So two carrots went on a holiday, sun-bathing in Finland. Suddenly one of the carrots began mocking the other: "Oh lord, you are so fat and ugly! Look at yourself, you look disgusting! Put some clothes on, you ugly creature!" The other carrot didn't even care about his mean words, just packed his belongings and went home crying.

Written by [user id=105293] on 23.03.2012 at 10:20

So two carrots went on a holiday, sun-bathing in Finland. Suddenly one of the carrots began mocking the other: "Oh lord, you are so fat and ugly! Look at yourself, you look disgusting! Put some clothes on, you ugly creature!" The other carrot didn't even care about his mean words, just packed his belongings and went home crying.

Written by [user id=105293] on 23.03.2012 at 10:20

So two carrots went on a holiday, sun-bathing in Finland. Suddenly one of the carrots began mocking the other: "Oh lord, you are so fat and ugly! Look at yourself, you look disgusting! Put some clothes on, you ugly creature!" The other carrot didn't even care about his mean words, just packed his belongings and went home crying.

Highly unrealistic, first, why would they go on holiday together specifically to sunbathe if one of them secretly hated the other? Wouldn't you save yourself the trouble and just go with a friend? Second, if the other carrot didn't care about his mean words, why was he crying? Third, why would you go to Finland to bathe yourself in the sun anyway? This joke just doesn't make any damn sense...

Written by Introspekrieg on 25.03.2012 at 00:36
Second, if the other carrot didn't care about his mean words, why was he crying?

I think that's the joke. Like it's kind of a play on words or something.

"He didn't care, he just went home crying." It's like... he did care. I dunno, it's a bad joke no matter how you look at it.

A Girl to Beggar: I have seen u somewhere..
but cant remember..!!

Beggar: Oh Sweet Heart,
U forgot,






















We are friends on Facebook!!

Newton, Pascal and Einstein decide to play a game of hide and seek in heaven. Einstein is 'it' and closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off and hides behind a tree while Newton draws a 1 meter square around his feet.
When Einstein finishes counting he spots Newton right away and says "Ah ha! Found you and you lose!"
Newton replies, "No. you found 1 Newton over a square meter...you found Pascal !!!"



Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure??"
"Yes, I'm positive!"




A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of cokes.
As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes.
The waiter replies, " No charge for you, My dear !!! "




What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium?
.
.
BaNaNa!

Written by Troy Killjoy on 25.03.2012 at 04:12

I dunno, it's a bad joke no matter how you look at it.

There is no punchline in that joke...

Why did the south african break a light bulb?
He didnt, it fell down the stairs ok?!

How many Alzheimer patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side?

Why did the lebonese man cross the road?
To fight the chicken.
Why did 30 lebonese guys cross the road?
Because the chicken won.

I just read some racism jokes, so here its another one.

In France, the police are now taking action against people caught in public wearing a burqa.

So far they've arrested four Muslims and seven letterboxes.

Written by whatsacow on 25.03.2012 at 14:37

Why did the south african break a light bulb?
He didnt, it fell down the stairs ok?!

How many Alzheimer patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side?

Why did the lebonese man cross the road?
To fight the chicken.
Why did 30 lebonese guys cross the road?
Because the chicken won.

Mediocre jokes but not that much entertainment. Anyways, thanks for sharing.

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 25.03.2012 at 12:37

Written by Troy Killjoy on 25.03.2012 at 04:12

I dunno, it's a bad joke no matter how you look at it.

There is no punchline in that joke...

I mean, who sunbathes in freaking Finland? Talking carrots? Why is being fat even a problem for carrots?

EDIT: Maybe that's the point though. It makes no sense, but it makes you think...

Written by [user id=105293] on 26.03.2012 at 14:57
EDIT: Maybe that's the point though. It makes no sense, but it makes you think...

Definitely makes me think of how lame a joke can be...

It opened a whole new dimension of bad jokes to me.

