As his predictions failed, Harold Camping became more and more depressed.
One day he was walking down the street with a sad expression on his face when he met a friend of his:
"Hey Harold, why the long face?"
"My predictions failed, now I'm the laughing stock of the whole world."
"Come on Harold, put your chin up, everyone makes mistakes, its not like its the end of the world."

Three nuns are chatting.
One says: "I was cleaning up father Thomas' room the other day and you know what I found... loads of journals with pornographic photographs!"
The second asks: "What did you do?"
The first: "I threw all of them away of course!"
The second: "Anyway, that's nothing compared what I found the other day when changing the bed linen in his room. I found entire large boxes filled with condoms."
The first: "And what did you do?"
The second: "I poked holes into every single one of them."
The third nun faints...

^
hahahahha brilliant

This one is kinda old, and it's probably somewhere on the thread, but what the heck:

After a huge beer convention, the CEO executives of Budweiser, Heineken and Guinness sit down in a local cafe for a drink. The waiter approaches to take their order:
"I'll have a Budweiser", the Budweiser CEO says.
"Yeah, I'll have a Heineken", the Heineken CEO says.
"I'll have some Coke, please", the Guinness CEO says.
The other two CEOs stare at him and say: "Why don't you want beer?".
"Well, if the two of you won't have beer, neither will I", says the Guinness CEO.

Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"

Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.

Valentin B, I loved yours

Written by Valentin B on 20.07.2011 at 16:32

Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"

Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.

Hahaha xD
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner here.

Three ladies speak to each other about their sons.
"My son is surely going to be a botanist. He's made a laboratory at his home where he grows plants."
"My son is surely going to be a doctor. He always has a pair of syringes prepared."
"My son is surely going to be a baker. He always has a bag of flour in his pocket."

A hare goes to a store and asks the clerk: "Have you got any mustard bread?"
"No."
Next day the hare returns and asks again: "Do you have any mustard bread?"
"No, unfortunately we don't have any."
The shop clerk thinks that since the hare has already come twice to ask if there's any mustard bread, it'd be wise to order some.
The third day the hare returns and asks: "Do you have any mustard bread?"
"Yes! We do!" says the shop clerk gladly.
"Yuck! So disgusting!" exclaims the hare.

The teacher asks the students: "Is there anyone whose family says prayers before dinner?"
Little Bob answers: "I think my dad said something last evening."
"Yes, what was it?"
"Dear Lord! Is this fucking burnt piece of junk supposed to be a meat loaf?!

"Please bring me a pork chop."
"With pleasure."
"It can also be without pleasure as long as there's plenty of potatoes."

A waiter brings a rump steak to the table holding his hand on it.
"Why are you holding your hand on the rump steak?" asks the client.
"I just don't want it to drop to the floor for the third time."

"Honey, waf are you dhoing fere?"
"I'm brufing mah feef."
"Waf if faking you fo long?"
"I'm brufing your feef foo."

Written by Ernis on 21.07.2011 at 20:59


A hare goes to a store and asks the clerk: "Have you got any mustard bread?"
"No."
Next day the hare returns and asks again: "Do you have any mustard bread?"
"No, unfortunately we don't have any."
The shop clerk thinks that since the hare has already come twice to ask if there's any mustard bread, it'd be wise to order some.
The third day the hare returns and asks: "Do you have any mustard bread?"
"Yes! We do!" says the shop clerk gladly.
"Yuck! So disgusting!" exclaims the hare.

Lol! That actually made me laugh. :p

"I like it long... Hard... and full of seamen! My submarine, that is..."

Why all the bands that play NWOBHM came from UK?

Written by Metal_4Ever on 16.08.2011 at 23:07

Why all the bands that play NWOBHM came from UK?

"NWOBHM" stands for "New Wave Of British Heavy Metal".

Written by [user id=28526] on 16.08.2011 at 23:13

Written by Metal_4Ever on 16.08.2011 at 23:07

Why all the bands that play NWOBHM came from UK?

"NWOBHM" stands for "New Wave Of British Heavy Metal".

(Is that thread called "The Joke Thread")
I know..

A couple is talking to an old war vet. He was telling them about one of his adventures.
"I was walking through a dense jungle, when a lion attacked me and -ahhhhhhhhh, I just, I just shit my pants"
The couple responded by saying, "Don't worry, I probably would shit my pants too if a lion attacked me!"
The old man said back, "No, I just shit my pants when I said 'ahhhhhhhh'".

