Nebuleyes - The Universal Being - review
Nebuleyes - The Universal Being - review
Tracklist
01. Universal Prelude02. Korzum, Inc...
03. Mother Universe
04. Senso-Fecondae
05. The Universal Being
06. Neo-Generation
07. Interlude
08. Degenerescence
09. Clash of the Titans
10. Magnetron
11. Doll of Flesh
12. Universal Finale
A review by
Bas December 07, 2009
(Also only very few of my reviews contain as many vulgarities or derogatoriations as the rest of this one will, starting with the next sentence.)
So WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG with an album to deserve a 2.8? Have you ever started listening to something and started alternately banging your head against the wall and starting conversations with two thirds of your online msn contacts saying "Son of a mother duck! I'm listening to the most horrible, one of the brownest pieces of faecal-, one of the best ...torture devices (Already wondering what "best" was doing in this review?) to ever violate my music player."
I always listen to albums again at the time of writing the review, currently I'm at the third song and considering going to the kitchen to fetch a spoon to remove my eardrums with. Obviously in a most painful way to make sure I'm distracted from the music until my tympanic membranes are completely out.
Stylistically Nebuleyes can be described as electronica-influenced, somewhat symphonic ambient metal with operatic vocals. Those vocals ruining what could have been a perfectly tolerable awful album. The drumming is boring and inorganic, the guitars boring and uninspired and the synths switching between boring and really fucking annoying - but the vocals make this the life-threatening experience it is. I'm not talking about the really bad electronic voice samples that are scattered about, sixties sci-fi movies did a better job at computer voices, but they're not what cost me my sanity either. The really horrid thing is the opera singing.
If a professionally trained singer sings in a more monotone way than the sound of me printing the same page five-thousand times with a fifteen year old printer, she absolutely [url= http://i47.tinypic.com/nch0nn.jpg]fails[/url]. Let's expand this thought. If this most-monotone doodling goes on throughout the whole album, with the ONLY variation it possesses being three or four bad guitar solos (the variation being that they lack the monotone, penetrative, tooth-rattling vocals) the songwriting has failed just as much. I have never in my life been so happy about a bad guitar solo! To make matters worse, The Universal Being lasts a whole fucking hour. Honestly, I was considering pulling a Van Gogh after a quarter of it.
While listening to their myspace samples you might be thinking "hey, this sucks pretty badly, it definitely sucks as bad as a 4, but a 2.8?" But let me tell you that those samples are the very very best the album has to offer. It really never gets better than that. It does get worse though. There is absolutely no variation at all (except that some songs are even worse), and the whole thing lasts a whole fucking hour.
I just finished this review and allowed myself to close my iTunes. Silence has never sounded so sweet.
--Worst CD I've listened to from start to finish in a long long time.
Rating breakdown
| Performance: | 5 |
| Songwriting: | 2 |
| Originality: | 3 |
| Production: | 6 |
Written by Bas | December 07, 2009
Comments
Comments:
24
Visited by
166 users
 Posts: 1585 |
Posts: 1585
Having listened to the myspace samples you have my sympathy .... I don't think I could have lasted a whole hour . It was a good review though - much more entertaining than the album I guess .
---- Hell is other people - Jean-Paul Sartre
Loading...
|
|
Posts: 79  |
Loading...
|
 Posts: 1937 |
Posts: 1937 Written by Westvann on 07.12.2009 at 21:53 Dude, please take care of writing the name properly, as you just accidently referred to a completely different user than the review author... As to the review. It's funny, really funny considering the fact that these expressive comparisons are not just to only mock the band, but, sadly for the band, it's just the truth. I think even a liiiitle bit of more variation on the vocals would improve this a lot. If this does not happen, then the singer's place is in a gospel choir,given how most have little vocal variation. Though the rest of the music was still listenable.
---- -Lily
Loading...
|
 Posts: 6663 |
Posts: 6663
Bas, you should really switch to Media Monkey or Winamp or JRiver Media Center or something instead of iTunes! iTunes is the Nebuleyes of the software media player world 
Loading...
|
 Posts: 3857 |
Posts: 3857 Written by jupitreas on 07.12.2009 at 22:11 I agree. Nice review too. Haven't read a nice angry rant of a review in a while. 
Loading...
|
 Posts: 5161 |
Posts: 5161 Written by jupitreas on 07.12.2009 at 22:11 Sometimes I wonder if winamp is paying you for the propaganda. @Bas: If this is the worst you've heard, you can consider yourself pretty lucky, I had to review worse. I could share some with you, but I don't want to see you die in my arms.
Loading...
|
 Posts: 13290 |
Posts: 13290
Winamp is good though. It won me over from Windows Media Player.
Loading...
|
 Posts: 18615 |
Posts: 18615
Me likes Windows Media Player... Anyway... who the hell send you this kind of shit Bas? It's HORRIBLE! God... those opera vocals are so bad, and I really use to like opera singers but this is just ear-rape. and did you just say that it is an hour long?! Holy molly... that's just... DAMN. The guy/girl who gave you that cd to review must hate you, I think you should send him/her a bomb.