Written by X-Ray Rod on 26.03.2012 at 16:42


Definitely makes me think of how lame a joke can be...

It opened a whole new dimension of bad jokes to me.

2001 makes me think. Great film that.

Written by [user id=4365] on 26.03.2012 at 17:20

2001 makes me think. Great film that.

Can you possibly be a bigger dick? xD

Written by Slayer666 on 26.03.2012 at 20:41


Can you possibly be a bigger dick? xD

Sounds like a challenge to me.

Written by [user id=4365] on 26.03.2012 at 20:46

Sounds like a challenge to me.

Damn straight. That should make for numerous lulz.

Written by X-Ray Rod on 26.03.2012 at 16:42

Definitely makes me think of how lame a joke can be...

It opened a whole new dimension of bad jokes to me.

So personal, ha... And I see some friends of yours are already bringing up the 2001 topic again...

Oh well... in any case I admit I liked the joke. It doesn't have a punchline but the fact it's absurd makes it hilarious. Sort of like the "The bus is broken" joke I wrote some time ago...

And here's one for today...

Two elephants are sitting in a tree and crochet. Suddenly a horse flies past.
"D'ya see that? A horse flew past!" says one elephant to the other. They continue crocheting. After a while a horse flies past again.
"See, a horse flying again!" says the first elephant.
"Shut up! So what?! They prolly have a nest somewhere nearby or something!"

Written by Ernis on 28.03.2012 at 01:22
So personal, ha... And I see some friends of yours are already bringing up the 2001 topic again.

Hey, I didn't take part of what Joe did here nor did I found it funny so I don't need to take any shit from you in this thread.
If you ask me, I found the 2001-comment offtopic.

I just found that carro-joke awful and I said it, big deal. I didn't make any personal attacks or anything and I highly doubt Cal would even take notice of it.

That horse "joke" has to be one of the worst I've ever read. Congrats on making Dane Cook look like a fucking comic genius.

Written by X-Ray Rod on 28.03.2012 at 01:35

Written by Ernis on 28.03.2012 at 01:22
So personal, ha... And I see some friends of yours are already bringing up the 2001 topic again.

Hey, I didn't take part of what Joe did here nor did I found it funny so I don't need to take any shit from you in this thread.
If you ask me, I found the 2001 kind of offtopic although I did get the subtle joke.

I just found that other joke awful and I said it, big deal. I didn't make any personal attacks or anything. Highly doubt Cal would even take big notice of it.

Nope, you don't need to take any shit from me at all, any time, anywhere. I was just sensing some kind of antipathy towards Cal (and maybe towards me too? : )
But mayb it's just goode olde me : )

Good... I can add some more jokes now...

A nouveau rich decided to get married. He organised a huge competition for all the women who want to marry him and in the end there were only three gorgeous girls left. The bloke gave every girl 5000 dollars and a week to spend it.
After a week had passed the first girl returns and says that she spent all the money to buy clothes and stuff for the guy and didn't buy anything for herself at all.
The other girl, however, spent the entire money to buy clothes and cosmetic products for herself.
The third gave the 5000 dollars back to the man and said, "I invested the money where necessary and now I'm paying the sum back to you because I doubled it and earned 5000 dollars myself."

Question: Who became the wife of the man?
Answer: The one with the best tits.


A dude meets an attractive girl and tries to get to know her.
The girl asks: "D'ya have a Mercedes?"
"I don't."
"But a two-storey villa?"
"No."
"Well, that means we have nothing to talk about."
The guy returns home and tells the story to his dad.
The father says: "Well, we can sell your Bentley. You can buy three Mercedes for it. But please don't ask me to demolish two upper levels of the house because of some bitch..."


A nouveau rich is on a vacation. As he swims in the sea, he loses his expensive diamond ring. Although he later buys a new one, he still feels raw about the ring he lost. After a year had passed, he happens to spend a vacation at the same resort. He goes to the marketplace and buys a fresh fish. Back at the hotel room he slices the fish's belly open. There was no ring there.





