Metal Storm logo
Coffinworm - When All Became None review

Bandcamp music player

43 users:
Band: Coffinworm
Album: When All Became None
Release date: April 2010

01. Blood Born Doom
02. Start Saving For Your Funeral
03. Strip Nude For Your Killer
04. Spitting In Infinity's Asshole
05. High On The Reek Of Your Burning Remains
06. The Sadistic Rites Of Count Tabernacula

This album hates, it hates a lot. Me, you, your neighbour, the band, the world, the aliens, even itself. You may be neutral enough so as to give it a spin, listen to a song to say the least, but beware, it will show no mercy at all, as I said, it hates a lot and from the very first second with the distortion floating around it's just loading, for what? To spit on your fucking face!

If Hell has an entertainment place for all the VIP sinners, then this is it, Coffinworm's When All Became None, a nihilistic self-service mortuary to see your inner world… with your own hands! Two mirrors will serve you best, one to smash and sculpture your own body and one to see, if you can use only one for both tasks, even better, the less Hell pays for everyone, the more the participants! This is pure unrefined dirt from the deepest sewers, imagine a caustic solution with sludge, doom/death and black metal chemical ingredients, sounds nice? Not on your face!

So open your ears and let those ultra heavy slow-paced guitars or groovy as fuck mid-tempo or outbursting moments do the job for you, I know you wouldn't like to harm your pretty face so a little help would be more than welcome, it will lessen the duality of pain to one single fucking aspect of it, pain. The rhythm section works as a torture instrument the procrustean way, it puts you on a bed, wake up, of course not to rest! According to the needs of the album it will stretch you if it has to speed up or it will cut off your legs if it desires to slow down! One thing is for sure, either way you're fucked, no matter how, firstly it will stretch you and then it will make your legs baseball bats! The vocals, if one can refer to them as such, are not angelic chants, imagine a choir of cenobites where the maestro is no other than Pinhead himself, with the interpretation ranging from deep, very deep grunts to sinister, actually so fucked screams you want to clean your ears with a surgeon's knife. Well, a screwdriver would screw you too, so nevermind. Oh, the production is dirty too, dirty enough to sound perfect on this ornament made from the finest diamonds, the coffinworms that will sooner or later visit you; and they don't care about DNA match.

If Saw series made your mom scared, then this will send her to the grave, so if your mother-in-law is being a pain in the ass, now you know what to do. And never forget, the wide open eye on the cover artwork is already watching, it spies upon us all, you may be next in line! Even Nevermore say it!

NoLights: Every single second from its 43 minutes.

If you think this review insults you, the band does it better. "Spitting In Infinity's Asshole" ain't easy these days, so "Start Saving For Your Funeral" before you "Strip Nude For Your Killer"!

Rating breakdown
Performance: 9
Songwriting: 9
Originality: 8
Production: 9

Written on 19.10.2010 by "It is myself I have never met, whose face is pasted on the underside of my mind."


Comments: 13   Visited by: 237 users
19.10.2010 - 01:35
Got Mayhem?

Sounds sick, I'll try to keep it in mind.
19.10.2010 - 06:37
Underpaid M.D.
Nice review, I'll try this one too, seems like something I could like sooner or later, reading the review makes me think that this is not an album easy to digest.
"Les vers savent qu'ils n'ont pas d'ailes, c'est pour cela qu'ils se cachent sous terre"
19.10.2010 - 09:33
Marcel Hubregtse
Grumpy Old Fuck
Ansolutely great album this one. Probably my favourite sludge album of the year.
Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight
Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.)
05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996

19.10.2010 - 11:46
proofread free
This album is a bitch ultra sick and painfully enjoyable , have never experienced such thing before

a choir of cenobites where the maestro is no other than Pinhead himself

He who is not bold enough
to be stared at from across the abyss
is not bold enough
to stare into it himself.
19.10.2010 - 15:16
Account deleted
The melody and uptempo parts give it an almost rocking feel at times which contrast really nicely with the hellish blackened muck of the other bits. Nice review and thanks for reminding me about it =]
19.10.2010 - 15:44
Now this is something I need to check out. The band name sounds familiar.
Licensed under the GPLv3.
Relinquish proprietary software for a greater GNU/America.
19.10.2010 - 17:43

Great review. I think the reviews on metalstorm are getting better and better these days \m/
A mythology is a religion different enough from your own for it's absurdity to be obvious.
19.10.2010 - 20:50
Koen Smits

Nice review. First thing I did after reading it was searching this thing.
Listened only a couple of songs, man...ugly, weird and original, but I need some more listening.
RIP: Frank Vandenbroucke (6 nov 1974 - 12 oct 2009)

Written by Bad English on 05.04.2014 at 15:05

but spoil thius film is like spoil porn and say porn ends whit cum shot ...
20.10.2010 - 02:27
Written by Guest on 20.10.2010 at 02:07

So if there was a final battle coffinworm versus graveworm, which one would triumph?

Coffinworm, it's in the coffin whereas graveworm is generally somewhere inside the grave, coffinworm is straight to the source of decomposing beauty
Dec. 30, 1334.

...And the whiskey and wine entered our veins when blood was too weak to carry on.
20.10.2010 - 14:01
Account deleted
One of the best releases this year.
26.10.2010 - 18:33
Sleazy Rider
Written by Guest on 20.10.2010 at 14:01

One of the best releases this year.

Just had my hands on this (listening to it at the moment) and I'll have to agree with you. This is heavy as hell, gloomy as fuck and misanthropic as Charlton Heston on speed...
These guys are creating a good blend of their own from very traditional sources, and succeeding in sounding fresh at the same time. Wait... fresh... how the hell can this putrid mass of sheer wickedness be fresh?
In any case, it's like Unearthly Trance, Ramesses and Darkthrone had a child due to obscure, perverted beyond all boundaries menage-a-trois. I'm already wanting more from these guys!
"Haloo? ...Mulla on sellainen tunne, ett' mä olen surmannut miehen."
27.10.2010 - 00:06
Written by KwonVerge on 20.10.2010 at 02:27

Written by Guest on 20.10.2010 at 02:07

So if there was a final battle coffinworm versus graveworm, which one would triumph?

Coffinworm, it's in the coffin whereas graveworm is generally somewhere inside the grave, coffinworm is straight to the source of decomposing beauty

At least the album is very decent
28.01.2011 - 07:21
Account deleted
The review has as much sludge as the album itself! And it is all good for me......

Hits total: 6116 | This month: 9