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Loading...
|
|
Posts: 537  |
Posts: 537
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA, nice review dude, and yea the vocals are among the worst ive ever heard
Loading...
|
 Posts: 442 |
Posts: 442
Hmmmmm...mmmm... I listened to the myspace player on the band page after reading this review... WOW I am tempted to read the lyrics, but I have the feeling it will only make things worse. My goodness. I wanted to say something like bad Cynic, but that is just being WAYYYY to nice. Did get a bit of a laugh out of it though.
---- 
Loading...
|
|
Posts: 196  |
Posts: 196
Oh my! How can that music contain such shitloads of the purest shit! That's not music really - that's FART! But I have heard much worse...
Loading...
|
 Posts: 5591 |
Posts: 5591
Thanks guys, I tried my best to whack out something funny so reviewing this wouldn't be a complete waste of time and it's nice to hear that it's being appreciated  By the way did anyone find the picture I linked in there? Written by Westvann on 07.12.2009 at 21:53 Thanks, but please, I'm Bas with an S, Baz AndersonBaz [Anderson][/url] is a different reviewer Written by Ilham on 07.12.2009 at 23:11 Well it's the worst so far, when I receive something even worse I can show it to you and we can compare Written by X-Ray Rod on 07.12.2009 at 23:48 Yeah, 58.5 minutes to be exact. Well it was the mastermind and guitarist of the band who sent it to me, and I don't think I've had anything to do with him before Written by Jeeers on 08.12.2009 at 11:00 I didn't say I haven't heard worse, but in almost all of the cases that I did, I definitely didn't listen to the album from start to finnish!
---- BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
Loading...
|
 Posts: 40071 |
Posts: 40071
Yes it is dire. But I have heard worse. There are sooo many black metal bands (think Fallen Temple, Apator, Zaag etc) that are 1000000 times worse than this.
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996 
Loading...
|
 Posts: 14095 |
Posts: 14095 Written by Baz Anderson on 07.12.2009 at 23:35 That's a nice improvement I used to be a long time Winamp user but the recent versions are way too heavy. I turned to Foobar2000, it's simple and great (and of course, iTunes is bad, it's evil)As for the review and the album, I remember Bas made me listen to the tracks on Myspace... It's not incredibly bad, but incredibly boring, it is, I agree.
---- La belleza no reside en lo que puedas crear, sino en lo que eres capaz de transmitir Beauty resides not in what you're able to create, but in what you're able to communicate Txus, Mägo De Oz
Loading...
|
 Posts: 2925 |
Posts: 2925
Whoa, I didn't know you could rate an album that low! Okay, so I listened to the myspace samples. I wouldn't equate it to "ear-rape," but definitely... I think the best way to sum it up would be "subpar at most." Sidenote: I thought influences were supposed to factor majorly on music?
----
Loading...
|
|
Posts: 92  |
Posts: 92
That Homer picture was a nice illustration for epic failure  Written by Baz Anderson on 07.12.2009 at 23:35 A few days ago I switched from Winamp to Windows Media Player 
Loading...
|
|
Posts: 71  |
Posts: 71
Well, you have to build up the distribution of marks for the reviews somehow ..personally I would like to see the normal distribution in the rankings of quality of respective bands/albums, but in general what I see is strong shift into the positive part of spectra 
---- “And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
Loading...
|
|
Posts: 136  |
Loading...
|
|
Posts: 302  |
Posts: 302
Never thought that it got worse than Bakteria's album, but, i guess it does...
Loading...
|
 Posts: 8902 |
Posts: 8902
Do they have merch? I so want to wear their shirt.
---- (space for rent)
Loading...
|
| Posts: 5591 |
Posts: 5591 Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 08.12.2009 at 11:30 I don't doubt that there are much worse bands, but luckily I don't have to review them, sooo Written by wrathchild on 08.12.2009 at 11:32 You're right, but I'm not sure if incredibly boring is a better thing than incredibly bad... Written by Vykintas on 08.12.2009 at 13:12 Good to know that some people actually saw it  Written by atrox on 08.12.2009 at 17:22 Have fun Mr. Masochist! Written by Dane Train on 08.12.2009 at 20:08 According to their homepage they don't. So tell me Dane, why would you want to do such a thing?
---- BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
Loading...
|
 Posts: 9726 |
Posts: 9726
Fuck, this review is just awesome. I'm tempted to listen to this album now but it seems like something I'm going to regret.
---- "I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck." - George Carlin
Loading...
|
|
Posts: 511  |
Posts: 511
After reading this, I had to check the myspace tracks. Wow, that is truly awful. It's just bad, with no discernible redeeming qualities whatsoever. A few people have mentioned that they've heard worse, but I can't say that I have. When I hear stuff this bad, I always have to wonder if the people responsible for making it really believe they are doing something worthwhile, or is it supposed to be this bad?
---- You can't fight evil with a macaroni duck!
Loading...
|
 Posts: 8292 |
Posts: 8292 Written by Baz Anderson on 07.12.2009 at 23:35 Never a truer word spoken! Winamp's music library organisation is far superior for starters. There really are very very few advantages WMP has over Winamp I've found!
---- "Scream for me Melbourne!!!!" - Bruce Dickinson "I don't see any god up here" - Yuri Gagarin (while in orbit, 1961)
Loading...
|
Hits total: 7665 | This month: 1