And finally...

Schoolkids are taking a bus ride. They notice a dude with a large suitcase and start whispering "Hey, look at this bloke. I wonder what he's carrying around in that suitcase." The man overhears the conversation and says "You know what. I have a krõmsa in the suitcase."
"What?"
"Yes, I have a krõmsa in the suitcase. You wanna see?"
"Ok."
The man opened the suitcase and there really was a krõmsa inside...

Written by [user id=4365] on 26.03.2012 at 17:20

2001 makes me think. Great film that.

Certainly great for the joke thread.

Written by [user id=105293] on 29.03.2012 at 15:26
Certainly great for the joke thread.

This works as a joke.

I'm unbiased since I don't really remember much about the movie, but I feel like maybe you're funnier than some of your posts in here let on...

Written by Troy Killjoy on 29.03.2012 at 15:47

Written by [user id=105293] on 29.03.2012 at 15:26
Certainly great for the joke thread.

This works as a joke.

I'm unbiased since I don't really remember much about the movie, but I feel like maybe you're funnier than some of your posts in here let on...

I am actually. No joke.

Women rights!


......I know someone's going after me for this......

Written by FinnishSammich on 15.05.2012 at 19:30

Women rights!


......I know someone's going after me for this......

Don't worry bro.

Q: Why don't men have cellulite ?
A: Because it's ugly.

Written by Bulletdodger on 16.05.2012 at 14:46

Don't worry bro.

Q: Why don't men have cellulite ?
A: Because it's ugly.

Joke was definitely 5/5.

OK, time for the Ivanov Joke, which is legendary in Estonia. It's going to be a bitch to translate the whole thing, but I'll do my best.

During the late 1980's, president Ronald Raegan traveled to the Soviet Union to visit Mikhail Gorbachev. Before going back though, he demanded that he could see a certain man named Ivonov, who worked at the local factory. When they met up, they shook hands and embraced like old friends and talked for the longest time. The KGB agents escorting Raegan were most surprised, but let it go. Some time after that the British prime minister Margaret Thatcher also traveled to the Soviet Union and just like Raegan, said she wanted to meet up with Ivanov before leaving. Once again, they shook hands, hugged, talked for hours. This time the KGB became very suspicious of Ivanov so they brought him in for questioning and asked him how a simple factory worker like him could possibly know both Ronald Raegan and Margaret Thatcher. Ivanov simply replied that he knew everyone, even the pope. The KGB didn't believe him, so Ivanov offered to travel to Rome with them and they agreed. When they reached the pope's palace in Vatican, they were greeted by the security guards, who said that they recognized Ivanov and would permit him entry to the pope's rooms, but not the KGB agents, they would have to wait outside. So it happened. Ivanov and the pope met up, talked and went to the balcony for the KGB agents to see them together. When Ivanov finally came back down, he saw that the two KGB agents were both passed out, so he asked the security guards what had happened. Their response was: "Oh, they fainted when a bunch of German tourists came around and asked who the old guy standing next to Ivanov was."

^
Good one

So, a mathematician, a physicist and a chemist go to a convention, during dinner the mathematician left earlier than the others. So when the physicist and the chemist were returning they noticed a fire just opposite of the door to the mathematicians room, a a fire extinguisher a few feet away, they quickly ran and put the fire out.
During breakfast the asked the mathematician: "Did you see the fire on you floor, just opposite your room?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you put it out, the extinguisher was only a few feet away?"

"It was such a trivial solution."

Written by Bulletdodger on 16.05.2012 at 18:54

Math Joke

Hahahaha not bad for being a math joke. Defnitely going to tell it to my pals in the math faculty where I study.

Written by X-Ray Rod on 16.05.2012 at 19:51

Hahahaha not bad for being a math joke. Defnitely going to tell it to my pals in the math faculty where I study.

If you need more, just say, I know like a ton of those jokes.