Band:	Nebuleyes
Album:	The Universal Being
Style:	Electronic symphonic metal
Release date:	November 30, 2009
A review by:	Bas

01. Universal Prelude
02. Korzum, Inc...
03. Mother Universe
04. Senso-Fecondae
05. The Universal Being
06. Neo-Generation
07. Interlude
08. Degenerescence
09. Clash of the Titans
10. Magnetron
11. Doll of Flesh
12. Universal Finale

Actually I think I'm a pretty nice guy. I give all CDs I receive a fair chance, in my reviews I usually try to give constructive criticism and highlight the positive aspects. As far as ratings go I'm quite a nice person too. I mean, come on! The worst rating I had to give in my time as a reviewer so far was a 4.5!
(Also only very few of my reviews contain as many vulgarities or derogatoriations as the rest of this one will, starting with the next sentence.)

So WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG with an album to deserve a 2.8? Have you ever started listening to something and started alternately banging your head against the wall and starting conversations with two thirds of your online msn contacts saying "Son of a mother duck! I'm listening to the most horrible, one of the brownest pieces of faecal-, one of the best ...torture devices (Already wondering what "best" was doing in this review?) to ever violate my music player."

I always listen to albums again at the time of writing the review, currently I'm at the third song and considering going to the kitchen to fetch a spoon to remove my eardrums with. Obviously in a most painful way to make sure I'm distracted from the music until my tympanic membranes are completely out.

Stylistically Nebuleyes can be described as electronica-influenced, somewhat symphonic ambient metal with operatic vocals. Those vocals ruining what could have been a perfectly tolerable awful album. The drumming is boring and inorganic, the guitars boring and uninspired and the synths switching between boring and really fucking annoying - but the vocals make this the life-threatening experience it is. I'm not talking about the really bad electronic voice samples that are scattered about, sixties sci-fi movies did a better job at computer voices, but they're not what cost me my sanity either. The really horrid thing is the opera singing.

If a professionally trained singer sings in a more monotone way than the sound of me printing the same page five-thousand times with a fifteen year old printer, she absolutely [url= http://i47.tinypic.com/nch0nn.jpg]fails[/url]. Let's expand this thought. If this most-monotone doodling goes on throughout the whole album, with the ONLY variation it possesses being three or four bad guitar solos (the variation being that they lack the monotone, penetrative, tooth-rattling vocals) the songwriting has failed just as much. I have never in my life been so happy about a bad guitar solo! To make matters worse, The Universal Being lasts a whole fucking hour. Honestly, I was considering pulling a Van Gogh after a quarter of it.

While listening to their myspace samples you might be thinking "hey, this sucks pretty badly, it definitely sucks as bad as a 4, but a 2.8?" But let me tell you that those samples are the very very best the album has to offer. It really never gets better than that. It does get worse though. There is absolutely no variation at all (except that some songs are even worse), and the whole thing lasts a whole fucking hour.

I just finished this review and allowed myself to close my iTunes. Silence has never sounded so sweet.

--Worst CD I've listened to from start to finish in a long long time.