on, that was my perspective, because I don't remember to fool a guy about love, never I did such though I may had stupid behaviors with my ex but never fooled him or lied

Indeed, you might be a good person, but it's not the case for every girl out there .

Written by Ilham on 22.06.2014 at 21:02

Indeed, you might be a good person, but it's not the case for every girl out there .

not really, in some cases I had some fooling around too, but when I was single but then I felt like it's not my thing because I don't enjoy it much.

Written by angel. on 22.06.2014 at 21:07

not really, in some cases I had some fooling around too, but when I was single but then I felt like it's not my thing because I don't enjoy it much.

Of course, we're all capable of mistakes and hurting people more or less, that's just what I wanted to say .

Mind you, you don't necessarily know what love is until you've really loved someone. You think you do, even if there may be that nagging feeling that it's not quite like in the movies (not that they always set a realistic example, but you get the point), and without a frame of reference, can you really be blamed? I am not interested in making excuses for some douchebag I know nothing about, but it's good to remember that the words "I love you" might not mean as much to someone else as they do to you. How can you measure whether someone "really" loves enough to use the word? And as Troy said, it's also something you're kind of expected to say.

Written by IronAngel on 23.06.2014 at 12:36

Mind you, you don't necessarily know what love is until you've really loved someone. You think you do, even if there may be that nagging feeling that it's not quite like in the movies (not that they always set a realistic example, but you get the point), and without a frame of reference, can you really be blamed? I am not interested in making excuses for some douchebag I know nothing about, but it's good to remember that the words "I love you" might not mean as much to someone else as they do to you. How can you measure whether someone "really" loves enough to use the word? And as Troy said, it's also something you're kind of expected to say.

No ! I am not fantasizing about the love in Disney cartoons. Don't look for a complicated definition for love , it's a mutual feeling grows between the couples, not just limited to the typical sentence " I love you" , still that comes from a feeling, isn't it ? That you feel something special for a person, then it would be like caring and respecting the person more.

Like why do we care for and respect our family members more ? and why are we always there for them ? I think because we love them, we want them to feel good, giving them a sort of trust to them.

How can a guy say that he loves her but he wouldn't be there when his partner turned to him ? Or simply how such person arouse his partner's feelings so much, making her feel that there is a sort of special feeling among them, intimacy and such but in the end he would not seriously show what's been said ( I love you) in action ?

Overall I'm saying your actions speak louder than your words. And if someone cannot tolerate being alone or cannot understand what's mutual respect and love he/she must not talk about something like "love" . He/she must not try to lead the relationship into a romantic level, that would be abusing someone's else feelings, it's not fair when you fool someone into love, if you don't feel it, the other person may take it really serious, and you know some people would be hurt in this way.

Written by angel. on 23.06.2014 at 20:44
Overall I'm saying your actions speak louder than your words.

Then why bother getting so bent out of shape over whether or not someone "means it" when they say it? After all, they might think they mean it. They might think they're acting like they mean it. But in the end sometimes feelings change in time or upon further reflection one realizes those feelings weren't really what they thought they were.

My ex-girlfriend of two years ended things about a month or two ago on the basis that she loved me as a friend and nothing more. It took her that long to realize it (plus she also met someone at her job that she felt she could love as a partner rather than just a friend so that's cool for her I guess). The more time passes the more I'm realizing I may have loved her the same way, as a friend and nothing more. We both told each other we loved each other and showed it to the best of our abilities, but ultimately time proved that our feelings were misguided. Or at least hers were, I'm still trying to figure that bit out for myself.

Well, you know, very flawed people can love, say they love someone, but act like total asses for a hundred different reasons like insecurites, etc. They still shouldn't be deprived of the ability to say "I love you". Same as IronAngel, I'm not looking for excuses or just counter-argumenting you to annoy you. (I hope I am not). But human interactions are so complex, a simple "I love you" can't be taken as a contract or anything more than it is, words.

