Band:	Profetus
Album:	...To Open The Passages In Dusk
Style:	Funeral doom metal
Release date:	March 2012
A review by:	BitterCOld

01. When Autumn Cries A Fiery Canticle
02. The Watchers Dusk
03. The Shoreless
04. Burn, Lanterns Of Eve

So those crazy Mayans decided this was the year that everything went to H-E-double-hockey-sticks in a hand basket? well everyone's favorite band of merry Finns (move the fuck on over, Korpiklaani), Profetus done recorded the soundtrack to the miserable end of all things.

?To Open The Passages In Dusk is four songs and nearly one hour of unrelenting bleak misery.

The band seems to delight in stretching everything out - songs, riffs, beats to a painfully slow tempo. These songs stretch on so long, and seemingly longer that you can space out, lose yourself in the music for what seems the better part of an evening, only to look up and find you're only nine minutes into the first track. This album is so down tempo that it violates the space-time continuum, slowing time itself to prolong the suffering.

Slow drums, slow moving riffs, and death growls are cloaked in an ever-present organ giving the whole endeavor a very creepy, "played in a decrepit, rundown church" vibe.

Procession's Felipe Plaza makes a guest appearance, providing some tormented, almost wailed vocals "Burn, Lanterns Of Eve." He adds a more "human" element to the otherwise unrelenting, inhuman bleakness, albeit just soulful sorrow on top of soulless misery.

There are the occasional and sporadic bursts (used semi-ironically here) where the band kicks the tempo into double digit BPM territory to sort of lurch songs forward a little bit, sort of like a deathspasm, before we're back to a pace so slow it makes Warning sound like Total Fucking Destruction by comparison.

If you live in a crypt, dress in all black, sleep on a gurney and avoid natural light (the Sun, not the Anheuser Busch beer-like product) to the point your chalky white skin is actually translucent, there is a good chance you will find this appealing.

If you're not into the doom thing (let alone funeral doom), this probably isn't the place to start?

Now if you'll pardon me, I'm off to buy more guns, ammo, canned goods, and enough batteries that I can keep this disk on perma-repeat for at least the first 90 days of the impending zombie apocalypse.