Band:	Lordi
Album:	Babez For Breakfast
Style:	Glam metal, Hard rock
Release date:	September 10, 2010
Guest review by:	Slayer666

01. SCG5: It's A Boy!
02. Babez For Breakfast
03. This Is Heavy Metal
04. Rock Police
05. Discoevil
06. Call Off The Wedding
07. I Am Bigger Than You
08. ZombieRawkMachine
09. Midnite Lover
10. Give Your Life For Rock And Roll
11. Nonstop Nite
12. Amen's Lament To Ra
13. Loud And Loaded
14. Granny's Gone Crazy
15. Devil's Lullaby
16. Lord Have Mercy [iTunes bonus] [Japanese bonus]
17. Studs 'N' Leather [Japanese bonus]

To be perfectly honest, once my descent into extreme metal started,Lordi went from a beloved band to a curious pastime. Good stuff when you don't want to use your brain and just rock out. Unfortunately, Babez for Breakfast fails to be even that, falling more in the category of: "Whoops, I guess we're gonna have to rely on our masks to make the sales, boys!"

Well, Lordi's playing style hasn't changed from the very first record, and could be described as commercial hard rock meets glam. Sounds fun, right? Wrong. While this was probably the intent, the album is actually much more of a party-killer than something that should make you want to overload on cheap beer and show everyone what a neanderthal cool, rocking type of dude you are. Yes, the first real track does start out promisingly enough: a very catchy, in-your-face riff, nice soaring vocals that sound both adequately harsh and pleasant and, of course, dumb and cheesy lyrics which are there only to give you something to sing along to. What was said about the title track also applies to "This is Heavy Metal", only that one is mid-tempo. After that... damn. What just happened? Did Lordi's songwriter suddenly die of cheesiness poisoning and the guys got someone else to write the rest of the album?

From there on, we're treated to more keyboards, unbelievably cheesy and poppy choruses and the ever present feeling of: "Goddamn, ditch the happy-go-lucky shit and rock it harder! Grow balls!" Have you ever tried to imagine what 80's pop would sound like were it played in hard rock style? Babez For Breakfast comes fairly close to that. The worst part is that the pre-chorus riffs actually sound good, but are completely ruined by keyboard-overkill choruses that make R.E.M.'s "Shinny Happy People" sound dark and sinister. And also, talk about misleading track titles. "This is Heavy Metal"? Uh, no it ain't. Close enough, though. "I'm Bigger Than You"? Well, I'll get my ruler, we can drop our pants and measure, but you might leave a tad disappointed. "ZombieRawkMachine"? The only thing "rawking" here is me, back and forward, trying not to fall asleep. "Granny's Gone Crazy"? No, actually, this one fits perfectly, as that track, and most of the album, indeed sounds like a couple of senior citizens went mental and recorded a rock album. But the problems of being over 65 are evident: it's tired, samey and sorely lacking balls.

Babez for Breakfast is an album that tries to convince you it's big, tough and badass, but lacks the substance to back that claim. Kinda like me when I hit on chicks the skinny, nerdy kid wearing a Lamb Of God shirt, acting all br00tal until you smack him once. My advice? Clip out the first two tracks, ditch the rest.