No Ilham, you're not annoying me at all, I like this talk. Yeah true that a simple I love you can't be contract. I agree.

Troy I'm not talking about a two year old relationship, for example I'd better evaluate my own feelings deep down inside about a guy in the early stages of a relationship then let him know that I may feel love for him or nope, instead of abrupt expressing of love with rush and leading it to a romantic level.

Length of relationship is irrelevant in this context. Some people are ready to say I love you the moment they meet the person they think is deserving of their love. Sometimes that's misguided and sometimes that person just knows. On the other hand, sometimes you don't realize you love the person until much later in the relationship. And by that point the other person involved may not have developed those feelings. This "issue" is far from black and white. Love is one of the most malleable and misunderstood things out there.

Great .
Of course, premature "I love you" declarations can lead to many problems in a relationship or/and the very end of said relationship. But unfortunately I don't think there is a perfect moment for saying that anyway. Being in perfect synch with someone is rare I think, and I sure haven't appreciated that yet. It's all so complicated .

Fair enough, you both made sense.

It seems that I got obsessed with this thread lately, but still I want to point out this :well yeah every relationship may end at some point but how you tolerate when someone walks into your life and makes you feel awesomely great and the same person walks away some time later and makes you feel like shit ?

Written by angel. on 26.06.2014 at 18:53
It seems that I'm obsessed with this thread lately, but still I want to point out this :well yeah every relationship may end at some point but how you tolerate when someone walks into your life and makes you feel awesomely great and the same person walks away some time later and makes you feel like shit ?

You get over it.

Or you don't.

Written by angel. on 26.06.2014 at 18:53

It seems that I got obsessed with this thread lately, but still I want to point out this :well yeah every relationship may end at some point but how you tolerate when someone walks into your life and makes you feel awesomely great and the same person walks away some time later and makes you feel like shit ?

You just go on living and get over it. Part of every day life such instances.

Written by Troy Killjoy on 26.06.2014 at 19:02
You get over it. Or you don't.

it's not as easy as you can say it. Memories specially those good ones that make you smile every now and then don't fade away quickly while the person who made you go through those good days isn't there except in memories.

Written by angel. on 26.06.2014 at 19:10
it's not as easy as you can say it. Memories specially those good ones that make you smile every now and then don't fade away quickly while the person who made you go through those good days isn't there except in memories.

I didn't say it was easy, hence the latter part of my comment. You only have those two options.

Written by Troy Killjoy on 26.06.2014 at 19:12

I didn't say it was easy, hence the latter part of my comment. You only have those two options.

Yes ...

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 26.06.2014 at 19:07

You just go on living and get over it. Part of every day life such instances.

like I said above it's not as easy as you can say it, it's not easy to forget how people make you feel.

Well, to be honest, it is easy. I mean, it doesn't feel easy or nice, and there may not be much you can do to make it better. But you will get over it, it will pass, and you don't really have to do anything. It just happens, eventually.

Written by IronAngel on 26.06.2014 at 19:16

Well, to be honest, it is easy. I mean, it doesn't feel easy or nice, and there may not be much you can do to make it better. But you will get over it, it will pass, and you don't really have to do anything. It just happens, eventually.

well yeah you mean as time passes, I will get over it... I just don't know why the same person who made you feel great at some point want to make you feel like shit later, why people don't GO ON making each other feel great ? why they make someone to feel that great when some time later they want to make him/her feel awful and just go away ? huh ! however I know this sounds like a circle in my mind.

Hey FritFrit, I'm sorry you're going through bad times, obviously the relationship you were in was abruptly terminated. I know it's going to sound like the worst platitude of all, but it's better than staying with someone who loses his/her feelings for you day by day. The quarrels happen more often and each time there's more damage done for both parties. Maybe that's what would have happened if you stayed together.

Written by angel. on 26.06.2014 at 19:24

I just don't know why the same person who made you feel great at some point want to make you feel like shit later, why people don't GO ON making each other feel great ? why they make someone to feel that great when some time later they want to make him/her feel awful and just go away ? huh ! however I know this sounds like a circle in my mind.