[If you don't get it, say it aloud haha]

Written by JCJen7 on 21.08.2011 at 11:24

A couple is talking to an old war vet. He was telling them about one of his adventures.
"I was walking through a dense jungle, when a lion attacked me and -ahhhhhhhhh, I just, I just shit my pants"
The couple responded by saying, "Don't worry, I probably would shit my pants too if a lion attacked me!"
The old man said back, "No, I just shit my pants when I said 'ahhhhhhhh'".

[If you don't get it, say it aloud haha]

I really didn't get it

Written by Metal_4Ever on 22.08.2011 at 01:14

I really didn't get it

Haha, the old guy shit in the middle of the story, because he is old.

^Explaining jokes is just the lowest of the low. Makes the joke sound retarded^

Written by JCJen7 on 22.08.2011 at 01:20


Haha, the old guy shit in the middle of the story, because he is old.

^Explaining jokes is just the lowest of the low. Makes the joke sound retarded^

Haaa!! now I got it..!!

When i look at the Sun, it's you i see. when i look at the moon, it's you i see. when i look at the sea, it's you i see.

you fat bitch, get the hell out of the way!

Written by Valentin B on 22.08.2011 at 22:55

When i look at the Sun, it's you i see. when i look at the moon, it's you i see. when i look at the sea, it's you i see.

you fat bitch, get the hell out of the way!

LMAO.

Funny but it's too old, and I'm sick of it.

Written by [user id=28526] on 22.08.2011 at 23:54

and I'm sick of it.

Because you're a black person.

Written by Metal_4Ever on 23.08.2011 at 01:58

Because you're a black person.

You racist!!

Written by Metal_4Ever on 23.08.2011 at 01:58
Because you're a black person.

One of two on this site. And thus, my enemy.

Written by Troy Killjoy on 23.08.2011 at 02:01

Written by Metal_4Ever on 23.08.2011 at 01:58
Because you're a black person.

One of two on this site. And thus, my enemy.

also me.

A gay man goes to the doctor:
"Doc, i've got AIDS, what should i do?"
"Well, first of all you should eat a bunch of unwashed tomatos, some banana skins, a big glass of milk, a can of beans, a huge burrito and wash this all down with 2 bottles of guinness."
"Will that cure me?"
"No, but then you'll know what your ass is really meant for!"

Written by Valentin B on 23.08.2011 at 10:30

A gay man goes to the doctor:
"Doc, i've got AIDS, what should i do?"
"Well, first of all you should eat a bunch of unwashed tomatos, some banana skins, a big glass of milk, a can of beans, a huge burrito and wash this all down with 2 bottles of guinness."
"Will that cure me?"
"No, but then you'll know what your ass is really meant for!"

You're so funny guy, go on +1

A blonde goes to the doctor:

"Doctor, i have a problem: if i touch my head with my pinky, it hurts. if i touch my neck with my pinky, it hurts. if i touch my arm with my pinky, it hurts. what is wrong?"
"Well, i have a question for you: are you a natural blonde?"
"Yes"
"Well, then i'm pretty damn sure your finger is broken!"


The blonde secretary kicks down the door to her boss's office:
"From now on, i'm gonna work 10 hours a week and my salary will be 3000 euros a month!"
"Oh yeah, who told you that?"
"My lawyer and my gynecologist!"


a kid asks his dad:
"Daddy, what's an alcoholic?"
"Well, my son, you see those 4 trees over there? alcoholics would see 8 trees."
"I see.. but there are only two trees.."

First year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending
their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around
the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.


The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary
medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor.
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the
animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet,
stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his
finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his
students .



The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but
eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and
sucking on it.



When everyone finished, the Professor looked a them and said,

" The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's
tough , but it's even tougher if you're stupid. "

Written by Valentin B on 23.08.2011 at 21:04


a kid asks his dad:
"Daddy, what's an alcoholic?"
"Well, my son, you see those 4 trees over there? alcoholics would see 8 trees."
"I see.. but there are only two trees.."

I loved this one

Written by Valentin B on 23.08.2011 at 21:04

The blonde secretary kicks down the door to her boss's office:
"From now on, i'm gonna work 10 hours a week and my salary will be 3000 euros a month!"
"Oh yeah, who told you that?"
"My lawyer and my gynecologist!"

I didn't get this one