I think the answer to that is that people change. Sometimes when you are with someone for a long time, they just get tired of the same routine for that period. Maybe they start to realize that they thought they found the perfectly right person but gradually learn they didn't, or got scared of commitment, or, sadly, just found someone else and just feel like leaving. In my opinion making someone feel really great and special is something that you have to really want to do and put effort into doing, and if your views change and the desire to do that isn't there anymore, there's no point in kidding yourself, you probably aren't with the right person anymore.

I don't know if I can add too much to this conversation but I can only back up what the others said: You'll get over it. It might take time, it might take a long time. I don't know. But it works out in the end.

Shit... It has taken me quite a while to get over my ex now. Basically: She left me for a friend. Only on a technicallity she wasn't cheating on me, as she had an one night stand with yet another (although less dear) friend later that night... Then she had the guts to get together with this friend who was/is dear to me. The kicker was the fact that their relantionship was hilariously short which left me basically "Oh, so all that drama for some weeks? Fuck each and every one of you".

Shit started to go downhill from there but the main reason was because I kept most things inside and I just stayed home. I rarely went outside to meet people because everybody knew and everybody was close to each other so I knew I was going to meet those who caused me pain each time I wanted to meet someone else... As I said, I kept most things inside so I never got a real closure in which I could explain to this gal why I was (and still am) so fucking pissed. I did have a long ass talk with these friends of mine and things are good with them although now I have a strong sense of distrust against any friend to be honest, because of all that happened. That sucks because I have few very close friends and the main fellow is one of them.

I still have gloomy moments but they seem rarer these days... There's no formula for getting over it. It might take time, it might go fast. I don't know. It can be so gradual you don't even notice you are fine now. I avoided this girl for a long time. I only replied if she talked to me, just for being civil. Haven't talked to her in a couple of months now and.. It feels good? I dunno, that's the funny thing with "getting over it". Sometimes you don't really know how to feel. I see this chick and I feel absolutely nothing.

Sounds like you are in a delicate situation Doc. Trust isn't easily rebuilt. In fact I think it never is, it's just temporarily fixed with duct tape, solid enough for social gatherings but that's it.

I'm not a hugger. But I feel like giving you and Frit a massive one .

"Was". Not now really...

Well, all this major drama happened last year around October/November so, like I said... It took me a while. If there is one thing that I learned out of this shit was that you have to be able to speak your mind if the opportunity arises. I didn't and I regret it. This chick understood my silence as a signal of "we're friends and all" but we're not. We just know each other but since I didn't say shit she used to talk to me about these fellas and drama I absolutely had NO interest in. We are talking about some MAJOR problems. I had my own shit yet she kept sending me her baggage. That's the kind of crap that you are not supposed to take from a friend or anyone from that matter unless you really want to.

For some reason I find that duct tape analogy oddly profound.

I'd give you all hugs for days. I have some definite mother hen instincts in me and hugging people is one of them, especially people who are sad.

This might just sound like a variation of the cliche "there's other fish in the sea" advice, but the thing about life is it's actually pretty long and you really never know who is out there for you to meet until you get out there and look, and just live and do your own thing. There will always still be good people out there, just gotta be positive.

I've never actually had a "girlfriend" by definition, but I was in a sort of pseudo-relationship type thing once and let's just say it ended really shittily, and only for me. But my outlook is along the lines of "bitterness won't get me anywhere" and I can use it as a learning experience about relationships and about myself.

Awwwwww. Cuteness meltdown.

When self-doubt doesn't kill it and turn it into a joke, I can say stuff that makes sense sometimes.

I think when you get into a relationship you get to know another person, but it's only at the end of it that you learn something about yourself.

For Ilham, Matty and Doc hugs :
oh that felt sweet, I love hugs
and back on the topic I liked reading your words and personal experiences, it gives me a more broadened view rather than being entangled in maze of my own thoughts